Anybody Have Information On What To Expect

My mother-in-law was diagnosed Nov 11 with Stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer. I have been the primary caregiver since that time. (I had an Aunt pass in May of 2005 of lung cancer so I am a little knowledgeable about lung cancer). My mother-in-laws cancer has spread to various other parts (thoracic & lumbar spine, liver, frontal lobes of head, pelvic region, etc). She was undergoing radiation for her spine & pelvic areas due to complications. We were to start chemo afterwards. Unfortunateky the cancer has gotten the best of her...the tumors in her liver have grown tremendously. She has now become so weak the most she is able to do is stand and pivot, her appetite is poor but she is still getting some fluids down, she has jaundice & her legs are swollen to twice their size, she is developing lil blisters on her legs (where the fluid is trying to escape due to the liver non-function). I am wondering what to expect. I know that eventually she will lose coherency. I am trying to prepare myself for the new symptoms which will occur. We have now called hospice in and they stopped by on Monday (aid & RN). But it is really difficult to get information, especially beings my mother-in-law is still really in a state of denial. Any expectaions or information anyone can give would be greatly appreciated as our time is limited at this point.
Thanks to all who are on this discussion thread,
Sheila

H hold
O onto
P positive
E energy

I don't know much about lung cancer but my husband died of bile duct cancer in November, 2005. His legs filled up with fluid the few weeks before he died. The fluid gradually moved up his body so it made it harder for him to move (although he still tried to walk everyday). Eventually the fluid moved to his lungs and he died peacefully. He died on Tuesday and was totally coherent through Friday. He started to have some periods of confusion and talking about nothing starting Friday night and going into Saturday and Sunday. Most of Sunday he was just talking and talking about anything that was in his head and wasn't really able to communicate with us. He was pretty agitated throughout the weekend too and wasn't sleeping. On Monday they finally found a medicine to calm him down and he started to sleep more. The last coherent thing he said was Monday afternoon when he said he loved me, which was wonderful. He slept throughout the night and died Tuesday morning after his breath became more and more labored. He tried to say something right before he died, took a couple of last breaths and went. That may have been more info than you needed but it might give you some indication of how one's life can end when their lungs fill up with fluid and give out. There is a really good book by two Hospice nurses (I think it is called something like Death and Dying) that helped me prepare for what the end might be like and gave some ideas for talking and listening to the loved one throughout their delirium. I wish you all the best.

I don't know much about lung cancer but my husband died of bile duct cancer in November, 2005. His legs filled up with fluid the few weeks before he died. The fluid gradually moved up his body so it made it harder for him to move (although he still tried to walk everyday). Eventually the fluid moved to his lungs and he died peacefully. He died on Tuesday and was totally coherent through Friday. He started to have some periods of confusion and talking about nothing starting Friday night and going into Saturday and Sunday. Most of Sunday he was just talking and talking about anything that was in his head and wasn't really able to communicate with us. He was pretty agitated throughout the weekend too and wasn't sleeping. On Monday they finally found a medicine to calm him down and he started to sleep more. The last coherent thing he said was Monday afternoon when he said he loved me, which was wonderful. He slept throughout the night and died Tuesday morning after his breath became more and more labored. He tried to say something right before he died, took a couple of last breaths and went. That may have been more info than you needed but it might give you some indication of how one's life can end when their lungs fill up with fluid and give out. There is a really good book by two Hospice nurses (I think it is called something like Death and Dying) that helped me prepare for what the end might be like and gave some ideas for talking and listening to the loved one throughout their delirium. I wish you all the best.

I know there is an age difference here and that the primary cancer you are dealing with is different than what we were up against, but the symptoms of swollen legs and only being able to pivot sound so familiar. My 23 year old daughter passed away November 8th carcenoma of an unknown primary...its very difficult to write about, but I felt the need to try and help somehow..it ended up in her liver and eventually moved to her kidneys, bones and skin...she became very swollen in her legs and feet as well as her abdomen. They would have to tap her abdomen area to remove the fluid...the first time they removed 16 litres which brought her some comfort..each time they did it, the amounts became less. Hospice helped us as well, but there is just so much that anyone can do....Amanda, right til the end, fought this terrible battle and we fought it with her...denial is an ok place to be at certain times...we all need hope..she remained alert off and on and would let us know she was aware of what was going on around her even with the pain medicine she was on...the doctors told me I should stop feeding her because I was just prolonging her death, how can a mother not nurture her child, when no one else is doing anything.. but her strength and positiveness gave us all a hero. There is nothing scarier than to watch someone we love deterioate and..but even sadder to give up. Her body just started to surrender and you will be able to see all the Oh My God signs as you go through each day...if you have any questions about anything..call Hospice..thats why they are there...If she is in pain..get her help don't take no for an answer...get the help you need as you need it. I was in denial pretty much until the day my daughter passed..but I never gave up hope and neither did she...she lost all co-ordination..severe spasms in her hands, arms and legs...partly due to the drugs they say...her eyesight was blurry..due to the drugs they say..I don't know if I have helped any, I may have missed some points..with liver and kidney malfunction I have come to learn that it is just a matter of time. my poor daughter had water retention gain that was scarey...when diagnosed with cancer she weighed about 140 healthy pounds she was a part time cop and always took care of herself..she dropped down to 108 at one point and when her body became swollen. she weighed at 154..which was all fluid because it had no where to go. I hope that somehow my story will help you. I admire you for your stength..to deal with two close relatives with cancer must be devastating..I pray that God will give you and your family the strength you need to be strong..its so sad that our loved ones that are struck with this horrible disease have to suffer so violently..My prayers are with you...

