Still seems like she should be here

It's been 2 months since I lost my mother-in-law to GBM and it still is tough for me. I can still see her lying in bed in the hospital after her final grand-mal seizure unable to move her legs, unable to control anything telling me she didn't know what was happening.

What could I have said? All I could muster was "It's okay, we'll all be here with you for as long as we can and we love you." I gave her a kiss and hug went and went home to my children. The next morning she was gone. It's the hardest thing I've EVER had to deal with in my life. And she's not even my mother.

I'm a Christian as was she so I know that she is definitely no longer in pain and is with the Father and I am happy in that aspect, but I'm just having a hard time getting past the past. Does that make sense? Ever had something similar happen?

I can't say that I'm depressed or I can't get through the days, because I have plenty to live for, I guess I still feel somewhat uneasy about her passing. Thanks for anyone who listened and I pray that if you or any of your loved ones have this disease that they do find a cure for it. Take care and God bless~

Dear Gr8ful,

It does sound very normal. I know that it takes longer and the journey is more winding and loopy than most of us could have ever imagined. If you just can't get past that one image and that one moment though, you might benefit from a little compassionate counselling. I was stuck for a long time on the post-op agony of my son. Even though he couldn't even remember it, and was doing better and better, I was stuck. My therapist helped me to create a response to the memory... so whenever it started flashing in my head, day or night, I would say, "It's over, he doesn't remember it, and we're not going back there." Just plain facts. Sooo... you might create some words to say to yourself, such as: "It's over. She is all spirit now. We loved her with all our hearts and did everything we could." Whatever feels right to you. You might have to say it MANY times, like I did.

Wishing you peace,

Sarah

mom of Andy 27 dx gbm/pnet 1/09

Guess I understand how you feel. I just lost my mother-in-law a week ago. Yes, she was not my mother either, but she was a very special person to me. It's hard to accept the fact that it's over. That soon. I'm still dumbed to think about how quick things are over. She was there and then gone. I am very very sorry that you are going through this too. Please know that you are not alone.

Dear Gr8ful,

You are experiencing the loss of a loved one. Even though she was your MIL it still  doesn't make it easier. I takes time to heal the loss. The loss is really never gone ....maybe from sight and touch, but memories are what helps sustain us as time goes by.

Your MIL was lucky to have such a caring and loving person, as you are to be in her life.

Knowing she is in a better place with no more pain will help your heart. Remember you built a relationship with her over time. Now that she is gone it will also take time to heal  from the loss of her. Missing her will always be in your heart. That is what love is all about.

You and your family are in my prayers!

May you find comfort with God's help!

Sheryl

Son 34 dx Grade 3 Mar 08