LEEP Biopsy -- Please Help

Thank you for taking out the time to read my posting.

This whole entire year has been a horrible experience for me.

In March of 2009, I thought that I was anemic b/c I was feeling severely weak and tired. So I went to get my routine bloodwork done, and it turned out that I had mono. (Epstein Barr Virus). I was so alarmed by this that I immediately scheduled an annual with my OB-GYN. This followed with receiving an abnormal pap smear. I then got a colposcopy and was told that I have HPV. I then got a biopsy and was diagnosed with moderate-servere dysplasia. My MD at the time wanted me to get the cone biopsy, but I told her that I am not comfortable with this procedure and explained that I will hold off for half a year, to see if my cells reformat.

I am 25 years old. My father passed away when I was 17 from bone marrow/lympatic/lung cancer. It completely broke my heart to see someone I love so much wither away from this horrible disease. Now all of these sad memories are being reawakened by what I am going through.

So, in a nutshell...I was hoping that after 6 months of babying my immune system, that I would get normal results. I moved and found a new MD, and then in September got all my tests completed. Well, turns out that it advanced to full blown severe dysplasia.

I am scheduled to have my LEEP Biopsy next week on the 22nd. I am so scared, and I do not have much support. I already had my consultation in which we discussed the possible complications that can occur, and the long term effects as well. I am crying as I write this b/c I have no one and no where to turn to. The good thing is that my boss is being semi-understanding and granted me a week off from work for after the procedure.

 I am wondering if any of you can offer any advice or information that will calm me down. My stress is effecting my sleep habits. I am having major anxiety to the point of attacks.

 Any insight would make a world of a difference.

Thank you.

Christian~

I cannot thank you enough for your kind and thoughtful message. It seems that the boards here have updated their format, and I was unable to respond to your message until now. All in all, the procedure was okay. I focused on my breathing exercies. I kept thinking: "Breathe in the flower. Blow out the candle". My legs started to tremble/shake after the injection of anesesthia but overall, it went okay.

I am still healing though. I feel weak, and drained. I have been resting a lot and do not need to return to work until this thursday. I will not find out my results until thursday as well. I was under the impression that this surgery is conducted to remove the abrnomal cells, but it seems that they are also running a pathology report to see if there are any additional cancer findings. The thought of being forwarded on to a ob-gyn/oncologist gives me chills.

I am going to start journaling again. I always have a fear of keeping entries because of someone else finding them, etc. But I thank you for opening up my awareness about how good for the soul this can be.

My mother was my support. She has been there for me through thick and thin, and without her I would be lost. I think there is so much emotional damage that goes on when experiencing something like this. My boyfriend and I are going through some tough times, and the fact that I am not able to surround myself with a peaceful enviornment has been challenging to put myself at ease. But your message helped me shift my focus, and I only have you to thank.

Wishing you a blissful evening~*

Ina May~