no family

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no family

by roslyn on Sun Feb 13, 2011 01:17 PM

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I am hoping someone can give me some advice as to what they would do if you were in my position.  I currently live with my daughter and her very young family.  My husband, even though we are friends mainly because of my daughter, is around but not someone I can count on.  I am sadly alone.  I am not old, just 55 years but at the moment I feel that I don't have much to live for.  I have lung cancer and don't know how much time I have left.  I am in the beginning stage but I don't want to travel this ole road alone!!  I wanted to know if anyone was in my position would you go to a nursing home now? I actually don't have anywhere else to go.  Sadness and deep regret!

RE: no family

by Roselvr on Sun Feb 13, 2011 01:46 PM

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I agree with Dave; can you explain the family situation more? I don't understand if your husband lives with you or if he's an ex? I also don't understand the comment about being alone but have a feeling I know it all too well.

Is she in her early 30's & self centered? Do you not get along?

I know someone diagnosed with lung cancer last year that was 25 years older then you; they removed a lung & she's been fine.

RE: no family

by roslyn on Sun Feb 13, 2011 01:56 PM

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I know how pathetic I sound.  I only WISH I had your attitude especially after all you have been though.  A good friend would be wonderful, but I don't have that either.  Maybe I should not be on this site of such positivity and encouragement but like I said, I have no where else to go!  Pls bear with me, hopefully I wll begin my treatments and maybe have something encouraging.  I hope so!

RE: no family

by Roselvr on Sun Feb 13, 2011 02:10 PM

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On Feb 13, 2011 1:56 PM roslyn wrote:

I know how pathetic I sound.  I only WISH I had your attitude especially after all you have been though.  A good friend would be wonderful, but I don't have that either.  Maybe I should not be on this site of such positivity and encouragement but like I said, I have no where else to go!  Pls bear with me, hopefully I wll begin my treatments and maybe have something encouraging.  I hope so!

You don't sound pathetic. Trying to get more info so we can help. My hub has oral cancer; he has an adult son from another marriage. That son was here helping a few times but it got to the point where hub didn't want him here because of things he said. He has not been to our house in almost a year.

Everyone gets down at some point when diagnosed.. well, maybe not Dave.. but you go through different phases. Worried; sad; mad; want to fight with everything you have; don't want to fight; it's normal.

The cancer center should have a social worker; also ask if they have a buddy system; someone to help you get through.

I know someone that was pretty much alone with breast cancer. They had a son & daughter close by but felt they were putting them out.

This site is for cancer patients & caregivers to vent- good or bad so don't go.

RE: no family

by roslyn on Sun Feb 13, 2011 02:18 PM

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I am sorry, but this is something that has dragged on for over a year with me going back and forth to my doctors.  I have had chest x-rays and blood work so many times that I cannot remember them all.  But I was never diagnosed correctly until now.  I actually went to my doctor and told her what I thought my problem was and she took it from there and diagnosed me with lung cancer a few days ago. 

So I am angry right now and feeling very sorry for myself.

But to answer your questions, My daughter and her husband have 6 kids.  She is a Business Analyst and works most times 10 hrs a day, She is too busy raising her young family and I cannot burden her with this.  My husband and I are legally separated but friends, he just has his own life and I know him too well so I know he will not want to be bothered. Also I don't want my grand babies to see me suffering.

I have accepted this illness and I need this site because of the feeling of genuine caring that I feel here.  So don't think I am  crazy, I am just scared and lonely.

RE: no family

by roslyn on Sun Feb 13, 2011 05:51 PM

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You know, after posting my original comment about going to a nursing home and getting responses from you and other members, I see how that does not make a lot of sense right now.  Thanks for waking me up and making me think clearer.  I've just had a long talk with my daughter and she screamed at me when I mentioned a nursing home (she's lucky I'm not feeling well).  So, things are not as murky right now and somehow we will find a way to make our situation work.

Again, thanks so very much for your encouragement.  I am  in the process of cooking a big celebratioin for my daughter and her husband's 9th wedding anniversary. I am a great cook and I would hate to not be able to do that whenever I feel like it.

