Boyfriend Needs Help To Support, Please Help

My girlfriend of 10 years, well almost, got the news about her dads lung cancer about 6 months ago. I dont know much about cancer, so i cant be much help explaining, or understanding. What i can say is, everything seems to be going good with him. But it;s her i am worried about.
See we had some problems and split up, about 2 weeks before the news of her father. But we have been able to keep as friends, and try are best to work on us. But how this cancer with her father is afecting her has me scared. I have always heard about how improtant a father/daughter relationship is. And now that hers is slipping away, i see changes in her, that have me worried. She is 26 years old, and she lived with her parents untill she moved with me at 24. Now she is on her own, in her own house. SO see she is pretty close with her dad. Even thou her childhood with him was rough. HE was a drinker. So anyway i am trying to figure out if how see is reacting is normal, and or something to worry about.
She has said many times that she doesnt have time to work on any relationships in her life right now, not with me, her mom, her dad, nobody. She says her life is going to be turned upside down anyday now, and she will deal with everything then. She has some health problems of her own. Woman problems, that i think , as sad as it sounds, got her to understand finally. But she told me, that she cant deal with it right now, cause its all about her dad right now. And i thank she feels if she might have something going on inside her too right now, it would take something anyway from people careing for him. I dont really know. ITs just seems she is running away from everything that use to mean anything in her life. And not caring about herself, or her well being. She has turned to a few friends, well not real friends. see she has turn to a couple of her girlfriends who normal, blow her off, or not return her calls. I told her i thoght she was running to people she knew whould be there for the long haul, cause she fears connecting with someone, and haveing to lose them. And she cried, and yelled at me, i felt bad, but i didnt know what to do. I see her making odd, and sometimes bad choices, and i just know it is cause she is losing her dad. What do i do, how do i help her. Anyone who can help me, help her. i will love you. Please i know this was long, but this is my first step towards trying to learn about all of this. Thank you, and god bless you all.

hi Matt

I was reading scolling thru normally look at the brain cancer section since my dad wwas just diagnosed in October with grade IV gbm and happened to for once look at a different section..

I am going through a similar situation. Just ended a relationship just before my father was diagnosed. I can't tell you what to do or say cause and I wouldn't even If I knew ya . but I can tell you how I have felt and maybe it will help shed some light on your situation. maybe not...

I often feel like I can't focus on anything new.. like finding a new relationship or fixing the old one because there is so much to focus on with my dad. He is sick and getting sicker by the day. I have had to learn all about what he has in order to be his health advocate, I have had to call insurance companies to see whats covered, get a hold on his financial situation to help my mom figure out how to manage things, plus make arrangements for plots and services so there is less to do when the time comes (which will be soon) this is without even considering my emotional self. and I have to keep on top of my fulltime job..And there is much much more..I just moved into a new place

I find that the people I am choosing to keep up with and tell about what is happening are people who will listen and not judge me --I am relying on relationships that are "easy" --no problems, fights, no guilt for not calling enough etc...mostly my girlfriends or old friends from home --life is so crazy right now I am trying to focus on not bringing more craziness in. MY ex has been helpful in some ways.. pragmatic/logistical ways..but sometimes I am angry at him for not supporting me emotionally.. my 13 yr old cat is also dying of cancer so when I go home he comes and gives her her life saving meds 2x a day. which I am SO thankful for. He doesn't call me. he doesn't listen to me or say as I wish he would --how are you and really listen.. or ask how my father is..(his father died of brain cancer-- I suspect this may be why) I get angry at him sometimes because he criticizes me pretty much whenever we get together. I know he loves me but I need support --not him telling me how to live my life.. He can tell me how I do things wrong later.. or never.. but now that my father is dying I can't focus on him..after this is over I will look at what i want to do with our relationship for now all I can handle is a friendship. I used to say in our relationship that it was as easy as it gets..no kids no real problems no owning anythign.. and we had a hard time with that.. I think of how he deals with crises it makes me think of what it would be in a marriage where we have real problems like this in life... is this enough for me..

A new world has opened up for me. I see life isn't so long.. I try to focus on the important things.. connecting with my dad as much as possible and trying to figure out my realtionship with him. I also have had a historically conflict ridden realtionship with my dad.I now see in me lots of qualities that he has--sometimes that is good sometimes disturbing. I think sometimes I will have the same destructive force within me. the kind of thing that when something is broke and you don't fix it --it brews inside and makes you sick. It is scary. It makes me really try to focus on a commitment to address my issues... Also I look at him and consider at what kind of partners I have been bringing into my life.. often like him and some not.. It is a real eye opener to see your dad is a weakened state when for so long the tables were turned.

There are also good days.. good days I feel like this journey will teach me alot and eventually I will be able to bring good things into my life again. Jsut right now I have to be in the messy emotional things in order to get there.

I have faith that things will work out as they are meant to. I know for me my ex and I will always be frineds but I can't say anythign more til this is all over. Perhaps this time is a time she needs to resolve some issues with him and see her life in a new way. It is a roller coaster and it is so draining to go thru.

In the end the thing we need most in life is compassion and patience.

I know I didn't speak to the details your specific situation or should do but maybe my experience can help you understand some of what she might be going through. In the end I would go with your intuition and live from your heart.

I wish you the best of luck.. Hang in there.

PS Also do encourage her if you can to seek care if she has a significant health problem. She can't care for her father is she is sick herself. Caretakeers need to care for themsdelves in order to haev soemthing left ot give.

sorry this is so long