Please Help me Help my Father.

Bob,

Thank you for the information. That web site was great. I ended up printing about 25 pages for my dad. He really enjoyed reading it. It was wonderful to hear so many positive stories. I really think it gave my father a sense of hope and an optimistic outlook on the whole situation. I appreciate all the time that you have taken. It has really made a difference in our lives.
Thanks again,
Kelley

Kelley, YOU MADE MY DAY! Just to know that I helped make a difference in your dad's outlook gives me a terrific "high"...better than any drug! It also reinforces why I have stuck with facilitating the Man to Man group for 4 years...it is the good feeling that comes with helping men (and their loved ones) deal with the diagnosis of prostate cancer. The cycle goes something like this...we (the group) help the newly diagnosed man gain knowledge about different treatments based on our own experiences; follow him through treatment and hopefully he continues to meet with us as we live our lives after treatment. Then, this man returns the favor by being part of the "experienced" group as he shares his experience with the newly diagnosed men who visit our group. The "student" all of a sudden can become the "teacher" because all we relate is our personal experience with our treatment of choice. The "student" can take all that information into account as he decides on HIS treatment of choice. IT IS A POWERFUL PROCESS! You haven't said anything about a support group in your locale, but if there is one, your dad could (should) get some really good information and support. If you aren't sure what is around, just Google "Prostate Cancer Support Groups." The two groups that I am familiar with are American Cancer Society's MAN TO MAN and UsToo's groups. We invite spouses and loved ones to our group and always have women attending. Not all groups do that. You know how this diagnosis affects the entire family! Once again, best wishes to you, your dad and family. Your dad (and all the rest of the family)SHOULD BE VERY OPTIMISTIC ABOUT HIS SUCCESSFUL TREATMENT. Bob

Bob,
I will let him know about the support group information in fact, I'll do that as soon as I'm finished with this response. He has decided to go with the robotic surgery which is scheduled for September 19th. He is very nervous, I'm not sure if you'll know anything about this but he has to go have his bladder checked for cancer as well on September 6th. I think he's more apprehensive about that then the actual surgery itself. I guess his doctor told him that it wouldn't hurt (easier said then done) but he's extremely nervous about it. I wondered if maybe you know anything about it and if it's painful or not.. I really appreciate all the time that you have taken to write to us. It has really helped to get some positive information especially from someone who is also going through it. I'll check on those support groups if there is anyone as helpful as you are there, then I'm sure he'll feel a whole lot better. I wish he had a computer so that he could talk to you himself. I'll keep printing him the messages they really give him a sense of security and hope. Thank you so much, I can't wait to hear from you soon!!! Thanks again Bob.
Kelley

Hi Kelley, I'm delighted to hear back from you and what your father is planning to do. Based on the experiences of men in my group, I think he is making a good choice. Personally, my "regular" surgery was "a piece of cake." I really mean that. I had no pain afterwards and my healing was without any problems. I had my surgery on a Thursday and went to the next Man to Man meeting the following Monday. My biggest (and only) irritation was incontinence for awhile after they removed the catheter. Your dad won't have the catheter in as long as I did since he is having robotic. My problem was that I hadn't been advised to do my "Kegel" exercises before surgery to build up those muscles, so I had to play "catch-up" after surgery. I went through quite a few "Depends for Men" before conquering it. I'm sure it will be to your dad's advantage to faithfully do those exercises between now and Sept. 19. There are 3 men in my group who have had Robotic Surgery and all three had wonderful experiences. Two went to Detroit and one to Seattle. Now we have it close by in Eugene (OR). In fact, the urologist who regularly attends our group is doing it now. He showed us a video of the surgery at one of our meetings. It is really "state of the art." Your dad should come through it in fine shape. A good question to ask is how many Robotic Surgeries the surgeon has done and how his results have been. Some of the studies I have read suggest that the kind of treatment we get isn't as important as the experience and skill of the doctor performing the treatment. Your dad does want to be in experienced hands. As far as the bladder check is concerned, I'm not surprised they are checking it even though they didn't with me. I have had my bladder checked since my surgery and I would call it "uncomfortable," but not painful. They do deaden the entry into the bladder. Come to think of it, I think the most uncomfortable part of it was when they filled my bladder to capacity. That probably won't happen with your dad. They were checking my overall capacity and voiding velocity rather than just checking the inside of the bladder. "To Kelley's Father:" It looks to me like you are in good hands! You are going down the same road each and every one of us facing prostate cancer treatment has travelled. You are very fortunate to be living in 2006. We have so many different treatments available and very effective treatments, too. Robotic Assisted Surgery is one that is really making a difference. AND, you are very fortunate to have such a caring daughter to seek out information for you. My guess is that since you have now chosen your treatment, your anxiety level is coming down a bit. Speaking personally and from what my men say, that is probably THE biggest decision we have to make. (Now back to Kelley). If you go to www.ustoo.com, and look for support groups, then click on Oregon, you can find my group by the process of elimination. There you can find particulars if you or your father want to make contact with me. Best wishes to your father and a big "Thank You" for all you are doing for him. Bob

Bob,
My father is over the house tonight for dinner and i gave him the reply that you wrote yesterday, he was so excited he had me go on the computer to check to see if you wrote back. Thank you so much for the advise and hope. My father checked out a couple of support groups and is now going to join thanks to your wonderful advise. He was wondering if maybe he could contact you by phone. He doesn't have a computer but really loves reading your messages. Well, i hope that you have a great evening. I'm going to go and give him this reply. It will make his day!!!! Thank you so much. Until next time..
Kelley

Hi Kelley.
Absolutely! Your father may contact me by phone. I noticed today, in rereading my last message, that I sent you to www.ustoo.com instead of www.ustoo.org. However, when I tried the .com today, I was able to get on their website. I'm hopeful that you were too. In fact, I'm assuming you were and also found my phone number. Let me know if I am wrong. I would enjoy talking with your father. Anything I can do to help him get through the next several months, I'll be glad to do. I'm delighted he is going to attend a support group. With any luck, he may find someone who has had Robotic Surgery...and maybe even with the same surgeon. These things happen. I really enjoy your emails. I actually look forward to your responses and any new concerns that you might have. You keep me on my toes and I like that. You have been a real life-saver for your father. He has to be so proud of you! I feel very privileged to have had this opportunity to help your father and it only happened because you reached out for him. I hope your father and I will chat by phone soon. Best wishes and "Thanks!"
Bob
p.s. If any of my 3 Robotic men are around, I'm sure one or more of them would be happy to talk with your father about their experience, if he would find that helpful. Just let me know.

thanks for all of your concern and help, i really appreciate it. i just can't wait until all of this is over with. i hope that you are doing better as well. i will pray for you and your family. i think that it is really great that you can come out of this experience and help others. you have really made a difference in our lives!! talk to you soon,
kelley

Hi Kelley,

I'm wondering if your father has a copy of his biopsy report.

Bob

Hi Kelley, Our American Cancer Society's RELAY FOR LIFE is coming up on August 18-19. Although we are a small community, we put out over 2,000 Luminaria each year. I'm going to put one out in Honor of your father being a CANCER SURVIVOR. Unless I get other information from you, I will name the Luminaria "Kelley's Dad." I will also take a picture of it after it is lit and have it available for you. I hope everything has kind of settled down for both of you now.
Best Wishes,

Bob

Bob,
That would be so great. Thank you very much!! I would love it if you would do that for us. We so appreciate all of your time and care.. I will have to ask my dad about the biopsy report. I'm pretty sure that he does have a copy. Thanks again for everything. I can't wait to here from you soon.
Kelley