Forcing Mom to eat and drink more than she wants

Four of my sisters are helping with Mom's care at home.  Mom was in stage 4 of colon cancer two years ago, has had two major surgeries (spread to ovaries), two bouts with chemo and we found out 2 months ago that she had a tumor on her brain.  All chemo has stopped and she is taking a steroid to help with the swelling.  Mom is 85 years old.  Hospice visits once a week.  In the 4 weeks she has been home, I can tell when I talk to her on the phone that she is slowing down.  I live 800 miles away and speak to her daily.  My concern is that the main caregiver is determined to give Mom heavy foods, such as sausage, lamb, steak plus macaroni and potatoes to eat.  Mom tries to eat as much as she can because she is being intimidated by this one sister.  When she is not around, Mom really appreciates a light meal.  Mom also wants to sleep more and this sister tries to get her to sit up more than she wants to.  I have tried to suggest that she give Mom a simple diet and not things that are hard to digest.  I was thinking of calling hospice and asking them to suggest a diet when they visit the house next.  Any other suggestions?  I believe Mom is at peace with what is going on and I am sorry that my sister is stressing her about eating and drinking.  Thank you.

I am certainly not an expert, but Mother will probably just choose not to eat something that is difficult for her to digest. Perhaps she does still enjoy these foods and I believe she will let the caregiver know that the food is no longer tolerable. If your mother likes the food I say let her eat it if it does no harm. In time she will or should let her caregiver know that she is unable to eat such foods.

Good luck!

One thing I want to mention is because your mom has a brain tumor, she may not be thinking clearly. My husband recently passed away from a brain tumor and there were many times he said things that just were not true-but he thought they were. Are you getting all your infrmation about your mom's diet/sleep/care from your mom? If so, it may not all be exactly as she reports.

However, if you at all feel that you mom is being forced to do something she doesn't want to do, then, yes, take action. My experience with Hospice was that the social worker was more than willing to be the "bad guy" if needed. I think calling hospice and having someone review your mom's diet and sleep habits with your sister are a good idea. I would be surprised if Hospice says anything other than your mom should be allowed to sleep as much as she wants and she should eat what she wants too.

As my husband's only caregiver, I can also empathize with your sister. I knew the more my husband slept that meant the closer to the end of life he was-and that was scary-but me forcing him to be awake was not going to change anything. Also, brain tumors make people prone to seizures--and lack of sleep can bring on seizures. So for that reason alone, I encouraged my husband to sleep as much as his body needed. Towards the end, but when he was still "okay," he was sleeping 13-16 hours a day and even napped sometimes in between.

Good luck with everything.

I'm also trying to force my hubby to eat and drink more then he wants - due to weight decrease while on chemo for prostate cancer.   We met with a nutritionist and the story is lots of little meals throughout the day - the big protein laden stuff is not cutting it right now - last night for dinner he had 2 servings of cream of wheat and gingerale but also had an ensure before bedtime - 1/2 egg salad sandwich on soft bread - yougart, cheerios - canned peaches, little nibbles is the way to go.

 

On 8/27/2009 Elaine65 wrote:

Four of my sisters are helping with Mom's care at home.  Mom was in stage 4 of colon cancer two years ago, has had two major surgeries (spread to ovaries), two bouts with chemo and we found out 2 months ago that she had a tumor on her brain.  All chemo has stopped and she is taking a steroid to help with the swelling.  Mom is 85 years old.  Hospice visits once a week.  In the 4 weeks she has been home, I can tell when I talk to her on the phone that she is slowing down.  I live 800 miles away and speak to her daily.  My concern is that the main caregiver is determined to give Mom heavy foods, such as sausage, lamb, steak plus macaroni and potatoes to eat.  Mom tries to eat as much as she can because she is being intimidated by this one sister.  When she is not around, Mom really appreciates a light meal.  Mom also wants to sleep more and this sister tries to get her to sit up more than she wants to.  I have tried to suggest that she give Mom a simple diet and not things that are hard to digest.  I was thinking of calling hospice and asking them to suggest a diet when they visit the house next.  Any other suggestions?  I believe Mom is at peace with what is going on and I am sorry that my sister is stressing her about eating and drinking.  Thank you.

Hi Elaine65,

I can appreciate your story so much as my father also was diagnosed with colon cancer and fought for 7 years.  It is a big concern when we see our loved ones not being able to eat, however, I am with you on that lighter meals may be best.  The key is to keep her eating but certainly not heavy meats that are very hard to digest for anyone.  After my dad passed i started a blog and wrote a few posts on nutrition and how to keep the calories up because it was something we struggled with.  http://blog.cincovidas.com/i-have-no-appetite-on-chemo-tips- and http://blog.cincovidas.com/cancer-treatment-causing-weight-l Hope they help, let me know how mom is doing and all the very best!
 
Love, strength and survival,
Britta
 

Amy, My sweet other half has prosate ca also he is on his his second round of chemo , did 1 round of radiation recently and I can barely get him to eat do you have any recipes you could share that I might try. I push fluids but that really doesn't go well either, we keep trying suppliment drinks but he doesn't like them. He used to eat ice cream most anytime but even that is difficult to. He wont eat meat anymore, His teeth keep breaking (side effects of almost 2 years on chemo). I try alot of soups he tends to do well with them however he cant stand any spices other than hot sauce anymore. I would appriate any suggestions, I have a real milkshake machine we use it alot. thanks milly