My Dear Sweet Mom

Hello...
I have come across this site on my routine search for information to all my "whys" regarding the death of my soul mate and mother this last July (2005). My Mom was 72, a retired R.N....never been sick or in a hospital a day in her life. Suddenly had an onset of "heartburn" that would not be alleviated no matter what she tried. Being an R.N myself, I was aggressive about her getting to a doctor and gettin gall the appropriate tests done immediately. We even expediated her tests in ways that were unbelieveable. It wasnt two weeks and we had a diagnosis of metastic Cancer, primary gallbladder. We saw the top surgeon in North America Dr Scudamore in Vancouver. He was unable to do anything, as the disease had progressed beyond control. The shock and horror were undescribable. I am still speachless 7 months later. She and my father found out her fateful news on their 50th Wedding anniversary June 16, 2005. My mother and the love of my father's life died only 4 weeks later on July 19, 2005. From start to finish.......this disease took my Mom with in the blink of an eye, and we had no idea. She had a "tap" on her abdomen to help drain off the excess fluid that caused so much pain in this area......with in hours, you could fee a new mass growing at the site of insertion. An aggressive disease is an understatement. In my 15 years of nursing I had never seen anything so virulent.
My heart goes out to all of you who face a similar situation. To say I hope they find a cure or understanding for prevention for this disease one day, is an understatement. To lose my mother was my worst nightmare and fear. I always knew some day I would have to face this reality, but not like this with no warning and only weeks from start to end.
My only advice to all who are experiencing this is appreciate every moment you have together, and know you are not alone even tho it feels so much that this is the case. I dont think I will ever (even with my medical knowledge) grasp what just happened to my prescious family.
Hug each other........:) Dawn McQuinn R.N

Hi

I'm not any part of the health field. My Aunt is an 83 year old breast cancer survivor. My Husband is a 59 year old prostate cancer survivor. My Mom is in a rehab nursing home now following colon cancer being found after part of her small and large intestines were removed for the second time...she is 80. She finished the surgery and they found that she was still nauseated. They placed a drain in her gall bladder which they found was infected after they performed a scan. The gall bladder may be removed before chemo can begin. She is very weak. I agree with you about enjoying each moment. My question to you is what if the gall bladder is also cancerous...how fast do the cells grow in the gall bladder or the colon...?

my mother has just had her gall bladder removed and stage 4 cancer diagnosed are you saying your mother passed away in 6 weeks after seeing the doctor does life leave this suddenly?

hi dawn this is jennifer f. i read your message sorry to hear about your mother its very hard to know what to say to people when something like that happens i only found out yesturday that my dad is going to die of gallbladder cancer he is in the advanced stage of this disease i just cannot believe it he is only 53 and he is going to be taken away from me prematurely im 23 three years ago i gave birth to his first grandchild and im with caitlins father for four years now it hurts me to think my dad wont see caitlin grow up and he wont be able to give me away when i get married to graham im very close to my father and im afraid of losing him yours sincerely jennifer f.

Dear Dawn:
I had to write to you as your thoughts and situation sound almost identical to mine. My Mom was 83, in good health, all was well until she turned yellow on March 30th. At first, they thought she had gallbladder trouble/stones.
The rest is a nightmare. She was diagnosed with biliary duct cancer on April 4th and by May 30th, she was gone. I am an only child who was very close to my parents. My Dad passed away last September of congestive heart failure and now my Mom just 8 months later. They were married 63 years. We tried all sorts of treatment,going to Duke and getting hepatic drains, then her kidneys failed and they tried dialysis. Well, I could write all night about losing my dear Mom, but I just wanted to offer some comforting words to you.My cousin gave me this poem:
I am standing on the seashore.
A ship spreads her sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
I stand watching until she fades on the horizon, and someone at my side says,She is gone. Gone where?
The loss of sight is in me, not in her.
Just at the moment when someone says, She is gone, there are others who are watching her coming. Other voices take up the glad shout, Here she comes.
Anonymous
Anyway, I feel for you, my heart goes out to you. I do know how it is!
I am usually on this message board looking at biliary duct messages, but for some reason ,tonight, I went to liver, pancreatic, and gallbladder cancer boards. I guess I'm still searching for answers-how could she go this quickly when the Dr's said the tumor was small, slow growing, and the drains would remove the bile and give her some time-at least 6 months.
God bless you and your Dad.
Robbie

