Support Needed

My gram was diagnosed with glioblastoma in Sept 05 she is 70 and was given no hope. It is in her left temperal region and they said they could not surgically remove it. Given a two month prognosis my family persuaded her to try chemo and radiation which nearly killed her from bleeding ulcers. The steroids and treatment were horrible they took her away from us more than the tumor and her subsequent depression did. She is now under the care of hospice and was given two months in Dec. We could not understand what she wanted to say when she was even able to figure out how to say it. She has outlived her prognosis but her right hand is curled up and she is dependedent on my mother and family for care. All we have is the shadow of her inpending death hanging over us. The last two weeks have been wonderfully strange because she has been more like her old self able to talk to us and we can understand her, a friend of mine who was a hospice nurse told me that patient's near the end tend to do real well (rally) for awhile. I haven't been able to reach my grams hospice nurse to find out what she thinks due to my work schedule. I am sorry this is not a inspirational message but I need help from someone who has been there that can tell me what to expect. I am just beside my self over the prospect of losing my gram and my daugher's GiGi. Thank you. Cara

Hi Cara,
Sad to read about your grandma. I lost my father about 2 weeks ago to stomach cancer. Still hurting from that - and can't even describe it. He was 68. When first diagnosed this March he was given 6-9 months. But we lost him before that.

I understand 100% about the shadow of impending death. I have spent two nearly sleepless months since that diagnosis. The cancer was aggressive, and we could see him fading. We also went through this phase of not understanding my father. Towards the end he could speak but not clearly. He was forbidden even water (as his stomach couldn't handle) and perhaps that had to do with his lack of articulation.

The part about patients rallying near the end is true. At one point my father's cancer spread to his lungs and they gave him 48 hours. He managed to live for 3 more weeks. Its their willpower, and desire to live I think. He was conscious and could understand us but couldn't talk. Slowly, organs started failing and he was being sustained by medicines, ventilator etc. Then one day his pulse started fading. The pulse just faded gradually and then stopped. The end was peaceful. He had the whole family with him that time. We thought it would be scary, but it was quiet, and peaceful.

I know this must be extremely tough for you - but know that you are not alone. Be thankful for your gram's presence and make the most of your time with her. Every touch, every hug is precious. And if you believe in God, pray for guidance.

Priya.

Please accept my sympathy regarding your grandmother. I recently lost my mother-in-law to GBM on 5/13/06 at 3:13 P.M. and together with my wife, have spent nearly everyday with her since her diagnosis this past 1/17/06 and have witnessed first hand every progressive step toward death.

I did not witness a "rallying point" as you described it but rather a very silent departure from our presence. I think the homilist at her funeral Mass last Thursday described it as if she was "walking with God somewhere in the universe" most of the time and then her return to the hospice bed where she resided for nearly 7 weeks. She never spoke much but rather held my wife's hand and the finger strokes were the means by which they communicated with each other.

Morphine will be used extensively to control her pain and anti-seizure drugs will also be used to make her comfortable. When her breathing changes, such as the onset of appiatha (sp) which will last for several hours, and then follwed by another period where she will breathes approximately 40 times per minute, then know that the end is very near. She will slip from this world very quitely, but will be comfortable.

My best wishes to you and your family, and I will keep your grandma in my prayers.

Steve

just tryin to respond...me mum has fourth stage glio...and she is seventy six and im an only child. she has been fighting for almost nine months and is the best mom in the world and beautiful funny english woman that lived her life i think for me her son....she fights every moment of the day for me and dad but i feel bad cause i think it is okay if she is ready to go but no one wants to let her go....