Study found that widows and their friends/family often bonded via the monthly checks
by dcrdsknsfan on Tue Mar 29, 2011 02:17 PM
Good morning all. Great site and I feel better having read all your input and support to each other.
I have a weird story and need to get it out to people who "get it". My regular friends dont.
Ive been friends with a guy for awhile now. We are both married and our spouses don't appreciate the friendship so we don't get to see each other often. Just email and texts. He was diagnosed with Leukemia last fall, after many yrs of suffering from Chrohns and a full colectomy. He's endured so much and this is just icing on the cake. He started chemo in December and got through 3 sessions and had to take a break due to the horrible state it put him in. Wasting away to nothing, depression, fatigue, and swelling of legs and feet. Our friendship continues though I can't be there with him to take care of him, and I feel so useless. He started back on chemo after aggressive TPN which worked wonders and he gained alot weight and is able to eat again.
This round of chemo is kicking is a**. He feels worse than ever, is very emotional, and scared sh**less about dying. I know she is a very selfish woman and does help some but doesn't even go to chemo with him sometimes. I kills me to hear that, when SHE is the caretaker, or supposed to be.
How can I give him the support he needs if I am "long distance". Words can only go so far. I can only say Im sorry so many times, and that I wish I could do more. I will always be here for him and told him as such, but he is in such pain, I think he will give up.
This sucks! Thanks everyone... it just helps to rant. ;P
by squand on Fri Apr 08, 2011 01:04 PM
We'll that should put an end to it right there--your both married................My goodness if you want to go out with someone else be decent get a divorce first...
I often wonder if our vows mean anything anymore to people.
by Patti.Williams on Fri Apr 08, 2011 02:55 PM
Sorry to hear about your friend having such a tough time of Crohn's and Leukemia.
I understand your concern for him but want to caution you on allowing too much emotion into your relationship with him. You do have other commitments (your husband, family) as does he. It would be easy emotionally to slide into a rescue relaitonship when one is so needy or emotionally not supported in one's own family.
I get where you're coming from but I see there is reason for caution. You have obligations to your family to keep your relationship to this friend "kosher."
No sense in hurting all your family and all his family for something that is based on the wrong things.
Live like there is no tomorrow: no regrets, no remorse, no looking back (and no hurting others).
by eastwest on Fri Apr 08, 2011 04:11 PM
Hi P Unfortunately sometimes we can only be there thru a phone call or email. But that person will know and feel the support if we keep up correspondence.
Perhaps his wife and your husband feel you are investing support that is not within the bounds of friendship? Maybe you can talk over your need to be there for your friend with them? Maybe offer his wife to drive them or just him to treatment if she feels unable. Some caretakers just are not able to be there physically for their loved one. Perhaps if you went her she would be able? Irene
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