my mom, my friend

About 2 months ago, my mom started acting strangely.  My dad had passed away about 3 years ago and she pretty much stayed home and we did what we could for her.  I know she was so lonely, we all had jobs except for a brother that was on disablity and he took her to her doc appointments, my sister gave her her medicene and took her dinner everynight, she lived next door and I would come over once a week sometimes every 2 weeks and do her hair since I am a cosmetologist.  About 2 months ago, her little companion , a small dog got killed on the highway.  She started going down then.  She had lived with RA for about 35 years, so her hands were all crooked.  She had dementia and it seemed to be getting worse, She knew who her children were.  All of a sudden a month before she passed, she started locking her doors and would not let us in.  She refuse to take her meds and would not see a doctor.  She would not eat.  My brother and sister were her main caregivers and they tried send a rescure squad to get her and she refuse to go.Finall y, my sister drove her to the hospital, but she would not get out of the car, my brother had to get a court order to get her to go into the hospital.  she had a eye that was about to pop our of her socket and it looked infected.  Well it was infected, they found that there was something wrong with her liver, so they kept her.  Next day, they did a cat scan of her liver.  We were called in the next day and told that she had a tumor in her liver, one in her pancreas, she was 78 years old and was to weak to take cancer treatment, they gave her less than 6 months.  I started crying on the spot, I myself had a huge cyst on my right ovary and was suppose to go in to have surgery.  Everyone told me to go ahead and then during my recovery time away from work, I could spend time with her.  I had Surgery on Monday Sept 28, she died Oct 2, that fast.  I was devastated.  I did not get to spend my time with her.  I did get to the nursing home and sit with her while she was passing away and tell her I loved her.  We all had no idea she had cancer.  What a blow that was and I hurt so much and cannot stop crying.  She had a beautiful funeral, the room was packed full.  My mother was a sweet lady and a good friend, towartd the end we did not know what was going on with her.  I quess she kind of knew it was close to her time, she was whispering to people that was not there.  I will miss her so much.

Hello,

My deepest sympathies to you on the passing of your mother. I too lost my beautiful mother earlier this year, to PC. She was 83. I know some of the pain and sorrow you must feel.

My mother's passing was very quick as well, we too, did not know that what was going on inside until things were at a very advanced stage which is, unfortunately, very typical of this disease. The experience was very surreal and things happened fast, despite all of our efforts to find solutions and make my mother as comfortable as possible. 

My consolation is this, that our loved ones are in a place of peace and comfort, and surrounded and cared for by those who have gone before. This is what I keep with me. We lost my father in 1988 to colon cancer. Sometime before he passed, he said that he saw Jesus, something that gave us all a lot of comfort, and relieved our fears somewhat.

I am glad that you were able to spend some time with your Mother, and to tell her that you loved her. Like you, I was not there when my Mother passed, but I've often wondered if this was for the best. It would have been so very hard not to fall to pieces in her presence. I am so grateful for the opportunity that I had days before, to tell her how much I loved her.

I picked up a book entitled, 'On Grief and Grieving', by Elizabeth-Kubler Ross who wrote on Death and Dying. It has been very helpful.

I wish you much peace and strength in the coming days. God bless.

On Nov 04, 2009 1:31 PM BCinOntario wrote:

Hello,

My deepest sympathies to you on the passing of your mother. I too lost my beautiful mother earlier this year, to PC. She was 83. I know some of the pain and sorrow you must feel.

My mother's passing was very quick as well, we too, did not know that what was going on inside until things were at a very advanced stage which is, unfortunately, very typical of this disease. The experience was very surreal and things happened fast, despite all of our efforts to find solutions and make my mother as comfortable as possible. 

My consolation is this, that our loved ones are in a place of peace and comfort, and surrounded and cared for by those who have gone before. This is what I keep with me. We lost my father in 1988 to colon cancer. Sometime before he passed, he said that he saw Jesus, something that gave us all a lot of comfort, and relieved our fears somewhat.

I am glad that you were able to spend some time with your Mother, and to tell her that you loved her. Like you, I was not there when my Mother passed, but I've often wondered if this was for the best. It would have been so very hard not to fall to pieces in her presence. I am so grateful for the opportunity that I had days before, to tell her how much I loved her.

I picked up a book entitled, 'On Grief and Grieving', by Elizabeth-Kubler Ross who wrote on Death and Dying. It has been very helpful.

I wish you much peace and strength in the coming days. God bless.

Thank you for your post.  What your father said makes me feel so much more at ease.  I will check into the book.  I have been following the interviews of Patrick Swayze's wife and the book they have out I think will help me also.

Yes, of course. I had forgotten about Patrick's book. He fought long and well. I have seen it and think it will be a great inspiration to those who are still fighting the good fight. Thankyou for the reminder. Take care.

On Nov 03, 2009 10:12 PM sdavisbook wrote:

About 2 months ago, my mom started acting strangely.  My dad had passed away about 3 years ago and she pretty much stayed home and we did what we could for her.  I know she was so lonely, we all had jobs except for a brother that was on disablity and he took her to her doc appointments, my sister gave her her medicene and took her dinner everynight, she lived next door and I would come over once a week sometimes every 2 weeks and do her hair since I am a cosmetologist.  About 2 months ago, her little companion , a small dog got killed on the highway.  She started going down then.  She had lived with RA for about 35 years, so her hands were all crooked.  She had dementia and it seemed to be getting worse, She knew who her children were.  All of a sudden a month before she passed, she started locking her doors and would not let us in.  She refuse to take her meds and would not see a doctor.  She would not eat.  My brother and sister were her main caregivers and they tried send a rescure squad to get her and she refuse to go.Finall "" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://go.Finall " target="_blank" rel="nofollow">go.Finall y, my sister drove her to the hospital, but she would not get out of the car, my brother had to get a court order to get her to go into the hospital.  she had a eye that was about to pop our of her socket and it looked infected.  Well it was infected, they found that there was something wrong with her liver, so they kept her.  Next day, they did a cat scan of her liver.  We were called in the next day and told that she had a tumor in her liver, one in her pancreas, she was 78 years old and was to weak to take cancer treatment, they gave her less than 6 months.  I started crying on the spot, I myself had a huge cyst on my right ovary and was suppose to go in to have surgery.  Everyone told me to go ahead and then during my recovery time away from work, I could spend time with her.  I had Surgery on Monday Sept 28, she died Oct 2, that fast.  I was devastated.  I did not get to spend my time with her.  I did get to the nursing home and sit with her while she was passing away and tell her I loved her.  We all had no idea she had cancer.  What a blow that was and I hurt so much and cannot stop crying.  She had a beautiful funeral, the room was packed full.  My mother was a sweet lady and a good friend, towartd the end we did not know what was going on with her.  I quess she kind of knew it was close to her time, she was whispering to people that was not there.  I will miss her so much.

Hi Sandra,

So sorry to hear about your mum .My mum too was 83years young and was diagnosed on 16th Sept but died on 24th October here in her beloved Scotland.  Please don't give yourself a hard time as you and your siblings gave your love and time to your mum throughout her life by the sound of it.

She will always be close by for you to talk to her,or as we say here 'tae hiv a blether wi' her '

Take care of yourself in the coming months.

Ann

Hi Ann,

I am sorry about your mum.  My ancestors came from Scotland.  I am trying to not worry about so much how she is now, because I know she is in a better place and now with my dad, her dad and mom, and siblings that have gone on, more important she is with the baby girl she gave birth to , her first that died on the same day she was born.

I quess it is my own selfishness that wants her here.  She has just been here so much for me.  I quess this will take time.

Take care

Sandra