My husband (who is 55) was diagnosed with Stage 4 Advanced Renal Cell Carcinoma and had his Right Kidney removed in April 2009, along with a tumor that had grown from 6 inches to the size of a football weighing nearly 10 pounds in just 6 weeks. His surgery and recovery went beautifully.
It has been 6 months since my husband's surgery. He is now in his 4th round of targeted treatment (Sutent 50 mg) and is doing fantastic. Prior to surgery his weight had dropped to 158 pounds (he is a 6 ft tall man) and he is now back to 228. We, of course, were told about the Clinical Trial option but chose to take an approved treatment from the get go!
The tumors had spread throughout his lungs prior to surgery and they have almost completely resolved. New scans will be done in late October and we are fully expecting to hear that no tumors remain.
Also, if you aren't already seeing a Doctor whose specialty is Urologic Oncology, you should, since many regular Urologists don't stay as up to date as possible on the latest treatments for Renal Cell Carcinoma. From your post, it's pretty clear that you don't have a doctor who knows much about RCC because Sutent is no longer a trial drug (nor are any of the other drugs you mentioned).
Also, when we talked with our doctor about the possibility of having to take a lower dose of Sutent (as we had read that some were taking), he said, "Why would we want to give you a lower dose that is less effective? If this doesn't work, or if you have side-effects that can't be managed, we'll move on to something else that will work!"
From the time of my husband's diagnosis, until the date he began taking the 50mg Sutent, the trials had started for another medication, Afinitor, and that is now the approved first line of treatment for Advanced RCC.
Like many, we felt Cancer was a death sentence. We have been happy to discover that, with the right plan, this isn't necessarily the case.