Hi. I signed up to be a member of this message board just so I could reply to your message. :)
My husband (now 34) was diagnosed with PC in 2001 and had a Whipple. Usually, PC is adenocarcinoma. His was a neuroendocrine cancer, which is different. His was a slow growing kind, and while it had spread to two of his lymph nodes, the doctors felt chemo or radiation wasn't warranted because of the slow growth. They felt there was a good chance that it hadn't spread any further than that. We found out in January that it has come back, and it has changed characteristics into a more agressive type of neuroendocrine cancer (the actual diagnosis is "poorly differentiated carcinoma with neuroendocrine features"). He finished his first chemo treatment (Carboplatin & Etoposide) last week. The plan is to have 3 tx's then do a scan to see if it's working.
As for your fears about the Whipple-- I'm sure you've read up on it. It's a serious surgery. But my husband did very well with it. His surgery lasted about 7 1/2 hours. He was in the hospital about a week afterwards. His biggest complaint after the surgery was the tube they had through his nose to keep his stomach drained. He had some pain afterwards, but they put in an epidural for pain control and it was very effective. He came home on Percocet, which did well for the pain, and he couldn't lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk for a long while. We had a newborn baby at the time, so that was a difficult time. But he recovered well and doesn't have to even take pancreatic enzymes. He's not on any medication at all as a result of that surgery. Occasionally, if he eats a high fat meal (usually a pizza w/ lots of cheese) his stool will be kinda green, and he might have diarrhea. But that's the only result from the surgery. Other foods give him diarrhea occasionally, but not enough to take meds for it.
And as for you wanting to hear from survivors, we are considering my husband to be a survivor in advance. :) Does that count? His oncologist told him that there was nothing that could be done, and didn't even want to do chemo. We then went to MD Anderson (in Houston). There we were told that he should have chemo, but he is beyond curing. We came back home (to TN) and found a new doctor who has given us some hope. He told us that he has seen younger, healthy men, such as my husband, "do very well with treatment, and occasionally even beat this". And that's what we needed to hear. And he is going to be someone who beats this.
He has 3 lymph nodes enlarged with cancer cells. One of them has basically turned into a tumor and is completely wrapped around his portal vein and is compromising blood flow. The doctor said that his goal was to do the chemo and hopefully shrink the nodes/tumor into non-existence, or at least enough to be able to consider surgery or radiation, or both.
If you care for my advice on how to handle this, being the spouse, I think it's important to make sure you're educated. At least be a semi-familiar with treatment options and ask about cancer markers and stuff like that. Take notes at the doctor's office. Once I reached a point of being able to discuss PC intelligibly, I stopped the intense research because it can be discouraging. I now get my strength from reading about survivors, mostly online. And I've read a few books that deal with cancer on a more spiritual level, which has helped me a lot. I also made a Web site that keeps everyone informed about what's going on, and that has become somewhat therapeutic for me...
I wish you luck, and hope to stay updated on your husband... ~Terri