Hi Audra,
My heart is heavy as I read about your Dad. I will be praying for your Dad, you, and your family. I wasn't sure about responding to your message, but I decided that I would. Your Dad sounds like a courageous man and I know that you are on an emotional roller coaster right now.
My Dad was diagnosed as having inoperable cholangiocarcinoma (intraheptic) in May of 2004 @ 56 years old (most likely from working around carcinogens for 35 years - he did not have any family history or any risk factor such as drinking or smoking or stones, etc.) He had never been sick a day in my 35 years of life, so we couldn’t believe that he had cancer - it was quite a shock to say the least. We desperately searched for a miracle and Dad was determined that he would find a way to survive. He continued to have chemo right up until he passed away (his choice - so we didn't discourage him). However, we (Mom and kids) wanted to say, "Please stop" after about 6 months of treatments. Oh, how I wonder now if he just continued treatments because he thought it was what we wanted. I wish we would have said, "Dad we want you to do whatever it is that you feel is best, but if you want to leave this in God's hands, that is o.k. too." Dad's doctors "pushed" him to continue treatment. I am not sure that continuing treatment was a good idea. After a certain point, I think that he would have been more comfortable without treatments. I wish his doctors would have said, "I think that you will be better off to stop treatments for a while and let your body rest." My Dad weighed 235 when he was diagnosed and I don't even want to know what he weighed toward the end of his life. I just know that his liver could not process the drugs after a certain point and that I truly believe that continuing the treatments made things worse.
I certainly don’t feel qualified to give suggestions because everyone's situation is different and HOPE and Faith are SO important. But if I could offer any advice from our experience, it would be this: Continue to be supportive, let him see who he wants to see, let him express his emotions,don’t forget to “take care of yourself”, and MOST importantly “follow your heart”. If you believe in prayer – pray. Seek support from friends and family. Find a healthy outlet for your emotions – cry, write, run, listen to music - whatever helps you “let it all out”. Again, my prayers are with you and your family and I hope that others can offer you suggestions and comfort at this VERY difficult time.
Sincerely,
T.