where to go from here

I was dx with stage 3 last July. Had rad, chem,and surgery. All the cancer was dead and gone.First scan was clear and I go for another in October. I have been depressed lately thinking there is really no cure for this just extra time. I look at my wife and son and just can't believe whats happening to me. I have been on this sight for 10 months and try to help answer questions people have. I believe in God with all my heart but it would be nice to hear from others in the same boat as me.  I do know many others that are in a much worst position than me and I really get strenth from the way they go about there life.Thanks and God bless you all. Bill.

 

On 9/11/2009 luvliving wrote:

I was dx with stage 3 last July. Had rad, chem,and surgery. All the cancer was dead and gone.First scan was clear and I go for another in October. I have been depressed lately thinking there is really no cure for this just extra time. I look at my wife and son and just can't believe whats happening to me. I have been on this sight for 10 months and try to help answer questions people have. I believe in God with all my heart but it would be nice to hear from others in the same boat as me.  I do know many others that are in a much worst position than me and I really get strenth from the way they go about there life.Thanks and God bless you all. Bill.

Hi Bill:

I was dx with stage 2 last April, orginally they thought it was in the later stages and was inoperatable, but after surgery they down graded the stage. I had the chemo and surgery and it is now 13mths since surgery and all scans are still NED. I am sure your next scan will be clear as well. I do understand your concerns as I do have them myself, but we have to think of the positive and where we where and where we are at now. I think we all get depressed and will always have these concerns, but we just have to take each day as it comes and keep up the hope. There are survivors here and as time passes the odds of the cancer reoccuring get slimmer and slimmer. I know it is rough at times, and I too could not believe when it happened to me, I was healthy and feeling good and then bang my whole world changed, all I can say is I understand, and we are here for you and we have been where you are at. I try not to think of the cancer returning but the last 8 days I've been sick to my stomach and hardly eating, and the thought did cross my mind, but I pushed it aside and when I saw my doctor after having x rays, all is fine, so I worried for not, but one can just not help it, it will always be with us, it's what we do with it that matters. Hope I've helped somehow, pm me if you'd like to talk more.

Take Care and Be Positive

Evelyn

 

Hi Bill,

I think your feelings are entirely normal.  I would get so concerned before my PET/CT scans that about a week before I had one it was difficult to sleep.  I didn't want to tell my husband my fears and why I would toss and turn, etc. but it was the anticipation of having another scan and not knowing what they would find.  THEN, the fasting all carbs before the scan was another reminder that my life was upside-down.  I would be so very careful not to eat a smidgen of carbs so as not to upset the reading of the PET scan.  I recall one particular PET/CT scan about 2-1/2 years after my surgery that I got so upset I called the deacons and pastor of our church to annoint me with oil.  That was a big thing because it is rarely done in our conservative church, but I was pretty frightened and depressed.

Well, after over a dozen PET/CT scans on my last visit to my oncologist this past April he said, "Barbara for 2 years I have told you that I believed you were in remission.  Today I am going to tell you, I believe I can say you are cured." 

I have passed my 5 year mark and cannot believe that all that time has passed.  My quality of life is very good.  You will reach this point too, Bill.

Let us know when you receive the results of your next scan.  I know there are many of us out here praying for each other and that includes you. 

Yes, I think we can all relate to your feelings. My husband battles them daily. Depression is just a piece of it. Accept it, acknowlege it and realize what your options are. As a friend told me, Fake it till you make it.  You are lucky to be alive. Years ago, you wouldn't even be alive TO BE depressed. My husband is at home fighting these same demons. Life is NOT the same. Unlike others, we were told he would never be cured. They will just always address symptoms. His symptoms are minimal now, so he does his best to enjoy what he can enjoy. His next CT scan isn't till January and yet I know he's scared. Every ache and pain makes you think..........But think of your option.

So, hang in there, keep blogging. Keep telling us strangers how you feel and we'll share with you.  Right now I'm mad at my husband cuz he's at home doing nothing and I gotta work. Now how sick is MY thinking?  Yes, I feel crappy about it, but it is the way I feel, This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.  I was supposed to retire last year and he was gonna keep working. But I guess someone had other plans.

Thanks for listening to my complaints and know that we're all here to share. I have one last question...................Is it 5 yet?

P.S.  And yes, I will go home and tell my husband about this blog.

 

 Hello Bill,

Your are a very strong man and God has his hand of protection on you and your family. I know it is hard to see past the problems in our lives, but with the stringth you have you can do all things in Christ Jesus our lord  and saveyour who gives us our stringth in time of need. I incourage you to start confessing your healing in the power of God and in the name of Jesus Christ. Ask God to take away all dought and Fear from you, and see the peace that will come back in your life. As a caregiver I have to remind myself to do the same. So I know it works.

THE BEST TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

God Bless

Deen1

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bill,

 You  have to think positively otherwise what was the sense of going through the chemo/rad/surgery?  I went to a support group of esophageal cancer survivors recently, and met someone who had the surgery 13 years ago.  There were others in the group who were 8, 10 year survivors.  I was amazed and gratified since everything I've read led me to believe that no one survived that long.

I know many people who have had different cancers and every time they started not feeling well the first thought was that the cancer had recurred.  I think that is a normal reaction.  I also know people who have gone through all you've gone through and NOT survived.  The most beautiful words I ever heard the oncologist saying my husband's CT scan showed no signs of cancer.  That is what you have to grab on to.  Yes, it can recur, yes, you (or I) could get hit by a car and die tomorrow.  None of us knows what is in store for us.  What dealing with this horrid disease has taught me is to be grateful for every day we are alive, and if it is not a good day, maybe tomorrow will be.