Husband with 3B lung cancer

 Hi I have put messages in this sight before & I am really in a low today as a caretaker I thought I may find someone in the same situation that would understand My daughter & friends are great but I think they don't understand My husband has had cancer cancer (small cell) for 2 years He finished with his chemo & radiation treatment which did help the first years The tumor had shrunk  Then he got a cat scan & it had come back & traveled to his limp glands So then they tried putting him on Altimta a few months ago You wait 3 months & get another cat scan to see if it would help Anyway we went this pass week & it showed his left lung has collapsed & the cancer was rapped around his Aorta Vale (Heart) He does not want to take chemo anymore because he gets so sick So we go back & if he wants they can try a pill that has a bad track record for people that were heavy smokers which he was  He had a history of BiPolar 10 years ago & has now when into that again It is so hard for him but at times I feel like I can not face another day He has anger & just wants to argue I know that only God can help me but if anyone has ever faced this & has advice please leave me know Joan

So sorry for your situation.  Keep reminding yourself that it is the illness that is making him so angry and scared which is probably directed at you for no sane reason except that you are there.  How I deal with this is anytime the kids or his family asks what they can do, I ask them to come and stay with him for 2 days so I can go to my sister's to sleep and take long walks--my Sis lives 80 miles away--close enough to be back if an emergency and far enough away that I can let go of the situation.

Take care of yourself or you won't be able to care for him.  Bookmum, Sue

On 8/30/2009 Spitfire76 wrote:

 Hi I have put messages in this sight before & I am really in a low today as a caretaker I thought I may find someone in the same situation that would understand My daughter & friends are great but I think they don't understand My husband has had cancer cancer (small cell) for 2 years He finished with his chemo & radiation treatment which did help the first years The tumor had shrunk  Then he got a cat scan & it had come back & traveled to his limp glands So then they tried putting him on Altimta a few months ago You wait 3 months & get another cat scan to see if it would help Anyway we went this pass week & it showed his left lung has collapsed & the cancer was rapped around his Aorta Vale (Heart) He does not want to take chemo anymore because he gets so sick So we go back & if he wants they can try a pill that has a bad track record for people that were heavy smokers which he was  He had a history of BiPolar 10 years ago & has now when into that again It is so hard for him but at times I feel like I can not face another day He has anger & just wants to argue I know that only God can help me but if anyone has ever faced this & has advice please leave me know Joan

I also say so sorry for your situation and think the person's suggestion about  a 2-day stay away for your benefit sounds wise if possible.    I also have a great problem with letting others affect how I feel and have been trying to work on letting them be them and not trying to change them and working on things that distract me and keep me happy.  We can't and shouldn't try to change others.  It doesn't work and just frustrates us.    Just love him hopefully in ways he can understand.   Also, is it possible to distract him with things he likes?   I know some people get great peace from being in the mountains or by water, or their favorite books, or pictures of things they love.    It's hard to make the decision you won't take the medicine.  I'm going through that right now.   I've decided I don't want to be nauseated the rest of my life to gain a few months of life.   I have Stage IV lung cancer and we're going to have roller coasters in this treatment process, and I'll ask over every treatment whether the longevity prognosis is worth the nausea time.   You almost feel like you're doing the suicide thing because you're refusing the accepted medicine.   My encologist is very pro quality of life in this treatment.   My husband is very against the hazards of chemo.  All kinds of pressures.    I've learned to know that God knows the way through this wilderness and has a plan for my life.   He is a good shepherd.   Hope some of this helps.