My Mother is dying of breast cancer. I am so afraid.

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My Mother is dying of breast cancer. I am so afraid.

by Weeze010101 on Wed Apr 28, 2010 10:09 PM

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Hi,

I'm new.  My mother has not officially been diagnosed, but the oncologist has stated that all signs are pointing to stage IV breast cancer.  4cm tumor left breast, mets to liver, spine and maybe even the stomach.  From what the oncologist told us today, depending on the biopsy, we may not want to proceed with treatment.

It funny because my mother has been healthy her whole life.  Last year, they even did a mammogram (which was clear).  They told her to lose some weight last summer, so she did.  Next thing you know, her blood work is a mess.  Within 4 weeks, my mother has gone from 'losing 35 pounds', to being anemic to metatized cancer.  How the hell did this happen?  She's only 68.

I'm terrified.  I'm beyond terrified.  I terrified of treatment (if they even offer her treatment), I'm terrified of her being in pain, I'm terrified of her suffering, I'm terrified of watching her die.  I'm terrified for her, for her granddaughters, and for my husband and I.  I don't know what to expect.  Why is this happening? 

I don't know what to do with this.  When my father died, it was somewhat 'expected', he had been ill for years leading up to his death.  But my mother doesn't even look sick.  Yes, she doesn't have the energy she used to, but I don't have the energy I had a couple of years ago either.  I don't know how to deal with this. 

My dear Mom is dying, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Louise

Liza-Schultheis Liza-Schultheis
(Inactive)

RE: My Mother is dying of breast cancer. I am so afraid.

by Liza-Schultheis on Tue May 25, 2010 06:38 PM

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Louise,

I am so sorry. 

Please continue posting here, My mother was diagnosed with inoperable GBM (gliloblastoma) Cancer of the brain.

The people here gave me great advice, support, and love.  Post on the brest cancer forum with your questions and the people that visit will give you all the information that they have.

Contact the Komen orginazation and see if there are any support groups that can help you deal with the pain and fear.  Maybe look into some grief counseling also.

I do not have any answers, and am sorry for that.

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) and prayers are being sent to you.

Liza

RE: My Mother is dying of breast cancer. I am so afraid.

by bugsh on Mon Jun 07, 2010 02:49 AM

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My thoughts are with you. Liza is correct contact some groups for help and counseling. There are ways to keep her pain free, hang in there and keep posting, everyone here cares.

Marsha

RE: My Mother is dying of breast cancer. I am so afraid.

by momto3gsds on Mon Jun 07, 2010 08:33 PM

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Hi Louise,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but as others have written please continue to post. There are many people here that are in the same situation as you, or that have been in your situation, that can help.  It's scary enough as it is but information is power and the more you can get, the better off you will be. 

When are the biopsy results going to be available?

Take care,

Rosa

RE: My Mother is dying of breast cancer. I am so afraid.

by SisterofLMS on Mon Jun 07, 2010 09:02 PM

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I know how you feel. My sister who is only 47 is in the same boat. She is fighting stage 3 breast cancer and LMS (sarcoma tumor) and now the sarcoma cancer just came back so she is no longer curable. All depends on how fast the tumors grow but the average is 3 years. I dont want to lose my sister, we talk 5 times a day and now I have to watch her die. This is so sad ;( 

RE: My Mother is dying of breast cancer. I am so afraid.

by hopen on Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:15 PM

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Hi Louise,

I can honestly say "I know how you feel"!!  My mother found out on New Year's Eve day that she has stage 4 metastic renal cell carcinoma, aka kidney caner.  She is terminal and it took me months to accept that.  My mother is 63 years old, has always been healthy, never drank or smoked, ate right, exercised!  My family was all in a state of shock.

All you can do for your mom is to be there for her, tell her how much you love her, spend as much time as you can with her.  My mom's oncologist talked personally with me and told me that they don't know how much time she has, but pack 20 years into 6 months.  I have 2 children and it kills me that she won't be here to see them grow up, I think that is the part she is scared about too.  She doesn't want to miss anything.  I have learned to live each day to it's fullest and I try not to worry about tomorrow or the next day.  It's hard and it just sucks!!

Hope

RE: My Mother is dying of breast cancer. I am so afraid.

by muigi84 on Tue Jun 08, 2010 12:06 AM

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Hi Louise,

I'm very sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. I can empathize. I too was beyond devastated when I learned about my mom's inoperable stomach cancer. She also has been healthy her whole life, and like many people, did the "regular" tests and checkups you're supposed to do when you get older....only to discover she had cancer when it was already at a later stage. My father also passed away from lung cancer, but he smoked like a chimney... I've learned that life may not always be fair, but I have to count all my blessings. I'm only 25, and I feel like one of my mom's true satisfaction in life would be to be a grandmother visiting and watching her grand children - too bad I'm still single lol. I try not to dwell on what may or may not happen, because I will never give up and she can still survive this. I have to believe in miracles.

It's ok to be afraid. I'm terrified too. I've also learned to channel my frustration by being proactive in learning as much as can about integrative medicine, nuitrition, and advancements in cancer treatment incl clinical trials. My advice is to just be there for your mom. My emotions have been on a rollercoaster, but I've also found that my feelings went through stages from depression to numbness to now- fighter mentality. In fact, I remember crying nonstop and just wondering when these feelings will end and when I will be able to get over the diagnosis. You can also look at it this way: we are all dying; no one will live forever. There is something you can do about it- be there for her, support her, and stay strong and positive. Seek out support groups or people who have gone through when your mom's going through. A great organization is Imerman Angels (http://www.imermanangels.org/

) which matches and individually pairs a person touched by cancer (a cancer fighter or survivor) with someone who has fought and survived the same type of cancer, as well as for caregivers. I also suggest the book, Life Over Cancer, which talks about ways to incorporate exercise and nuitrition in her daily regimen. You may also want to look at clinical trials. Use this forum as a resource, a place to vent. This online community has really been a great resouce for me. My prayers to you and your mom. Take care.

RE: My Mother is dying of breast cancer. I am so afraid.

by julianna on Tue Jun 08, 2010 02:32 AM

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Try Photo-Dynamic Therapy for breast cancer. My friend had breast cancer six years ago, and she went with this treatment and it was very secsesful.

RE: My Mother is dying of breast cancer. I am so afraid.

by MEEMERZ on Tue Jun 08, 2010 03:20 AM

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Please try to stay positive.  I know how very difficult that is; however, the Lord is in control.  HE doesn't make mistakes - you have to believe - Pray!  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.    Never give up!!

Cheryl   OKC

RE: My Mother is dying of breast cancer. I am so afraid.

by Valentine6 on Wed Jun 16, 2010 04:59 AM

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Louise,

I know that fear all too well.  My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer last June.  Today we found out that the tumor that was "insignificant" in March has now nearly doubled in size.

The best advice I can give?  The mere fact that your mom and my mom are never dying of cancer -- they are LIVING with it.  Each day is a gift.  Remember that.  And when you do, you won't surrender your life to the fear of what cancer might do.

God bless you and your mom :)

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