How to verify if someone has Cancer or just lying?

17 Posts | Page(s): 1 2  Next 

How to verify if someone has Cancer or just lying?

by paulamead on Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:47 PM

Quote | Reply

OK, I know all about the Hippa law, so this is why I have this question.....

My twin brother was supposed to have had stage IV kidney cancer in 1997. This came at the time my husband and our children moved out of state (giving you insight.) My brother was apparently getting Chemo etc...and was at some point in remission. But over the years it reoccured. During that time, I worked at a Cancer center and asked  him to send me his medical records, so that the doctor I worked for could give him a second opinion, but he never sent it. A few months ago, he called and said it has moved to his liver. And just now, the day before Thanksgiving, he called and said it is now in his lungs. Doctors are giving him on two - three months at the most. During all of this, he would tell us he is taking Chemo and Radiation again, but then quits. I have seen him over the years and he has no signs of cancer. He's heavy and always on the go. My family and I don't believe him, but feel that if he is telling the truth, we could not forgive ourselves, if we confront him with this...Any thoughts as to how I can approach him with this? I love my twin brother and would do anything for him, but I truly just don't believe him and I resent that he has kept up this lie for over thirteen years. And by the way, we have all asked to go with him during his Chemo/Radiation treatments, but he has refused everyone. One more thing..He can have this treatment and then go out shopping or just running around town with no signs of sickness. Please any advise welcomed. Thank you!!!!!

RE: How to verify if someone has Cancer or just lying?

by Roselvr on Sun Nov 28, 2010 01:32 PM

Quote | Reply

From what you're saying; your story reminds me of my ex. He lost his sister & her husband (not cancer) then my dad & father in law passed (cancer) all within a year. Soon after that; my daughter who was just a teen said her dad had cancer. Over the last few years; he's told her how she's getting the house & who knows what else but he won't tell her "what cancer" he has. I've seen him over the years- he never looks different. I've written him a letter years ago that it would be nice if he could talk to me so that I could get my daughter help & he ignores it. My best guess is he had polyps.. I know he had hemeroid surgery..

As far as your brother, sounds like someone needs to follow him or hang out at the center he'd be treated at. I don't know if calling a social worker there would help. It's so hard these days to get any information with the laws.

Your gut is telling you he's lying. You worked at a cancer center so you have experience with how people with different cancers look- yes, most lose weight. My dad with Leukemia; my hub with oral & my mother in law with breast.

There are different cancer sections here- kidney, lung, liver- read some posts. Hopefully someone else can give you suggestions.. I'm at a loss; but do know where you're coming from.

 

RE: How to verify if someone has Cancer or just lying?

by paulamead on Sun Nov 28, 2010 01:40 PM

Quote | Reply

TY, for taking the time early this morning to give me some feedback. The thing is, I don't really believe he is being seen/treated anywhere. 

 

Have a great Sunday!

RE: How to verify if someone has Cancer or just lying?

by Roselvr on Sun Nov 28, 2010 01:50 PM

Quote | Reply

Yeah; I got that from your post. If theres a cancer center close to him & he happens to say he's going for treatment; you can try to hang out there; or get a group of people to do shifts to watch.

From the little I've read about each; usually weight loss is the 1st sign.

You have a great Sunday too.

RE: How to verify if someone has Cancer or just lying?

by Justjules on Sun Nov 28, 2010 02:58 PM

Quote | Reply

Hey Paula -

How sad it that? To have to lie about Cancer is a cry for help and attention. At least he didn't throw himself a big fake fundraiser & embarrass your whole family! I'm fascinated actually, it's just so kooky. If he were a teenager, I'd hide the prescription drugs and the knives for fear he'd hurt himself. If it's causing you unrest, it's your woman's intuition, you have to listen to it and find out..

I'd like to think someone knows something...ask other family members and his friends what they know...in a caring way, of course...He is your twin. I'm concerned for his mental well being..I'd also send someone to see where he goes on Chemo day..whether he knows he has company or not.

