End stage before dying of Pancreatic Cancer

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Bruynfamily Bruynfamily
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End stage before dying of Pancreatic Cancer

by Bruynfamily on Mon May 24, 2010 04:46 AM

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I posted in March my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. It was too advanced so doctors gave him 2 to 3 months to live. As the days passed we kept watching for all the signs we were told that meant he was getting towards the end. They never happened. He experienced things totally different. We were told to watch for yellowing - never happened. We were told he would quit eating which didn't happen till the last few days he lived. We were told he would be tired all the time for long periods of time. He wasn't. We were told he wouldn't be able to walk - he did till almost the end. We were told he would have excruiating pain and he didn't till the last week. We were told his belly would become really hard and it didn't at all. What he did have were bad nightmares at night due to his sundowners at which time he would get almost violent then in the daytime he was fine. The last week before he died he began to get extremely agitated and argumentative. He was just starting to complain about pain in his back. He was barely eating and hard to control. We called hospice who said we were over medicating him. He was like in a kind of coma but was also screaming with excrutiating pain. Hospice called an ambulance which took him to the hospital. The doctor at the hospital said he was not over medicated but that he was in end stage cancer and would not live over 24 hours. He died 12 hours later on May 15th, 2010. We didn't expect it to come that quick because we didn't see any of the signs were were told to watch for. I know everyone is different but instead of depending on "signs" watch your loved one for different signs. The last three days were terrible. Can't get past the memories. Brenda

RE: End stage before dying of Pancreatic Cancer

by BCinOntario on Mon May 24, 2010 02:10 PM

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Hi Brenda,

I am a 'Brenda' too. I am so sorry for your loss. Your Dad was blessed in a way not to have had to go through most of the typical symptoms and side effects of advanced PC. You are quite right, that everyone is different in that not all patients will have the same experience with PC. It is good to watch for all and any signs of distress and suffering.

The last days must have been very hard on you and family. Take solace in the fact that he was relatively pain free up until the very end, and is now at peace and no longer suffering. It's been a little over a year since I lost my mother to PC. Things have gotten a little easier, but I still miss her very much and still experience moments of deep sorrow. This is normal and natural, and just part of my grief journey.

Take the time that you need to experience and express your grief. There is no timetable. There are some wonderful books that have been written by hospice nurses, and experts on the subject of death and dying, grief and grieving.

Final Gifts : http://www.maggiecallanan.com/finalgifts.htm

On Death and Dying : http://www.ekrfoundation.org/

On Grief and Grieving : http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Grieving-Finding-Meaning-Through

You may find these books comforting and helpful in the days ahead. Wishing you peace, and strength at this time. Take care.

RE: End stage before dying of Pancreatic Cancer

by helgoland on Tue Jun 01, 2010 08:28 PM

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Brenda, I am very sorry for your loss and for the pain that will control your life for the next while.  Losing a loved one in any way is a heartwrenching experience.  Watching them suffer leaves a scar; both in your memory and in your heart.   Much of what you wrote about your father also pertained for my mother.   On her FINAL day with our family (at home; no hospice), she actually looked physically better and she said she wasn't feeling bad at all.  She was walking around the house; eating small amounts of food and visiting.   In the later afternoon, she began to tire and she also began to vomit small amounts.   She had no pain but took her Tylenol 1 every 6 hours as a preventative.   We were planning on taking her to the hospital the next morning if she was still feeling "flu-like".  (this is what we thought she had...)  When I went to get the bed ready for her in the evening and returned to her favourite chair about a minute later; my beautiful mother had passed away.   Our family was shocked and in disbelief.   We also had been told of  end of life 'signs.'    This was over a year ago.  I still grieve for my mom every single day.  I miss her very much.  And yet, I now see that both my mom and our family was 'blessed' by her quick painless passing.   It could have been worse; much much worse.   We will never forget our loved ones, Brenda.   They are a part of who we are.   In time, I pray the more painful memories will lessen and you will rejoice that you had such a loving and caring father.  I know I feel blessed that my mom and I were best friends; and she always will be.  Peace to you.

RE: End stage before dying of Pancreatic Cancer

by mebenz31 on Fri Jun 04, 2010 01:19 AM

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Hi,

       i am so sorry that your dad and your family had to go thru that awful experience. Your dad was very blessed to have not experienced the ill effects of pc. My dad also did not have many of those symptoms but somehow pc always rears it ugly head in the end. My dad died in nov 09 and though i miss him very much i am glad he is free of cancer and is home with his lord jesus. Some fine day we will reunite he is not gone forever, he was just promoted ........                      

