My Mom Was Unexpectedly Found To Have Terminal Lung Cancer

My mom was found to have non-small cell lung cancer two weeks ago. Two days after that on CT scan she was found to have 5 brain mets as well as adrenal mets. On bronchoscopy they found another tumor in her bronchus. They are now doing whole brain radiation as palliation to give her more time to live. They would like her to do chemo but have told us the chemo may prolong her life for only one month. I want my mom to make her decision but also know she would be ill the rest of her time if she opts for chemo as well. Did they tell any of you, too, that you or your family member only had a short time left to live and that everything they did from here on out was simply for palliation? What makes my mom's cancer so different (terminal) from others? I have so many questions for the doctors and all they ever tell me is it doesn't matter at this point such as when I ask if it is in the lymphs or perphaps her sternum from her chest soreness. They tell me it is likely but the treatment or the outcome isn't going to be any different by knowing the answers to these questions. I feel I am quite educated but yet every answer they give me is so elementary so if anyone else out there has more answers for me, I would really appreciate it. Thanks to you all and God bless, Rhonda

My mom was diag, 4 months ago with glioblastoma multiforme they sort of said 6mons-2years.We are doing alot of holistic stuff as well as craniotomy whole brain rad.and chemo.The radiation took the most out of her.She lost all her hair ,was weak and seems tohave damaged her memory somewhat.i dont really understand why they are not trying surgery on your mom i guess they feel it has spread to far.Mayo clinic has areferral program for second opinions,What state are you in.How is your mom feeling?I went thru lung cacer with my dad at57 they didnt do much for him at all.We flew him to holistic hospital in mexico,it bought us some quality time together ,but it didnt save him.its a terrible dilemma and you can get so wrapped up in fighting the disease that you miss the moment.any how just know your not alone,enjoy each moment and pray for amiracle Susan

Thank you, Susan, for your response. My mom feels okay. She is quite confused most of the time. She is a bar owner and has always done all of the book work. I don't know how she was able to keep up before we found the disease three weeks ago. It takes her all afternoon to do a simple deposit, and she gets so frustrated with herself. I am there to guide her and take over when she cannot do it anymore but it is so difficult to see her struggle. Other than that the radiation makes her a little tired. She also has pain in her chest that started by her left breast and now has moved to her right breast. That concerns me. I asked her doctor if it could perhaps be bone mets. He told me, again, at this point it doesn't matter because it isn't going to change their treatment plan. I would still like to know because that tells me it is spreading even quicker than what we thought and how much time then does it give her?

What kind of lung cancer did your dad have? And where did it spread? How long did he live once he found out? Another thing I found on her CT scan was it stated that there were several small tumors adjacent to the 3 cm tumor they found in her right occipital lobe. Were these several smaller tumors the other four they mentioned scattered throughout her brain or are there several more around the large one. They only ever told us mom had more than two. Sometimes honesty goes a long way in helping the family too as we then don't have to question everything. Sometimes I feel almost as frustrated as my mother!

Thanks again! Looking forward to hearing from you or anyone else out there to shed some light. God Bless, Rhonda

Its hard to remember with my dad.It was about 17 years ago now.I would guess about ayear.But they didnt offer my dad any treatment they said it was to late,and in canada we cant just go pay for treatment its all in the hand of the province,socialized medicine has its disadvantages.You may have to get a little more agressive with your doc.Who do they think they are,this is your mother and you want answers as would they if it were their mother.they told me the same when i asked how much my moms tumor had decreased(it doesnt matter]I simply said it matters to me and i need to know.Its all about money to them.Is your mom on steroids was she a smoker?Is she living with you.im so sorry this horrible disease exists they say 1in3 will get cancer it scares me so much since i have it on both sides.what is happening to this world and how do we stop it.Susan

Thanks again, Susan. Yes, they put her on steroids immediately following the CT scan. Her neck pain, dizziness and vomiting started subsiding almost immediately with little if any of the symptoms now. Yes, she is STILL a smoker. She asked about it. They told her if she got enjoyment out of smoking to continue as with how far her disease has progressed it wouldn't matter (AGAIN) at this point for her to quit. Why do you ask about the steroids? The doctor we saw today gave us a bit of hope as in my questioning him about her brain tumors. I asked if they were scanning to see if they were shrinking or disappearing to maybe change from WBR to radiating specific tumors. He said three weeks after WBR they would scan to see what the WBR did. If it made a significant difference but still a couple remained that they could then maybe radiate the lesions that were left. That is hope as the other doctor told me "no, this is her only chance at radiation--even if they grow back."

She also told him she didn't want to do chemo as she does not want to be sick the rest of her time to prolong her life maybe one month. He told her not to rule it out as if she responds well to WBR then the rest of her cancer may also respond to some chemo, not to cure obviously, but to prolong her life a little longer. What do you think?

