I Feel Lost Sometimes

My husband was diagnosed with gastrointestinal cancer in June of 2005. We hadn't been married a year when we got the diagnosis. I am so heartbroken about this. The first set of doctors didn't seem to be in the fight with us so we are now being seen at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. They seem to be a little more optimistic.

My problem is depression. In addition to trying to take care of my husband, I am taking care of my daughter who is type I diabetic. I sometimes seem to be very overwelmed and don't know what to do.

Any advice out there? I woud love to have it.

J

You have my prayers.

Vinnie

I feel your pain. I have been trying to help a sister, brother in law and mother all with colon cancer. I was widowed at 28 and had a stroke at 38. Now you know, Im understanding all you are going through. First, take care of yourself. Take up a craft, work on puzzles or cook. Get your husband and daughter crafting with you. Anything to give your mind a break. I found that a walk in the yard and thinking of things I could do in the garden was wonderful. Be sure you are opening your shades and enjoying the sun. Dont lock youself in the house. Get someone to help you at the house and go have lunch with a friend. Fix your hair, put on makeup, it makes everyone feel better! Second, dont lose your hope. That is a waste of time to think of the worse, it helps no one. Third, ask questions. The doctors will answer and knowledge will help overcome helplessness. And last, do whatever you think you need to. Live your life with no regrets, make the decisions that in your heart, you know are right. If your husband wants to go to the beach, by gosh take him. He will feel better doing whatever the heck he wants to and so will you. You can do this, you know it. Work to give your family a happy life and you will all be fine. My prayers and wishes are with you all. Colleen

Cancer is an insidious disease, and it's comforting to know there are others out there who can relate to what you are going through.

Take time to allow yourself and your husband to think about things other than cancer. Keep in mind, he is a person outside of this cancer, and the more he is allowed to dwell on other things, the better. Keep him laughing, and in turn, you will laugh and feel better. Laughter is a powerful ally.

Be well, and take care.

Lisa

Dear J.
I am 31 years old and my fiance was only 27 when he passed away, he died Dec.2005. We got enganged set a date for Sept.3 2005. 2 weeks before our wedding date he needed emergency surgery. It was hell watching him go through this. I regret not marrying him, I just always thought he would be fine. The cancer centers of america is a smart move. I had days when I thought I was going to crack, looking in his eyes was the worst and watching him be scared and him not expressing himself but you know what he's thinking. I was awake with him at night helping him, he couldn't walk, feeding him, loving him and I wouldv'e took care of him forever. Stay strong for him he needs you to stay optimistic. Kick depression out the door,do not give up on him. Get some help at home,there are people who can help you, cancer centers of america can give you some info. R

My husband who is 32, was diagnosed with Cancer in October of 2005. His diagnosis came 2 weeks before our first child was born. We have been devasted by the news. He began Chemotherapy on halloween day 2005. He has been very sick. I am 25 years old, and being a new mommy and having a sick husband has been very tough. We have alot of bad days, but when we look forward to the good days. My husband is so strong, even though some days he can not hold his head up, he still trys to find humor in all this. Which helps me deal better with the situation. We dont know if the chemo is gonna work, I guess that is with any case, but we are living on hope, prayers and faith to see us through.

I am so sorry to hear about your husband passing away. I can only imagine what you are going through. I will say a prayer for you and would love to hear back from you. I am looking for someone I can talk to that might relate to my situation.

Thank you.

Hi,
I understand what you are going through.Loosing the love of my life,I can't explain the feeling.A part of me is missing and I like to think he took it with him. To watch them go through this is torture. I pray that your husbands chemo works and he comes out of this.Having a new born I'm sure is tough while going through this, but trust me it's a blessing.How I wish I had that. I feel like my life is over especially with out having experienced more with him.The only thing I can tell you is be strong for him and do not let a day go by with out telling him you love him. Live everyday with love and faith.My husband was strong and always made jokes too.When it got closer to the end he couldn'talk anymore and what kills me is that I know he wanted to.I was looking for someone who might know what I am going through. Thanks for replying. RC

Thank you for your thoughts and much needed advise. I apologize the the delay in responding. I have really been trying to give him the room and freedom to do the things that he likes to do but it is reallyy hard because I worry so much. Lately, he has been getting dehydrated and passing out and this terrifies me. I will continue to maintain hope.

Thanks again,
J

someone told me when I started on this journey with my husband.
to place both feet on the floor every morning and take a deep breath and stand up and place one foot in front of the other, because every journey begins with a single step no matter how long or short it may be. and most important remember you are never alone.
DMR/ASTRO

I read your email and felt that I needed to talk to you. My husband of 21 years died in march 06 after only 11 months of being diagnosed.
He had nuero-endocrine cancer of the prostrate.
We have three children and yes our middle child a daughter is type one diabetic and I have type 2. NO it isn't easy and sometimes you feel like you are the only one in the world having so many bad things happen to you sometimes all at once. And even though our partners are the ones who are very sick we do wonder what did we do wrong to deserve the pain and stress.
How is everything going now, can you cope or do you want to scream, I haven't yet I just try to keep sane each day and to be there for the kids and even though I am having counselling {something I never thought I would need,] trust me It really helps to talk to someone who cares and has been through similar circumstances.

I am someone you can cry and talk to any time.
regards debbie