This is my third time around

Hi, Linda...my name is Oby T., and I live in Naperville, IL. I just read your email and I felt that I needed to respond, since yes, this is also my "third time around," as I have had two reoccurrences of ovarian cancer. What has been my "saving grace," is that I finally reached a point where I believed that God was with me all of the time.

My cancer had 'finally' been discovered in July 2000, and after six treatments of chemo, I'd had a year of being what my oncologist called "cancer free," and I'd convinced myself that no, it was NOT going to come back -- ever -- even though he'd told me several times that with ovarian cancer you have to have a minimum of 5 years being "cancer free" to even begin to think of living another 10-15 years.

When I found out that my cancer had come back in January 2002, the oncologist told me, "You only have 1-2 months left," but followed that up by saying, "but we'll try giving you chemotherapy again."

SHOCKED! I was completely shocked for the next two weeks. But then I started praying -- for just one thing -- "acceptance." Acceptance of whatever happened and whenever it happened.

About 3 months later, I was sitting at home one afternoon watching TV, and suddenly I felt as though a piece of very sheer fabric fell over the top of my head and went clear down to my feet -- completely covering my body. Immediately I felt as though God had wrapped me in His embrace and was saying to me, "Oby, you have nothing to be afraid of. I'm here with you. I'll always be here with you," and from that moment on, I haven't been afraid.

The chemotherapy ended the beginning of May, and once again I felt wonderful.

The middle of August 2002 it came back again, however, this time I wasn't upset. I had an attitude with my oncologist of, "All right, what do we do now?" What we did was begin more chemotherapy...a different one this time. We had to try something different because I'd developed neuropathy in my feet (which I still have and will likely always have) and it was also very possible that if we continued the chemo that I'd been taking it would also affect my bones.

So we started Topotecan, and I've been taking it ever since. A good thing is, this treatment only takes a 1/2 hour, whereas with the two times, it took 6-7 hours. I've been taking it every 3rd week...go in Monday through Friday. I also go in for blood tests in the intervening two weeks.

We're now trying something new...instead of going in every third week, we're going to try going in every fourth week, which will give me more time in between to get my strength and energy back. It didn't bother me for a long time...only got a little bit tired. But over the past 3 treatments, I've gotten extremely fatigued.

My friends can't get over how I go, go, go all of the time -- and also maintain such a wonderful upbeat attitude. I always reply, "What's the other choice? Should I sit at home and feel sorry for myself all of the time instead? Nope, that's not me!"

I truly believe that I feel the way I do is because God granted me "acceptance."

You know, in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) we learn how to "Turn things over" to God, and to "Let Go and Let God!" It took me a long time to learn how to do that. In fact, although I'll be celebrating my 10th AA birthday December 13th, it wasn't until a two years ago that I was finally able to do that...and I'm so happy that I did, because so many miracles have happened in life since then.

Even in having cancer -- I have found so many blessings. When you have cancer you learn to value every single second of your life, and to also thank God for each of those seconds.

You know, I didn't realize how much I'd learned in AA until the day that the doctor told me (on the phone!) that I had cancer. When I hung up I went into shock for a few minutes, and then I called my friend, Shirley, to tell her the news. Know what I told her right after that? I said, "Shirley, I KNOW that I am going to learn lessons that I need to learn through this experience. It's a hell of a way to learn lessons, but I know that's what's going to happen. And I'm not afraid, because I also know that I'm not going to die during the operation. I'm going to be all right."

And that's exactly what has happened since that time...I have learned so many lessons that I needed to learn, and I have also been blessed so many times. I also continue to learn more and more lessons. And to me, all of the lessons I learn are things that God knows that I need to learn in order for me to grow. I call it "learning wisdom."

Oftentimes in AA people will tell me, "Oby, you are so wise," or, "Oby, you have such wisdom," and I consider that a wonderful compliment...I also know that it is only with God's help that I have grown into the woman I am today.

I truly love myself today. And in learning how to love myself, I have also learned how to trust what some people choose to call, my intuition. But I don't call it my intuition...instead I choose to believe that my 'intuition' is learning how to trust the wisdom of my soul...the soul that each and every one of us has within us. Gosh, our souls have been around for such a long time...and they are so wise...it's wonderful when we are able to finally trust and listen to what our souls have to share with us. (I also believe that are souls are, and have always been, directly connected to God.)

In other words, we've always had our soul inside of us which is directly connected to God -- all we've ever had to do was...reach out and take God's hand. It just takes some of us a lot longer to do that...and unfortunately, some of us are never able to reach that point. Why? Because we think that we have to maintain 'control' of our lives. What a joke! We've never really had control of our lives or anything else. We just fooled ourselves

OOPS! This is Oby again...I forgot to tell you that I am now 70 years "young." For some unknown reason I had always believed that I would live to be 96...oh, well, life has always got surprises for us, doesn't it? The only thing I know for sure is that I plan to enjoy whatever time I have left.

I've felt for quite some time now that it's my 'responsiblity' to do the best I can while I'm here...to learn and grow as much as I possibly can. Having cancer hasn't changed that. I consider this 'adventure' as a tremendous opportunity to grow in ways, that had I not had cancer, I would never have been able to experience. I didn't want to have cancer, but I do. So I have to accept what has happened in my life, and just keep movin' on.

