My Wonderful Brother Died Of Pancreatic Cancer 3 Weeks Ago

I'm writing this because tonight I had a hard time sleeping. I was with my brother the night he went home and it was not easy. He struggled to breath,I believe his lungs collapsed or filled w/fluid. But just to have that memory in my head hurts. I was just thinking will I hear him again, his beautiful laughter, his big wet kisses and most of all his Bear hugs. My brother, my leader. I will never say good-bye but see you later. You are walking with the KIng or sitting at his feet. But I sure miss him. Tell me does this get easier?

Dear Cathy,
My heart goes out to you. I also was with my Dad when he took his last breath. That was 12 years ago. My dad had colon/liver cancer, and along with my mom & sister in law, we stayed with Dad in the hospital for 7 days. I couldn't leave him. It will get easier, but you will never forget. I still can see my Dad lying in that hospital bed. They had no idea what was keeping my dad hanging on, and I finally looked at my mom and said, we have to tell him it's ok. Not 10 minutes later Dad passed on. Hang in there CAthy. Just remember all the times you saw your brother smile and laugh, and all the "special" times you had together. For years on Christmas eve I would go into the other room to be by myself around 4:30, because this is about the time my DAd would always come to my house to spend the evening. I would have my breakdown, and then go on. That has gotten better also.
Now my Mom has pancreatic cancer, she had the whipple in Sept., and is having a rough rough time. Christmas this year brought back so many many memories of my Dad, mom was so sick Christmas.
Cry when you want Cathy, scream if you want. Just don't hold it in. It will ease as time goes on, not tomorrow, not next week, but in time.
My thoughts are with you Cathy.

Lynne

dear Catty

I know just how you are feeling. i lost my father on 5th september 2005 to pancreatic cancer. He was only 50 years old. Shocking truth is his sister died of the same cancer 10 years previous. I as well as my sister and brother was with him as he took his last breath. It was quite shocking how fast he left us. Just the day before i was sat with him with my daughter (his only granddaughter who at the time was only 15 months old)and to this moment now i would never had said we would have been without him 24 hours later. I don't want to go into depth about his passing as it was hard to watch him for those pain killing 14 hours but one comforting thought i hold close to my heart is when he passed my mother was there to great him with big hugs and kisses. I lost her on october 1st 2003 to non-hogkins lymphoma cancer she was 46 years.
I have been having terrible flash backs and some days i don't sleep at all but i does get better. My mother and father both prepared us (more my father as he knew we would be kept busy) at the moment i cannot go to lay flowers for them but i find talking about the good times to my daughter who still cries for her granch helps. Keep your chin up and remember live life to the full as you never know whats for us around the corner. it does get better with time believe me. xxx

Hi Lynn,

Thank you so much for your words and assurance. Sometimes I feel like time is moving so fast that I feel guilty. I can't believe it will be one month on 6 of Feburary. He was only 49. He left 3 children, two girls 25yr, 15yr and 6yr boy. He was my eldest bro. Sometimes I just sit there in the dark and cry because I remember that night so clearly. Him reaching up to grab me because he couldn't breath! The struggle and desperation!! All I could do was pray and tell him Jesus is waiting. I guess my expectation was that he wouldn't struggle..but he did. Thank you again for allowing me to share with you, I now know what it feels to have a family member pass. I will be praying for you and your mom (how is your precious mother?) and family. If there's anyting I can do please dont hesitate to ask.

God Bless,
Cathy

Thank you so much for your words and listening to me. Sometimes I feel like time is moving so fast that I feel guilty. I can't believe it will be one month on 6 of Feburary 2006. He was only 49. He left 3 children, two girls 25yr, 15yr and 6yr boy. He was my eldest bro. Sometimes I just sit there in the dark and cry because I remember that night so clearly. Him reaching up to grab me because he couldn't breath! The struggle and desperation!! All I could do was pray and tell him Jesus is waiting. I guess my expectation was that he wouldn't struggle..but he did. Thank you again for allowing me to share with you, I now know what it feels to have a family member pass. I will be praying for you. Thanks for hearing me, and I do take life seriously and want to live it to the fullest. I can only pray it will get better with time.

God Bless, Cathy

I can't believe it's been 3 months now, since my brother passed away. Lynn thank you for your email I just ran across it again and wanted to check on you and your mother. Please I'm going to say a prayer for you keep up your head and be strong. I appreicated your kind words back in Feb. Write me and tell me how your doing. If you'd like to meet my family I made him a memorial web at www.virtualmemorials.com, look for his name or type it in: Raul Castaneda.

God bless, look forward to hear from you.

Cathy