And I don't know of a cancer that doesn't affect your physical appearance in some way...do you? But you won't be reassured until you get to the bottom of this!

Good Luck!

justjules

RE: How to verify if someone has Cancer or just lying?

by paulamead on Sun Nov 28, 2010 03:37 PM

Quote | Reply

On Nov 28, 2010 2:58 PM Justjules wrote:

Hey Paula -

How sad it that? To have to lie about Cancer is a cry for help and attention. At least he didn't throw himself a big fake fundraiser & embarrass your whole family! I'm fascinated actually, it's just so kooky. If he were a teenager, I'd hide the prescription drugs and the knives for fear he'd hurt himself. If it's causing you unrest, it's your woman's intuition, you have to listen to it and find out..

I'd like to think someone knows something...ask other family members and his friends what they know...in a caring way, of course...He is your twin. I'm concerned for his mental well being..I'd also send someone to see where he goes on Chemo day..whether he knows he has company or not.

And I don't know of a cancer that doesn't affect your physical appearance in some way...do you? But you won't be reassured until you get to the bottom of this!

Good Luck!

justjules

I don't believe he has cancer of any kind. What I do believe is he may have Munchausen Syndrome, but if this is the case, then how do I go about telling him this? I have done my research on this and it's a psychiatric disorder, which I'm not capable of dealing with. We live in different states and I don't know any of his friends. In truth, I also believe my mother has this as well. Could this be something that runs in families? I know this is not the message board for this topic, but I'm at loss as to how to handle this. Thank you for your thoughts and the time you took to respond. 

God Bless!

RE: How to verify if someone has Cancer or just lying?

by Aoife on Sun Nov 28, 2010 03:37 PM

Quote | Reply

He could be on steroids as part of treatment?  I know that I was on them during chemo for oesophageal cancer, there were moments when I looked "normal" whatever that is and I was a radiant bride at my wedding.  If he does not have cancer then he is mentally ill in some way as no one would lie about having cancer - the point is that he needs your support.

RE: How to verify if someone has Cancer or just lying?

by paulamead on Sun Nov 28, 2010 03:45 PM

Quote | Reply

On Nov 28, 2010 3:37 PM Aoife wrote:

He could be on steroids as part of treatment?  I know that I was on them during chemo for oesophageal cancer, there were moments when I looked "normal" whatever that is and I was a radiant bride at my wedding.  If he does not have cancer then he is mentally ill in some way as no one would lie about having cancer - the point is that he needs your support.

I never gave it much thought nor has he ever mentioned being on steroids. I know he says he takes a lot of Vicodin, but that could very well be given to him for his chest pains and the headaches he has. 

We do give him support, but he's made it clear, he doesn't want any of us there when he has his treatments and he will not provide us with any documentation, showing he has this cancer. I would like to think, since we are twins, he would at least want me to have this information, should something happen to him.  Thank you

RE: How to verify if someone has Cancer or just lying?

by Aoife on Sun Nov 28, 2010 03:46 PM

Quote | Reply

My brother was also very dismissive of me too until he spent the afternoon with me after one of the tests for cancer, he saw that I had to bring a bag and that I got sick after having part of a coffee.  He had said up to then that I was imagining things (as had my diabetic consultant).  I would be inclied to believe your brother unless proved otherwise.

RE: How to verify if someone has Cancer or just lying?

by paulamead on Sun Nov 28, 2010 04:17 PM

Quote | Reply

On Nov 28, 2010 3:46 PM Aoife wrote:

My brother was also very dismissive of me too until he spent the afternoon with me after one of the tests for cancer, he saw that I had to bring a bag and that I got sick after having part of a coffee.  He had said up to then that I was imagining things (as had my diabetic consultant).  I would be inclied to believe your brother unless proved otherwise.

Thank you!

17 Posts | Page(s): 1 2  Next 
Subscribe to this message board discussion

Latest Messages

View More

CancerCompass Survey

If you were considering traveling for cancer treatment, which headline would you find more interesting?

Get $75 for taking a research survey

We care about your feedback. Let us know how we can improve your CancerCompass experience.