RE: no family

by eastwest on Sun Feb 13, 2011 06:45 PM

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Roslyn   How do you feel? Are you able to take care of yourself at your daughters?  Maybe sit down and talk with her about your concerns. I know when I am with my grandchildren they give me the boost I need to go on. Hugs   Irene

RE: no family

by Roselvr on Sun Feb 13, 2011 07:00 PM

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On Feb 13, 2011 6:33 PM BarbaraAnne wrote:

Hi Roslyn,

Your daughter probably would want you to continue to live with her.

What region are you from and what hospital are you going to??  I ask this because  Sue Rosvel  and many other advised me to get my Dad to Sloan.  My parents were stubborn, but finally went when my father was as the doctors described "gravely ill".  My dad almost died 2 weeks ago, was on a respirator and was on a mini- dyalysis.(He was on the respirator for 4 days and on the dyalysis, about 5 days)  He is now off the 2.(The doctors were honest and at the same time worked as a team to give him a new lease on life). 

They saved his life and discovered that the former docter from another hospital mis-diagnosed him and was giving him medications that he was allergic to.  - That was why his platlets were low and why he had gotten bloodclots.  (Check out my previous notes.)

Also, check out Wayne's previous notes/history.  He is an inspiration to us all.  One thing that I learned from Sue Rovezel  and Wayne is that you really need to go to a top Cancer treatment center, that specializes in cancer and  they treat the WHOLE body.  They these centers will give you the best care physically and emotionally.  -It is all important.  When my dad woke up his behavior was like in a psychosis state. -Doctor's said that it was CRITICAL  that he sleep and relax.  A psychiatrist came in and helped him to relax with a med., music therapy and touch/massage therapy.  The staff has been wonder to the family/ caregivers too. We are very grateful.

Like you, my Dad was very frustated, lwith ging back and forth with doctors early on, before we discovered Sloan. -(You never know, you maybe misdiagnosed too.) 

My Dad is now hopeful. Last week he could not walk. Dad is now walking better and is talking about going fishing.  Many people have told us that he would have died, had he not gone to Sloan.  My Dad is talking about going fishing with his grandchildren.  He is looking at life differently.  I hope you will use this story and choose not give up and will find peace with this journey ahead of you. 

Love and prayers,

Barbara Anne

PS A friend of mine said that most insurances will pay for Sloan, because it is a cancer treatment center.  - I think my parents avoided Sloan, because they were afraid that it would not be covered. 

 

 

I'm glad your dad is finally at Sloan; it was the 1st place I suggested back in November. I kick myself so bad that we didn't take my dad there; especially since your dad is being treated so well & you finally got answers. I wonder if our outcome would have been different had we gotten ther :(

RE: no family

by roslyn on Sun Feb 13, 2011 07:04 PM

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Hi,

physicially I am still doing okay.  But mentally I am totally freaking out.  My situation does not seem so dire since I have had a long ovedue talk with my daughter who had no idea what I was planning.  She and her husband is very upset about my plans so we have come up with a plan that hopefully will keep me at home with my grand babies and still not be such a burden on them.  My ex says he will be there for me every step of the way.  I shall see. Anyway, as of this moment, I have hope that I will have my family with me. and I won't have to travel this road alone!!  pls keep me in your prayers.  Roslyn

 

RE: no family

by roslyn on Sun Feb 13, 2011 07:27 PM

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Hello,

I live in the US and do have pretty good health insurance.  I do intend to check out some cancer speciality facility as soon as I  can.  Is Sloan located here or elsewhere?  This is all so new to me and need every suggestoin and encouragement I can get.  Thanks so much for your concern.  Fortunately, after a long overdue talk with my daughter this morning we have come up with a plan that can be helpful to the both of us without me becoming a total burden to her and her husband.  They are really fine people and I worry constantly about being a burden to them and my grandbabies.  I hope members of this site can understand my plight and not write me off as being too whiny or pitiful! Without Cancercompass.com I will be a fish out of water. 

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