 

RE: End stage before dying of Pancreatic Cancer

by Oudave83 on Fri Jun 04, 2010 01:27 AM

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On Jun 04, 2010 1:19 AM mebenz31 wrote:

HI,

       I AM SO SORRY THAT YOUR DAD AND YOUR FAMILY HAD TO GO THRU THAT AWFUL EXPERIENCE. YOUR DAD WAS VERY BLESSED TO HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THE ILL EFFECTS OF PC. MY DAD ALSO DID NOT HAVE MANY OF THOSE SYMPTOMS BUT SOMEHOW PC ALWAYS REARS IT UGLY HEAD IN THE END. MY DAD DIED IN NOV 09 AND THOUGH I MISS HIM VERY MUCH I AM GLAD HE IS FREE OF CANCER AND IS HOME WITH HIS LORD JESUS. SOME FINE DAY WE WILL REUNITE HE IS NOT GONE FOREVER, HE WAS JUST PROMOTED ........                      

Beautiful post-how could I add????....My prayers are with your Dad and family all during these most difficult of times....please let me know if I can ever help...Dave

RE: End stage before dying of Pancreatic Cancer

by Sheesh1960 on Wed Jun 09, 2010 10:19 AM

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On May 24, 2010 4:46 AM Bruynfamily wrote:

I posted in March my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. It was too advanced so doctors gave him 2 to 3 months to live. As the days passed we kept watching for all the signs we were told that meant he was getting towards the end. They never happened. He experienced things totally different. We were told to watch for yellowing - never happened. We were told he would quit eating which didn't happen till the last few days he lived. We were told he would be tired all the time for long periods of time. He wasn't. We were told he wouldn't be able to walk - he did till almost the end. We were told he would have excruiating pain and he didn't till the last week. We were told his belly would become really hard and it didn't at all. What he did have were bad nightmares at night due to his sundowners at which time he would get almost violent then in the daytime he was fine. The last week before he died he began to get extremely agitated and argumentative. He was just starting to complain about pain in his back. He was barely eating and hard to control. We called hospice who said we were over medicating him. He was like in a kind of coma but was also screaming with excrutiating pain. Hospice called an ambulance which took him to the hospital. The doctor at the hospital said he was not over medicated but that he was in end stage cancer and would not live over 24 hours. He died 12 hours later on May 15th, 2010. We didn't expect it to come that quick because we didn't see any of the signs were were told to watch for. I know everyone is different but instead of depending on "signs" watch your loved one for different signs. The last three days were terrible. Can't get past the memories. Brenda

Hi

I am so sorry for your loss. My Mother died nearly 2 years ago of the same cancer only we didn't know she had it untill the last week of her life. She went yellow at first then her kidneys failed and developed an uncontrollable itchy skin. She passed away in my arms in her sleep, I miss her dearly as she was not just a mother to me she was my best friend and a second mother to my children as she lived with me for 16 years. I don't think I will ever get over her death as you think you will always have your parents there to talk to. I still cry nearly everyday I miss her so much. My thoughts are with you at this sad time take care

Cherie

RE: End stage before dying of Pancreatic Cancer

by danshan on Thu Aug 11, 2011 10:53 PM

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Hi all, i feel all your pain my mam was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on the 5th may this year we were horrified to discover mam also had it in the liver and the lungs. No signs or symptoms just routine blood test. My mam from she was diagnosed  had no energy and slept a lot of the time was in good spirits and pain free untill she woke up one morning 10 weeks later and was very confused and agitated within hours mam went down hill we called on the pallative team for help. Mam died on the 28th july 2011 which was 11 weeks and 6 days from she was diagnosed. I am heartbroken and miss my mam so so much it really hurts. I just can not believe my mam has passed away and is no longer here i can not seem to get throu a day without crying and asking "why my mam" i dont think the pain will ever go away i am so lonely without her and looking at my dad a broken man is just so hard to deal with . What more can i say i am such a broken woman .

Debbie x

 

RE: End stage before dying of Pancreatic Cancer

by sleeplessinsact on Mon Aug 15, 2011 11:19 PM

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Oh my I am so sorry for what you went through.  My heart breaks for you.  I am fearful of what is ahead in our family's journey with my sister's stage IV cancer.  I can't seem to find the right words to say to her.  It seems so unfair that this is happening, and so quickly! 

M

RE: End stage before dying of Pancreatic Cancer

by tomco727 on Mon Aug 15, 2011 11:52 PM

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Sorry for the loss of your father our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family   Tom/Linda

RE: End stage before dying of Pancreatic Cancer

by squand on Wed Aug 17, 2011 01:44 PM

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I don't think anyone can be sure of someone dying except that person.It is difficult for me to read about the last days when you are a pc patient.Put yourself in our position would you like to know step by step how you are going die-I really dont think anyone would.So I hope you can see my point.I have had my father,mother and sister go by cancer,and was there with them all and never once ask how we will know.Just felt honored to be there with them when I could.

I am very sorry for your loss

take care

Rick

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