Dealing with Stage IV Melanoma

I am new to these boards. My doctor recommended I try something like this to deal with my prognosis. I was told last month that I have Stage IV Melanoma. This is not the first time I was diagnosed with melanoma, but this time it has come back and it does not seem to be stopping anytime. I am having a really hard time dealing with it this time around, especially with my family and friends. I am only 23. My prognosis is not good and I am debating what my next step should be. Since the doctor told me I have been carted around from one doctor, hospital to the next with test, surgeries, and more tests. My biggest struggle right now is how do I interact with my family and friends now? My parents are amazing and such strong people and I have some great friends supporting me, but I am not sure how to interact with them, because I am not sure if they are there out of pity and sympathy or if they are truly there. Its hard because I don't want to get too clingy, but I do need them there. I am not sure how to deal with them, especially with my best friend/ roommate. I am getting more and more frustrated with her and myself because we are dealing with it in two different ways and I just want to be on the same page as her. Help? Can anyone give me some insight how they have dealt with it either as a patient or as a friend?
Thanks!
J

On Oct 12, 2009 12:00 AM julia4 wrote:

I am new to these boards. My doctor recommended I try something like this to deal with my prognosis. I was told last month that I have Stage IV Melanoma. This is not the first time I was diagnosed with melanoma, but this time it has come back and it does not seem to be stopping anytime. I am having a really hard time dealing with it this time around, especially with my family and friends. I am only 23. My prognosis is not good and I am debating what my next step should be. Since the doctor told me I have been carted around from one doctor, hospital to the next with test, surgeries, and more tests. My biggest struggle right now is how do I interact with my family and friends now? My parents are amazing and such strong people and I have some great friends supporting me, but I am not sure how to interact with them, because I am not sure if they are there out of pity and sympathy or if they are truly there. Its hard because I don't want to get too clingy, but I do need them there. I am not sure how to deal with them, especially with my best friend/ roommate. I am getting more and more frustrated with her and myself because we are dealing with it in two different ways and I just want to be on the same page as her. Help? Can anyone give me some insight how they have dealt with it either as a patient or as a friend?
Thanks!
J

Cancer is a lonely deal-except your Lord in Heaven is waiting for you to invite him into your life.  I can give you advise but the Holy Spirit can give you strength and Advise;  I can give you my thoughts but the Lord Your Savior can give his Advice and His love.

I am 48 with head and neck cancer and I have nieces your age.  It is tough.  Don't overthink it and like all of us you probably feel lonely and isolated-I sure felt that way.  So just be yourself-be kind to yourself-be the kind of friend to them you want them to be to you.  Easier said than done...and mostly have a sense of humor and make your friends feel comfortable with you.

Better also, see a counselor ora pyschologist to talk to that can give you more day to day meaningful hope and help.  Sounds to me your feelings are perfectly natural and when you have cancer everything is magnified big time.  So don't press it-they'll come around.  Just be yourself, be upbeat but honest when you talk with them.  But make sure you talk about them, their lives and what they are up to!

 

Hope this helps a little.  You are a good brave and kindhearted sensitive person.

Oudave83  Dave

Hi Julia,

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with your diagnosis. But God knows how you feel and he is such a gentleman that he is just waiting for you to ask him into your life. He will give you the peace you will need to make this trip. You cannot give up. Cancer is a word, not a death sentence. Everyone is going to feed off what you present and if you behave as if you are frustrated and scared, you will probably get people feeling sorry for you and that will only make you feel worse. Get comfortable talking about how you feel and your illness. If you are having a good day, have a good day and so on. When I got diagnosed, my friends were so afraid to even say the word cancer, that made me uncomfortable. So I would just start talking about it and have a question and answer session and let them ask what they wanted. Initially, everyone was quiet and did not want to talk. I just told them that nothing has changed, I am still the same and I am ok. I think even my doctor was surprised with my attitude. When he told me I had cancer, I just looked him in the eye and said, what is our next move. Many will want to know when or if you are going to die...my answer was that I don't believe they gave me an expiration date. My point is you don't have an expiration date either...don't be so caught up about worring about dying that you don't live. Don't get me wrong...I get bad days and I do have my pity party...but no one comes...and I only make it last for 1 day. Remember also, cancer is just a word.  Choose another word honey...life.

Take care