Hi there to all the family here on cancercompass. It's been a few months since I've posted, but I always catch up when I can.
My dad, Rory, finished his chemo and radiation September 1st. Just a brief history..he was dx Nov 08 right temp lobe. They were able to get it all out..minus those legs of course..he had no insurance so had no option for treatment. Lucky for us, he's a vet..so got him into the system..but before that was all said and done..tumor grew back..So, May 2009 had it removed. Finally started the treatment in July. One set back with swelling in September..a week stay in hospital since I could not get him to take meds at home to control swelling. The NO isn't sure that there is or isn't a tumor there so instead of waiting three onths we will get a PET scan in the next few weeks. So..here we are in October. My dad was living by himself. Just this past week I've decided it's time for him to move out of his house. I can't be a full time caregiver and we can't afford in home health care. I found a nice retirement apartment that provides meals and transportation along with someone there 24 hours a day. Now, this isn't a nurse but it's better than nothing. The VA can't help until he can no longer get out of bed or walk,yada yada yada....not to mention my dad was s/e and didn't have insurance has a ton of bills and no income since May..so..it's time to unleash the house, the car cut our losses and RUN!
So, to sum all this up..he's not taking any chemo right now. And still does not feel well enough to fight. I always tell him I'll back him up on whatever choice he makes..but I hate seeing him slowly start to go. I can only hope that maybe this is all due to the radiation and he might start to feel better soon.
What I can complain about is the in between stage. My dad can still talk, walk, shower, dress himself, and eat. But he has horrible short term memory, can't cook for himself, can't pay the bills, or remember to take his meds..or drive...or work. He is 59, and feels okay in his head..he wants to work..he wants to LIVE..and his body wont cooperate. That is what breaks my heart. And..boy do I mean break. What a huge horrible dose of reality to watch someone suffer..not from pain..but from wanting to live and not being able to. So, some days I pray that maybe the teeter-totter will tip. Honestly, any direction would be fine with me. I just want something, anything for my dad. It's so hard for him to be in this "in between" state..and I have a feeling it could go on for awhile like this.
Depressed and finding it hard to look on the bright side today...
Angie