I know there is an age difference here and that the primary cancer you are dealing with is different than what we were up against, but the symptoms of swollen legs and only being able to pivot sound so familiar. My 23 year old daughter passed away November 8th carcenoma of an unknown primary...its very difficult to write about, but I felt the need to try and help somehow..it ended up in her liver and eventually moved to her kidneys, bones and skin...she became very swollen in her legs and feet as well as her abdomen. They would have to tap her abdomen area to remove the fluid...the first time they removed 16 litres which brought her some comfort..each time they did it, the amounts became less. Hospice helped us as well, but there is just so much that anyone can do....Amanda, right til the end, fought this terrible battle and we fought it with her...denial is an ok place to be at certain times...we all need hope..she remained alert off and on and would let us know she was aware of what was going on around her even with the pain medicine she was on...the doctors told me I should stop feeding her because I was just prolonging her death, how can a mother not nurture her child, when no one else is doing anything.. but her strength and positiveness gave us all a hero. There is nothing scarier than to watch someone we love deterioate and..but even sadder to give up. Her body just started to surrender and you will be able to see all the Oh My God signs as you go through each day...if you have any questions about anything..call Hospice..thats why they are there...If she is in pain..get her help don't take no for an answer...get the help you need as you need it. I was in denial pretty much until the day my daughter passed..but I never gave up hope and neither did she...she lost all co-ordination..severe spasms in her hands, arms and legs...partly due to the drugs they say...her eyesight was blurry..due to the drugs they say..I don't know if I have helped any, I may have missed some points..with liver and kidney malfunction I have come to learn that it is just a matter of time. my poor daughter had water retention gain that was scarey...when diagnosed with cancer she weighed about 140 healthy pounds she was a part time cop and always took care of herself..she dropped down to 108 at one point and when her body became swollen. she weighed at 154..which was all fluid because it had no where to go. I hope that somehow my story will help you. I admire you for your stength..to deal with two close relatives with cancer must be devastating..I pray that God will give you and your family the strength you need to be strong..its so sad that our loved ones that are struck with this horrible disease have to suffer so violently..My prayers are with you...

I have read many messages and wanted to reply several times, but never have. This time it's like, for some unknown reason, I cant't
NOT REPLY. My mother died a horrible death with pancreatic cancer in 1975. (Unfortunately things havent't changed much with this horrendous cancer in all these years.).
My experience with cancer throught the years, with many cases in mine and my husband's families' cancers as well as friend's cancers, is that there are some situations in which barring a miracle from God, there is not much that can be done, especially when the primary has spread. The most imporatant thing that can be done in this situation is to do all you can to make sure the cancer patient is saved and is on his way to heaven when death does occur. Earthly things you can do to help the loved one are just that - earthly. This is THE ONLY THING you can do for the patient that is ETERNAL. If you are not familiar with salvation yourself and do not know how to lead another, find a pastor or ask Hospice to lead you to one.
I repeat - This is the only thing you can do to affect the life of your loved one and yourself that will endure through all eternity. I know you and everyone else who has a loved one with cancer is concerned with the RIGHT NOW. PLEASE don't neglect FOREVER!

mena hi,i loved your note,that IS THE MOST MEANFUL THING,it means so much to the patient to have that PEACE,it takes so much fear away it's like my sister said, it feels like i've had the weight of the world taken off my back,this is an area that is really hard to approach when you have someone that's really ill and it seems like if you bring this subject up then you're giving up but that's so far from the truth, i'm sure if my sister hadn't been saved she would have died long ago,i hope your message stays on here for a very long time, this is the message people really needs to hea
r, it brings peace, thank you for doing it,sincerely
annieo