God bless! Oby

Hi, I am starting my 3rd round of treatment tomorrow. I had stage 3b lung cancer in Dec. 1998. They removed the top and part of the middle lobe of my right lung in Jan. 1999. I had 7 weeks of radiation along with Chemo (Taxol) finishing up around Aug. of 1999. In the Spring of 2001 it was in my left lung I again had 7 weeks of radiaiton and then had a year of chemo (Taxetere) finishing in August 2002. Now it is back again (never really left I guess). So far it has not spread to any other organs. My quality of life has been good. Other than being tired I haven't had any adverse reaction to any of the treatment. I know I have been very lucky. As long as it doesn't spread and I have good quality of life I will continue to take the treatments. Rely on friends and family and church family to give you support - It really helps.

Yes,Lynda, I am also into my third bout with cancer. Mine is cervical, and matastasized to my abdomen and liver. I also have a "slow growing tumor by my lymph nodes in my back", according to my SURGEON, but not my ONCOLOGIST.. I get a different story with every doctor, but try to use my own common sense in choosing who to believe. My surgeon is pretty crass, and tells me right out that I am going to die soon.I guess he tells alot of his patients that though!..I don't buy it...I feel too good, but Like I tell my friends and family, "If this is dying, it's the way to do it." I am so much more blessed than so many! My worst symptoms right now, are neuropathy in my legs and feet, and I can live with that...I was first diagnosed in Oct, 2001.I've had surgery to remove a tumor from my intestines, and am currently taking Navelbine chemo...I am trying to get my oncologist to switch me to a different chemo..I am also looking into biologic treatment, and RFA for the tumors on my liver.I will post how that procedure goes, as I am having it next week...I think there's a lot to be said about attutude too. I also believe that a BAD attitude can probably contribute to a lessened immune strategy, so I try to keep a good outlook...It's not hard for me..But most of all, I try to thank God every day for being with me, and saving me many times...Until I felt the spirit,I ignored some of the times He was nudging me....My doctor tells me the cancer , once matastasising, will keep returning. Until we hear a "definite cure", it makes sense that it would, since there is almost always a stray cell floating around in there, just looking for a place to land. I honestly believe that if I get real upset and let anything bother me, I am setting myself up for a relapse. True, I have cancer again now, but I did have a lot of stress, including losing my husband and not eating real food for 20 months..I was really put to the test then, but God helped me out there too! When He is ready for me, that'll be it..Cancer can be a blessing in only one way that I can think of...It teaches you EVERYTHING that is importmant.and also what is so unimportant. I could have died many times in the past several years. I am now 58, and at my normal weight of 117...after getting down to 79. I feel real good..I hope to see a reply for you that tells of several ladies that lived for another 50 years after getting cervical cancer(late stages)...Best of love to you...God's love. Donna

Hi, Marjorie. I have two tumors on my liver, and am going for RFA treatment next week. The only two organs this doctor does this with, are the liver, and the lungs.He actually goes in with a needle (You are under anesthesia.)and burns the tumors! It is done usually as an outpatient, but I was told I would probably stay overnight for observation. This is done at Skyline Hospital, in Nashville. The RFA stands for Radiofrequency Albation.You might want to check on it, or watch for a post in the next week or two. Maybe I will be able to tell you a little more. I am anxious to do this. Keep in touch by email if you'd like, at --- Message edited by CancerCompass staff: for personal protection, email address removed. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html ----. God bless you all. Donna

Hi, Donna P....his could be confusing..haha..I am also Donna P, " as in Poole, but you might see my name up there as Bullecious. I hope God heals you too. Hugs, Donna P

Hi, Barbara. I am also on Navelbine, for cervical cancer (metastasized). I also have a tumor in my lower back (supposedly..) and my doctor asks me once in awhile, if I am having back pain. (which I haven't been). The only thing that seems to be a problem with the chemo is, I now have neuropathy in my legs and feet. Do you have that? I am also starting to get a nice little "patch" of FAT hanging on my middle..I can't say I lost my appetite...But the rest of me has never looked so healthy...How often are you taking this chemo? I started at every week, but after three weeks straight, my feet were numb, so I now go once every three weeks, for a 10 minute drip.My hair got so thin I finally shaved my head, but that's okay...It's just hair, and grows back...Losing my eyelashes was pretty scarey though!! WHEW! But they have come back. I think I've probably done around 10 treatments so far, but my Dr. intends to keep me on chemo for the rest of my life, with "rest weeks" in between. Hugs, Donna Poole

Hi, Oby.You Spring chicken! My goodness, you sound like a wonderful inspiration to everyone! My mother turned 80 years old this past January, and you ought to see her....She is sooooo pretty, and honestly, looks about 60- 62....She has a terrific attitude too....And, did I tell you? She's a breast cancer SURVIVOR since 1998. Gee, why is it that all of a sudden, I feel like I have to reply to just everyone in here??Haha!God bless you. Donna Poole

I am sorry..I meant to say that I want to see a reply for you from ladies living 50 years after any stage 4 cancer. Can I blame it on "chemo brain"? Donna

Hi Lynda,

My name is Laura and I was diagnosed 4th stage lung cancer .  They opened me up via my throat and then stitched me back up when they found lymph nodes outside the lung had been compromised.  They then gave me l year to live.  It is now four years later.  I have been in remission once for 6 months and then they grew back with a fury.  They are all almost gone once again.  I know that when Jesus died on the cross, He not only gave us salvation for when we die, but he was whipped and scouraged for our health.  He doesn't want us sick, He wants us healed.  And His word proves it.  As much as we can believe for our salvation, we have to believe for our health.  God gave us 70 years (Psalms) and then what we can believe for more.  I intend to see those years and more.  How about you?  With God on our side andf His word in our mouths, we will make it!  God bless you!

E mail me whenever you want encouragement or just to talk.

In Christ

Laura