Bad results

My husband and I met with the DR about his last scan and found out that his cancer is back,  The cancer is squeezing his cartoid artries so the DR recommends hospics.  My husband wants to have one more treatment of Erbitux, which will happen this coming Weds.  I am scared that this cancer drug will put him under as he is in a weaken state from his prior chemos.  Chemo and Radiation have been done, so this is not an option and neither is surgery due to the location of the cancer.

I am at a loss and not sure what to do.  The DR told me he can't order hospics care if he is taking treatment so I am on my own.  I have been praying daily for strength and hopes that GOD is listening. 

How do I have a conversation with my husband about end of life, when he is not ready to talk about it.   I have tried several tatics, but noting seems to work.  Any suggestions?

I empathize with your situation. My husband is very sick due to his cancer and the meds he is on; he plugs away with some hope that he will get better. I look at him...125 pounds, one lung trashed due to his rare cancer that can't be cured, one lung that is starting to get infections and such, and wonder what is keeping him tethered to this earth? The only advice I would give is that, although we caregivers that our spouses make the cancer about "us" as a couple, it is really his journey. I am waiting until my husband starts talking about hospice himself, once he sees that the toll everything is taking on his body and on our family is just too much. Today, he did start to talk about stopping chemo and looking into hospice as a respite when things get bad. I also think it helps to know more about hospice. Hospice care does not mean that the end of life is near; people who live very long lives use hospice if they are refusing standard treatments such as chemo, radiation, etc. When your husband is ready, I would recommend a social worker or a representative from your local hospice come and talk to you two about it. I think you and your husband will be surprised how much support hospice can give you. As caregivers, we do have to know our limitations. When it gets to the point where my husband had to go to the hospital, I guiltily feel relieved. Hopefully, when your husband can accept hospice care you both will feel some relief. Good luck, keep in touch. M

M,  thanks so much for you kind words and direction on hospics.  I wish you the best with your husbands cancer and hope that we can both find some peace with what is happening to us and our husbands.