Thanks for always sharing. God Bless, Rhonda

I was pleasantly surprised how easy the chemo has been for my mom.easy for me to say iguess.Some chemo is much harder on you.She is on temolozide for brain tumor can extend life at least 2 years sometimes more.What chemo would they put your mom on.its ahard decision quality vs quantity.but its so hard to just give up.my girlfriend was diag. with level5 melanoma,she was given6-9 months and 3years later she is litterly cancer free.Her chemo was terrible she almost gave up but she hung in there and so far the payoff has been great.Your lucky if your mom is clear thinking enough to make her own decisions my moms reasoning isnt so great.Thats the area the tumor is in.So ihave to make all the decisions for her.Hopefully I am doing whats best for her not me. Bye for now Susan

So sorry to hear about your mother--my father had brain cancer only so I can't say anything about the lungs.. but we had similar experiences with his doctors --first with the surgeon and then with his oncologist. first we thought there was only one tumor --then literally about 15 min before the first surgery the doc came in with students and told my father that there where more than 3 and that they were likely coming from elsewhere in the body and then he left. He was later provven wrong. All questions we had post surgery and about the patology report where answered minimally and as if we didn't need to know and it wouldn't change anything. Same with the oncologist. The results would be quickly read over the phone with no info on quanitiative measurement of growth or progress. So in both instances I contacted the Patient Advocates office of the hopsital --told them my situation and and that I was not getting the answers I needed and explained when the surgeon and onc took 3 days to call me back. Those docs called me back the same day and gave me all the information I needed. Patients Advocates office followed up with me afterwards to make sure I was satisfied. Check it out. They may or may not be able to change the situation with your mom but at all times they should be treating you and your mom with respect and thoughtfulness.

My 2 cents are to take all the time you can with her and relish every moment. It is good to know what is going on on the cellular level.. ..no matter what information they tell you about where it is and is moving this still will not give you a finite timeline.. none of us have one..This was the frustrating thing with my father too--I really wanted to KNOW a time I know this might sound out there but there are two kinds of knowing the factual kind and the intuitive kind...everyone responds differntly to things so try to keep your hopes up and stay in your heart and your intuition and keep listening and loving her -you will see and feel how she is doing.. and take it from there

be well you are in my prayers
christine

Thank you both so much for filling in for me and for your encouraging words. It means so much to have honesty out there with people who know what we are going through. I do intend to enjoy my mom as much as possible. She is disappointed in me right now for something she thinks I did. I know she is confused and tried explaining it to her the way it happened but think I confused her even more. I would never do anything to hurt my mother, not now or ever, and what she thinks would be disappointing to anyone. She wants to sweep it under the rug and forget about it. I am thinking I should do her a favor and do just that instead of confusing her more with the details. It hurts me to have my mom disappointed in me but also am trying to bear in mind that she is ill and perhaps on her way to heaven or in heaven she will realise how it actually was and know that I am okay about it just knowing that she then will realise what it actually was. I hope I am making sense.

Christine, how long did your father live with his brain cancer? (I know this is again a time thing but am just wondering). I believe I saw some of your notes elsewhere on a message board, and your dad passed away correct? Was it his brain tumor/tumors that took his life? Even though my mom has lung cancer brain, bronchial, and adrenal mets, they believe it will still be the brain mets that takes her life. We are still trying to soak it all in. We did ask for the pathology report and all it gave us was the poorly differentiated adenocarcinoma of the lung. I am not sure if they have or do classify tumors in the brain once it has metastasised.

Thanks again. You Be Well as well, Rhonda

I just wanted to let the two of you know that I am going to be with my mom again this week. She has no internet connection but please respond. I should be back in a little over a week if all goes well. My kids are already begging me not to go but do understand when I tell them Grandma is sick. I miss them terribly when I am gone. They have so much going on right now (basketball, softball, volleyball, gymnastics, etc). I have a 17, 12, 5 and 3-year-old at home with me. The two older ones step in and try to fill my shoes as much as possible while I am away. If they get nothing else out of this, I hope I am teaching all of them valuable life lessons.

My husband on the other hand (God help us), I don't know what to think. He is being so unsupportive.

God Bless, Rhonda

I have 4 kids as well 1yr to 1o yrs.My mom is now living witk us so its alot less running and she seem in no hurry to go home.I like having her but i am getting run down.my husband is working out of town for ayear so im asingle mom for now.My brother however sound like your husband he thinks he has helped if he runs my mom to one appnt a week.I guess its a guy thing.Enjoy your visit.Where is your mom Is she still at home? Talk to you soon. Susan