To All Caregivers

By now, hopefully everyone has eaten their Thanksgiving feast.  This is my first Thanksgiving without my husband whom passed August 17, 2010.  This morning upon waking, I teared up while getting out of the bed.  I started thinking about how hard last years Thanksgiving was trying to prepare for a ill husband that was unable to chew & swollow anything much less turkey & ham.  Well I pulverised everything & made it as close to liquid state as possible so he wouldn't be left out.  I prayed to God this morning thanking him for making the love of my life pain free & whole again in heaven & I could just imagine (if they eat in Heaven) how much he would enjoy his Thanksgiving Day Feast.  Then I cried a little more, got dressed & drove to our son & daughter-in-laws house & watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade with my 1 1/2 & 8 year old grandchildren while their mom & dad cooked our first Thanksgiving Day Feast without Poppy being with us.  It was a bitter-sweet day.  I'm sure Poppy was looking down upon us from Haven.  Those little smiles & laughts were a site to behold.

May God be with each of you & your families.

Broken

I'm glad you weren't alone. A friend of mine suddenly lost the love of his life (heart) & he was going to stay home alone- I hope I talked some sense into him. If I was still across the street he would have been at our house.

I know it was a sad day for you & others experiencing their 1st.

~Hugs

I so hope you & your family also enjoyed Thanksgiving. 

The grandson has been staying with me until Sunday evening.  I ventured into the attic today & pulled down the Christmas Tree & he & I have just about finished decorating it.  I guess I'll probably have some moments during Christmas, but overall, I think I'm beginning to accept what will be now.  The love of my life is in a better place.  Totally free of pain & suffering and for that I am Thankful to God.  But I still miss the heck out of him & his beautiful smile.

I will continue to draw strength from God, my family and you great people on CancerCompass. 

Broken

I'm so sorry for your loss.  But happy with you that he no longer suffers.  My Dad seems to be entering the final phase of his fight with lung cancer.  The disease seems to be getting the upper hand now.  I am devastated.  I can't imagine my world without him in it.  When you say you miss your husband's smile, it makes me cry.  Because I know already how much I miss my Dad's smile.  Even though he is still here, his spirit is somehow broken now, and I don't see his smile anymore.  I can see it in my mind.  And it makes me very sad that he is so depressed and lost now that he isn't smiling anymore.  Next Thanksgiving I think I will be experiencing what you did this year.  Life is so beautiful that when it ends, the sadness is so very deep and profound.  It is the way of our lives here.  God Bless you!  Thank you for your post.  It gave me some comfort.

I am there with you, this thanksgiving was the 1st without my mom.. I was her sole caregiver, she was my best friend and my rock... she passed away Oct 17th of this year... but I made the best I could of.. I had dinner with my frineds (I should say family)... I totally agree... our loved ones are better off.. they are pain free.. looking down at us and enjoying what they see us doing down here...

Suzian,

My heart just breaks for you & your dad.  That final phase is really hard for the caregiver to witness.  My brain now has the deepest scars of watching my love suffer & his ultimate death.  This will never go away but I'm hoping in time, I will be able to deal with it a little better.  The most important task of my life has just been completed & I feel where & what do I do now Lord!!!! 

My family chain is broken and nothing seems the same, but as God calls us one-by-one, that chain will link again.

God bless you & your dad. 

Broken

On Nov 27, 2010 11:52 PM Broken wrote:

I so hope you & your family also enjoyed Thanksgiving. 

The grandson has been staying with me until Sunday evening.  I ventured into the attic today & pulled down the Christmas Tree & he & I have just about finished decorating it.  I guess I'll probably have some moments during Christmas, but overall, I think I'm beginning to accept what will be now.  The love of my life is in a better place.  Totally free of pain & suffering and for that I am Thankful to God.  But I still miss the heck out of him & his beautiful smile.

I will continue to draw strength from God, my family and you great people on CancerCompass. 

Broken

You're going to go back & forth- good days & bad. Hopefully it will get easier. My MIL still has a hard time; it will be 5 years in March. I think it helps to know someone understands- she hasn't had that. We spent a lot of time talking when she was here in August; and while I did not lose my hub; I lost my dad- hub is 11 months out- she saw that I did understand. I found her a few message board links- hopefully if anything she reads. I know it's hard on her losing her hub suddenly to brain cancer then being diagnosed with breast & now her oldest son. She's been hit pretty hard.

What I drew strength from was a blog for a 5 year old girl with brain cancer- she's going to be 7 next month. No matter how bad things got; I was thankful we were dealing with adults & not kids. Reading her moms words ripped my heart out.. that is strength.

So dear lady; try to remember that things could be worst & that for what you or I are going through; there is someone that has it worst. I hope you can gain strength from that. Your pain is still so fresh; the images etched in your mind also fresh. Hopefully they will fade with time.

~Hugs