What now?

Have a couple of questions for those of u who've already walked my path.

How do I get my body back on a normal sleep schedule now that my precious husband is gone? I've been catching zzzzz's when I can 4 almost a year now and I can't sleep 4 more than an hour or so at a time. How do I train my body 2 sleep again? I know it's only been a week so I'm sure part of it is grief, but any suggestions wud be great.

Also, what r some things those of u who've already been down this path did 2 fill ur days after ur luvd ones passed? I've took care of him 24/7 and I feel completely lost w/o him here! I really don't know what 2 do now. I miss him so much.

Nita

On Oct 09, 2010 3:55 AM gothisback wrote:

Have a couple of questions for those of u who've already walked my path.

How do I get my body back on a normal sleep schedule now that my precious husband is gone? I've been catching zzzzz's when I can 4 almost a year now and I can't sleep 4 more than an hour or so at a time. How do I train my body 2 sleep again? I know it's only been a week so I'm sure part of it is grief, but any suggestions wud be great.

Also, what r some things those of u who've already been down this path did 2 fill ur days after ur luvd ones passed? I've took care of him 24/7 and I feel completely lost w/o him here! I really don't know what 2 do now. I miss him so much.

Nita

Nite - sending you BIG HUGS!

First the sleep - go to your doctor - they can give you something to sleep like Lunesta or valium. You can also take 5mg Melatonin. The one I buy is from walgreen, it's shaped like an egg & is quick dissolve. Tylenol PM is good; my daughter likes Unisom. The Melatonin may take a week to kick in. I usually take that; if it hasn't kicked in in an hour, then take 1 Tylenol PM.

What do you do with your days? That's tough. I felt so lost when my dad passed. I was seeing him & talking to him every day then it stopped. Gardening helps; finding house projects. My mother in law joined a group for people that have lost someone. You can also think about volunteering - whether it's with hospice or seeing if your cancer center has a buddy program.

You will get through this. It will be the hardest thing you did; especially holidays. At 1st Monday's were hard for me because that's the day my dad passed. TV shows may bring on a crying episode as well as songs. Try to find comfort in things that remind you of him.

~Hugs

Hi Nita:

The sleep...doing things to tire you out helps.  A long walk, working out on a bike, some serious gardening.  If that fails, I find a good single malt scotch (a generous dollop) over ice and a very boring book (think "War and Peace" while cuddled under the blankets can help.  Leave the TV off...it is just a distractor that keeps you awake.

Your other question...it does eventually get easier, but being an honest sort here, the first year is the hardest.  Every first is poignant, bittersweet, and yes filled with tears.  I can still remember that first year after my mother passed.  Some 17 years later, the first part of May is just to much for me to deal with (her birthday, death day and mothers day all fall within one week).  The first (name your event...Easter, 4th of July, Christmas) of everything without your loved one is very hard to get through. 

Be easy on yourself, try not to be alone on BIG important days...

Sorry for your loss....God's Speed in finding some healing and peace.

Daddy Pops

{{{HUGS}}} Daddy Pops! My kids called their step dad Pops! Way cool!

TY sooo much 4 the insight!! I'm gonna take it all 2 heart. I'm beginning 2 sleep a lil longer at nites. NICE! I'm up 2 about 4 hours now. I think I'll be sleeping all nite b4 long.

Going 2 spend the holidays with my kids and grandkids this "first." That will help some I hope. My lil girl & I r also going 2 Phoenix 2 see the friends we made during our time at the Cancer Treatment Center. I know it'll be bitter sweet, but important 4 our healing.

Thanx again!

Nita

Hi Nita:

Blushing at the bold compliment...Daddy Pops is a self claimed Nick Name for me...not sure why, but for some reason most kids gravitate toward me (perhaps because in some ways I have always and will always be a big kid).  It's a good name for an old hippie who in his too fast approaching senior years is starting to fade from looking like a long blond haired hippie into a slightly heavier looking Santa Claus...who know, maybe that will be my last career if I continue gaining weight because of a fondness for good food and wine.

Take care of you, and take care of your kids and grandkids as the greatest legacy a person could ever leave behind...I am sure he would want it that way.  Be happy and be there for them, and I am sure you will put a smile on his face as he watches down from heaven.

God's Speed

Daddy Pops