My father died of Gallbladder cancer almost 15 years ago....I think the reason it is so insidious is because it is rarely detected early...it has time to metastisize and spread before it is discovered. My father was traveling to Walter Reed once every two-three months for his cholesterol problems for years (most of my lifetime!) and was diagnosed with an aortic anuerism. Then they realized that he was in need of a quadrouple bypass in order to undergo surgery for the anuerism. The bypass was completed and he recouperated well from it, when they finally opened him up to perform the aneurism surgery, they found the gall bladder cancer. It had already spread to his pancreas, stomach, prostate and bones. They gave him 3-6 monthes to live, he lasted maybe 3 years, but the quality of life was poor, he tried every from of chemo, radiation and experimental trial meds that he could because he wouldn't give up. He commented oftem, "if only I had had my gallbladder out years ago, I'd be fine now...."

HI Robbie
Thank you so much for your heartfelt email on the cancer compass website. I have rarely gone back to that site after writing in there. For some reason I hit my hotmail this am and was about to delete all the crazy messages that get in there as junk, when I saw my name written and cancer by it......I followed the link and read your message. I thank you deeply for taking the time to write and want to tell you how much I felt your kindess.

I too am VERY sorry to hear about your mother. Yes, I can relate to you very much. It did happen so fast for us both and that does leave us just spinning in disbelief even well after the time has passed. I have never seen a cancer take someone that fast. I was reading her journal only a few days ago of her last days with us before she was unable to write any more due to the narcotics.......and I was suprised to read that (as my mind was so blurred at the time) she infact was diagnosed on June 25, died July 19.........her words were "today I have learned that my time is limited with my precious loving family....." Anyways......I hope you get my message and ask you to send me an email directly to my hotmail if you want to keep in touch and talk about your experience :O) --- Message edited by CancerCompass staff: for personal protection, email address removed. Please review CancerCompass Member Guidelines at http://www.cancercompass.com/common/guidelines.html ----
Thank you for the poem too......that was awsome:) I hope to hear from you. If not, take care of yourself and thank you for reaching to comfort a perfect stranger. Obviously you are one of a kind in this big ol world :)
Dawn

Hi Penyu

I dont know how fast they grow other than what I saw with my Mom. What I do know is that if the gall bladder is invaded and UNdetected, it grows fast and is easily spread with out symptoms. By the time the symptoms show up, the disease has progressed greatly. Hopefully the gallbladder came out and there was no spread there, or if there was it was detected and caught fast. I hope things are going well for you and your family. Thank you for your reply. Dawn

Hi Zippidido

Yes, that is what I was saying and was the horror of it all. As I wrote Robbie, I have read my Mom's journal since and noticed that she was actually not officially diagnosed until June 25, then died July 19......the weeks proceeding that are a long story and lay with in a story that had a false diagnosis of possible pancreas cancer. This was the news she found out on her 50th anniversary, but turned out she has a short repreive from the horror when her doc told her that it was a mistake and the CT scan was clear. We already had an appointment with Scudamore, so decided to take the ct scan in there anyways and make sure. It was then that he popped it into his lap top and called me outside to say that there was definetly something wrong......but not with the pancreas. He did a biopsy, and the call came in June 25 to say she had metastatic ca spread tothe liver, and lymph nodes and there was nothing he could even attempt to do. So yes......it happened so fast our heads where literally left spinning out of control. I hope that things have turned out better for your situation.........take care and thank you for your post. Dawn

Hi Jenny

I am also so very sorry to hear of your Dad's fate. I rarely e check this site so I see it has been some time. Thank you for writing and my heart is with you and your situation. Pain like this is hard to endure at any point in our lives but when you are still so young, I know it is a terrible feeling to lose your parents. As I have said, it is my worst nightmare come true........sadly it is a nightmare that is very realistic and must be dealt with. Easy to say, hard to feel.....Take care Jenny and know that your Dad is there in your memories to walk you down the isle, and no one or nothing....not even Cancer......can take your memories away:) Keep him alive in your heart and through your children as they are the life with in your Dad that lives on for you to have, see and feel :)
Take care, Dawn