I can't tell you how sad I am that this is happening to you, and to some degree to all of us. My husband too has changed. I talked with him about removing the guns from the house and he agreed with me. So very quietly I gave them to a friend. When John discovered they were gone he was furious and said that he had agreed to have them removed at a later time. Our son who is a police officer told me that if he ask about them then it was the right thing to have done. Still, it was very frightening. We have been married 40 years and when he tells me that he thinks that I hate him and am trying to get rid of him it hurts. I have had John put on Ceriquil, ( antipsychotic med) and it has help tremendously. John took Temador for 18 months and did not have the reaction that your husband had, his problems stemed from the decadron. Once we decreased the dosage he became much calmer.
I don't know how you can live with that kind of fear, speak with his NO and suggest different meds. I don't think the ativan will do the job, he probably needs something stronger.
May God bless and keep you both.