My mum

Hi, I'm not sure what to type here really.  My mum has been diagnosed with lung cancer, she can't be treated.  They have told us she can have pallative treatment.   I suppose I'm just looking for advice from people in similar situations... I'm my mums main carer, though I have great support from my family.  Sometimes I just don't know what to do, I hide my feelings because I don't like upsetting people, it's just hard at times. I just feel so sorry for her and dread what she has to go through.  I know it won't go away, I'm not naive about it, I'd just love some advice from someone who has cared for someone with the same diagnosis (she has adenocarcinoma)  I'd love to know what to expect so I can prepare for it with my eyes wide open, I know it will be hard for me to hear, but I'd prefer the truth.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.   

 

On 8/28/2009 ShannonD27 wrote:

Hi, I'm not sure what to type here really.  My mum has been diagnosed with lung cancer, she can't be treated.  They have told us she can have pallative treatment.   I suppose I'm just looking for advice from people in similar situations... I'm my mums main carer, though I have great support from my family.  Sometimes I just don't know what to do, I hide my feelings because I don't like upsetting people, it's just hard at times. I just feel so sorry for her and dread what she has to go through.  I know it won't go away, I'm not naive about it, I'd just love some advice from someone who has cared for someone with the same diagnosis (she has adenocarcinoma)  I'd love to know what to expect so I can prepare for it with my eyes wide open, I know it will be hard for me to hear, but I'd prefer the truth.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.   

1.    When I hear "she can't be treated" I think WHAT????   Do you have access to a 2nd opinion.   Why can't she be treated?   There is always hope, unless they've been treating her and run out of options she wants to tolerate.     It's best to get an opinion from a major cancer center where there are experts who deal with only lung cancer like MD Anderson, or SCCA in Seattle.   Your records can be sent there and insurance often pays for it.    2.   You are very normal in your reaction.   I was the patient, and had the same reactions, fear of the Big C.    I asked questions, and most of my fear went away.   The biggest thing was unrelievable pain.  A nurse friend said there was no reason to have pain.   They have too many ways to stop it.   There will be someone on this chatroom who can give you the exact name of a book, but there have been several written by Hospice nurses, telling what they do and what happens at the end.   Hospice can be called in to help you with any problems your Mom has, advice and meds, emotions etc.   They give in these books many of the things that might happen and what to do.  Your mom can go very peacefully.   3.   God loves you and your Mom and says he'll walk through the valley of death with us; death happens for everyone and is the entrance to heaven.    God makes us lie down in green pastures, leads beside the stilll waters, and restores our souls.  Ps 23.    I know there are those who will write about their end times with their loved ones and it is helpful for all.    You're being brave and smart to ask help in the chatroom.   

 

Thank you so much for your reply, I appreciate it so much.  I'm sorry to hear are a sufferer.  How are you?

 My mum is 80... that sounds so old, but she's a young 80.  The hospital she was in made quite a few cock ups to be honest, but we finally got her to an oncocogist and it was confirmed.   

She wouldn't be fit for treatment (so we are told)  although to be honest, I believe she wouldn't be fit for it either.

The book sounds good. 

Once again I thank you for your reply

 I will include you in my prayers.... I really hope you will fight this horrible disease

ps... my name is Clare, I only used Shannon because I'm scared my family might use this also.... sorry

I am presuming you are in Australia or England from your use ofthe word Mum. I am sorry for her suffering but use the search engine to look for "ways to help smooth the dying process" or something similar. She will have some bad times with breathing. Fluid tends to collect in the lungs.

At your mothers age (I know we never want to loose our parents) sometimes it is gentler to do nothing but help your loved one pass on. The treatments in this kind of situtation can cause an inordinent amount of suffering.  It is actually and individual call.   Pray with your mother each day, be gentle, tell her what a great Mum she was and just tend to her needs.  Take care and all the best MMS

On 8/28/2009 ShannonD27 wrote:

Hi, I'm not sure what to type here really.  My mum has been diagnosed with lung cancer, she can't be treated.  They have told us she can have pallative treatment.   I suppose I'm just looking for advice from people in similar situations... I'm my mums main carer, though I have great support from my family.  Sometimes I just don't know what to do, I hide my feelings because I don't like upsetting people, it's just hard at times. I just feel so sorry for her and dread what she has to go through.  I know it won't go away, I'm not naive about it, I'd just love some advice from someone who has cared for someone with the same diagnosis (she has adenocarcinoma)  I'd love to know what to expect so I can prepare for it with my eyes wide open, I know it will be hard for me to hear, but I'd prefer the truth.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.   

 

 

On 8/28/2009 ShannonD27 wrote:

Hi, I'm not sure what to type here really.  My mum has been diagnosed with lung cancer, she can't be treated.  They have told us she can have pallative treatment.   I suppose I'm just looking for advice from people in similar situations... I'm my mums main carer, though I have great support from my family.  Sometimes I just don't know what to do, I hide my feelings because I don't like upsetting people, it's just hard at times. I just feel so sorry for her and dread what she has to go through.  I know it won't go away, I'm not naive about it, I'd just love some advice from someone who has cared for someone with the same diagnosis (she has adenocarcinoma)  I'd love to know what to expect so I can prepare for it with my eyes wide open, I know it will be hard for me to hear, but I'd prefer the truth.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.   

Hello Claire:

 No doctors outthere got the heart to treat your elders, which is a true fact, even in this US, under new health care proposal is lean on that direction.  Sometimes I dont understand how people could think that way?  Without elders, parents how you become now?  Where you come from? Aint you need to show some respect to the elders- baby boomers? 

When my Dad was discovering he got Cancer at age of 82, it was hard to find any Doctors willingly to treat him even though Dad wanted to live couple more years as we the children are still young. 

Then when Mom got sick, even she was only 65, doctors still turned away from her.  I dont understand how those doctors got their philosophies and the doctor word meaning to them?  I guess the green dollars are more important than a person's life !

Anyway, sorry for ranting, it is holidays here in US and I am sad as I don't have family to celebrate with.  Pls check out this following website for more info about Lung Cancer book.  It has a lot of great info on the disease. 

www.lungcancerclaims.com

Best wishes,

V