Father dying of Pancreatic Cancer

Hi all, I am caring for my 59 year old father who is terminally ill with Pancreatic Cancer.  He is in his 20th month of fighting this awful disease and it hurts me so much to see him wasting away in front of my eyes and I am scared.   Really scared.  He was a healthy 14 stone tubby man before he was diagnosed, now he is down to 8 stone and is a complete bag of bones except for his huge distended stomach due to fluid build up (ascities).

The tumor was found in the head of the pancreas which was blocking the bile duct so they put a stent in to relieve the jaundice.  The tumor has since spread to his bowel.  Dad was pretty well up to mid August of this year when he couldn't keep any food down, after several tests it was apparent the tumor had spread and grown around the top of the intestine preventing any food from passing through the stomach. The hospital performed a gastric bypass to relieve symptoms so dad could eat again.  It was after this surgery he developed the ascites and began to lost weight drastically.

For the past couple of weeks dad is now spending more and more time in bed as he hardly has any energy at all.  He is down to eating one or two small meals a day (if at all) and drinks probably two glasses of fluid a day.  He complains that his taste has gone and he has no energy.  Some days are better than others and he does feel better after he has had the fluid drained, however the fluid always returns within a couple of days and gets so bad dad is having to have it drained every week.

From writing all of this I guess I pretty much know the answer to this question but just want to know what time I have left with my father.  I know every patient is different and every cancer is different but i want to know what I may experience in my fathers last week/days/hours.  I lost my mum to breast cancer last year so I have seen what happens in the last few hours but I want to prepare myself so I know the signs to look out for and be as strong as I can be for my dad to make him as comfortable as possible.

Any advice or experiences you can share would be really appreciated.  I would like the truth so please be honest with me.

Much Love,

Lisafo x

Oh Lisa I am so very sorry that your dad has reached this point, and just a year after losing your mom. I wish that I could give you a direct answer on the final days but everyone is so very different. I can share with you how the end came for my beloved dad after just a 5 month battle. He was actually doing quite well, still having chemo, and then in a short week he declined dramatically and passed away. He was very weak, had nearly stopped eating and had to have IV fluids and then on that Wednesday we took him to the hospital to have his fluid drained. Right after that he just began to slip away, stopped really talking and then slipped in to a semi coma state. His breathing was quite labored but he was not in pain. He passed that Saturday morning with my mom, brother and me by his side. It was very peaceful at the end, his breathing was softer and he just slipped away. I have to tell you we were no where ready to lose him but in hindsight I think it was so much better for him to pass so quickly.I hope that your dad still has some good fight in him or can rally as many do. Twenty months is a long time to fight, and what an incredible daughter you have been. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your dad during these most difficult days.

Donna

Hello Lisafo x,

I lost my father April 23, 2009.  He was dx Jan 26, had bypass Feb 23, tried chemo opted no more after two sessions.  We too had to see our dad, (mom's husband 45yrs together) wasting away also.  It was unbelieveable, he would lose 2-3 lbs per week and eventually his back was so sadly bones, from being an avid weight lifter and fitness 'person' it was horrible.  Nonetheless we were there at all times for him and made sure had had whatever made him comfortable.  His abdomen was drained, 40oz - just once, to give him some comfort.  When he could no longer eat we would give him crushed ice, or frozen crushed soda.  Once he fell, and could not walk on his own, it was a matter of 2-3 days before he pass away, peacefully, pain free, at home with having seen us and heard us say good morning just before going to Heaven.  He enjoyed a warm cloth on his face the last day or two.  His body temperature changed from being Cold to suddenly being Hot and it was w/in 24 hrs of this change he left this world.   

God Bless you and your family during this difficult time.

Renee 

I lost my husband to PC. Like your dad, he was a hearty man who just withered away to bones. It was terrible to see. Fortunately, he was not in pain. I did call in hospice but he died al little over an hour after the nurse visited for the first time.

If your dad is in pain, please ask for hospice help. 

Your dad sounds like he is shutting down with the minimal eating and drinking. Once that happened to my husband, he died within days. It was a peaceful passing.

You have been through so much. I pray you have the strength to go through this again. My thoughts are with you.

Hi Lisa,

I am very sorry to hear that your Dad is dealing with pancreatic cancer. It is one of the most devastating cancers there are. It can be a highly frustrating and disheartening time. I lost my beautiful mother earlier this year. She had many similar symptoms. The diagnosis and her passing all happened within a very short period of time.

I agree with Wife that bringing in Hospice at this time, would be a very beneficial thing, for your Dad and family. They can be very helpful in providing whatever your Dad might need in the way of support, ie. pain management, supplies, and provide support, advice and indepth explanations to family as to what will happen in the days to come. 

We had my mother outfitted with an inflatable mattress as she was experiencing a lot of bodily discomfort. Limbs, her back. She experienced swelling with fluid as well. The mattress might be something that your Dad may benefit from as well.

As for the minimal eating and drinking, sadly, this is one of the results of this disease and a hard thing to watch and accept. It's a good thing that your Dad is still eating to some extent, but just so you know, this may become next to nothing at some point. I had wanted my mother's doctors to consider feeding my mother intravenously, but they explained that sometimes introducing foods unnaturally, can have consequences such as poor elimination which she was already experiencing. I would suggest just offering whatever foods your Dad might like, and try to see that he has water supply at hand at all times.

I wish you all peace and much strength in the coming days. God bless you.

Oh Lisa,

The previous replies you have received say so much so not sure I can add much except it is a global illness and my beautiful mother died from it here in Scotland just 2 weeks ago,with all 'her bairns roond her '.

It can be very quick at the end so all you can do is be there for your dad as much as you can.I had support from my sister,partner and all mums siblings and friends,and my cousins,so I hope you have people you can call on to support you.

Mt thoughts are with you and please feel free to keep in contact anytime of day.

Annie

Firstly I would just like to say thankyou to everyone who has replied to my post.  I really appreciate your honesty and your comforting words.  I am so sorry for all of you being affected by this illness and I think these websites are a brilliant way of getting the support you so desperately need.  Whilst I feel I have support around me, its easier to talk to someone that knows exactly what you are going through and how you feel so thankyou. 

To update you all, dad has had a few bad days since I first wrote.  He has finally opened up to me and admitted that he has just had enough.  He has no quality of life, has no energy and just no fight left.  He wants to be with my mum now and not be suffering anymore.  We both know its just a matter of time so we have been talking about his funeral and I have helped him write his farewell letters - that was bloomin hard I can tell you.

He is still pretty much bed ridden, only eating small amounts, hardly drinking and is having alot of pain in his stomach but I am not sure whether that is down to carrying loads of weight with this ascites squashing his organs, I am taking him to hospital tomorrow for another drain so we will know whether that will ease any of his symptoms.  We will see.

Thankyou once again for your replies.  Will write again soon with an update. xxxx

Bless you Lisa, you are doing a brave, loving thing in caring for your Dad. Hang in there, and don't forget to take time for yourself. Hugs.

 Dear Lisa, I am so sorry that  your father has to suffer with this terrible illness . I too lost my father to pc on 11/06/09. He was the most loving ,kind hearted person that I have ever known. I will never stop missing him. He can never be replaced. That cancer turned a healthy ,happy man into  nothing but skin and bones. My family had to make the decision to remove him from life support. To let him go !  I now have peace knowing he went home to be with his LORD JESUS CHRIST. His body has been restored  and the cancer is finally dead. I pray that you too can find peace and love in the arms of GOD.