Lost My Mom A Week Ago

Hi I just join and happy that I did today! I lost my mom aweek ago with lung cancer and went to the brain. Very hard to see a loved one go threw so much and you think they can fight this but all that happens is they get worse and pass on!! I looked in her eyes and see the emotions and all I could do is comfort her threw this passing on sage! My Mom tried to hang on but the pain was too great and to see her suffer like that was no words to explain !!! I talked to my Mom and told her if God is there reaching to you Mom time to let go and be free of the pain!! It hurt me so much to tell my Mom to go!! But being the caretaker and being ther day in and day out and watching all the system well I couldn't bear no more!! Family and friends were shock how fast Mom left us! And they knew she would not be here with us that she was dying! My Dad took it somewhat hard ! He is fighting the emotions! Mom was buried on there 51 anniversary ! We didn't have any choice, it just worked out that way! Well Dad went away this weekend to visit a friend down the shore and I am happy that he did! I will keep an eye on him and visit off and on to make sure he is healing his emotions! I am slowly healing but I know in my heart it will take time for me and dad and family and most of all friends! Thank you for letting me vent! I will pray for all the love ones who is sick with cancer and who is passing on ! It hurts in many ways! god Bless Sheila

i too lost my mom it was july 10,2006. i had been greiving about knowing i was loosing her for many months before. The night before she went i too asked God if it was his will to take her so she would not lay there like she was and suffer. It was the hardest thing i had to do for i had faught this dx right with her for 11yrs. in reserching and support. She had brest cancer it spread to lungs.When the cancer spread the pastor came to pray with her for healing. My mother smiled and told him either way she was a winner. For she would be healed either here or in Heaven that would be Gods choice. Thats the only thing that helps me. God Bless you and your family and may he help you heal also.

Hi, I'm the caretaker of my brother. I know what you mean. Its so hard to sat by and watch them suffer so. Paul was diagnosed September of 2005 and he now in stage 4 He's taking the drug Tarceva now for 3 monthes. seeems to helping him. But I still have days I think he's not long for this world then other days he seems to befine. How long did your mom have the cancer? and what stage was she when she found out? Paul was stage 3b last year and stage 4 when he started the Tarceva. Bigsis1018

my dad is at stage iv lung cancer and has no more treatment to come, he is getting more poorly each day , breathless, coughing,not eating much he was given 4 months a weeks ago but the way he is going i do not think it will be that long .... he sleeps most of the day and cant walk very far now because of getting breathless
can anyone help me with what i should expect to come, i need to know so i can try and prepare myself i am finding this so difficult to cope with

Hi Sheila,

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my fatehr to brain cancer in March of this year.. A day does not pass that I do no think of him still. It was so difficult watching him suffer through the last months of his life.. But I also know he relished having all of the support and attention we gave him. We had the opporunity to connect in a way that never would have occurred under any other circumstance. He was always the strong one --then he became the vulnerable one and we had to be strong for him and show him the love he had always shown..Though it was very hard looking back I am so thankful for the time we had together-for the deeper bond that grew out of it. I know this must be so devastating for your father.. My parents live out of town and I often have to check on my mom too. I know hospice provides counceling services to widows and widowers.. I also know many people have a hard time going to see "Therapist" -my mom included so I try to make sure peopl ein the community are checking in on her.. Fortunately she lives in a small community.

Hang in there and I encourage you to talk about her.. Talk about her with your father too. I know it is a hard thing to do.. but touching grief and experiencing it is a part of getting to the other side..You'll never let go of her in your heart but the intense pain will pass with time.

I wish you the best
Christine

You can go to http://dying.about.com/caregivers
But here are a few things to know.Everyone is different you have to realize.
. withdrawals from social activities and spends more time alone.
.speaks of tying up loose ends
.may show a desire to speak to family, freinds and make amends or catch-up.
.increased restlessness, confused can't get comfortable.
.loss of interest in daily activities.
.can't heal of infections or etc.
loss of interest in eating and drinking.
.longer periods of sleep or inactivty.
.speak of dying or ask questions.
.may see people who passed on.
edema:swelling
.apnea: awake or asleep.breath real slow or real fast.
The above can last for weeks or monthes
The followingwell last for only a few days to a couple of weeks.
--fluid builds up in lungs, congested,longer periods of apenea.and abnormal breathing patterns such as slow then fast.
--He may state they are dying soon.
--difficulties swallowing liquids or the resistence of food and drink.
--marked changes in personalitiy, acting wildly, servere agitation, hallicinations.
--increased difficulty waking them from sleep, the inabilty to arouse them at all, or a comma-like-state.
--subject is unresponsive or can't speak.
--does not move for long periods of time.
--legs, feet, arms,hands give a blueish or purplish color,splotchy appearance.
--decrease urinenation with urine darkining in color or changing color.
---drop of blood pressure to 20 to 30 below normal like top 70 and bottom 50
---loss hearing, feeling, smell, taste, sight--final stage
Hope this helps. Your love one won't have all but this are things to watch for. Also when the legs turn splotchy blue that is a for certain sign they are pasting away. With cancer their body has to shut down. One organ at a time.

Thank you for your personal experience and advice. It is very hard to get a doctor pinned down as far as what to look for in the last stages. They don't seem to realize that we wouldn't ask if we weren't needing this information.
My mother in law has lived with us for four years but was recently diagnosed with primary colorectal cancer that has metastasized to a large tumour in her liver, one on her intake side of the bowel, one on her left kidney adrenal gland and a suspicious spot on her lung. She is 85 and has many other comorbidities i.e. narcolepsy, Rheumatoid arthritis, a large abdominal aortic aneurysm that is ready to go, etc.
She was just diagnosed in September 2006 and has gone downhill quickly. Her oncologist told her he could not cure her at this point but could help her to cope with symptoms and monitor her overall health.
She is in pain constantly. We go to see a pain specialist in palliative care this week but I can see the changes in her daily. Her flesh is melting away from her arms and legs. She is irrational at times and incoherent at others. She blames us, my husband and I for everything that goes wrong or perceived is wrong.
She was not taking her pain meds consistantly so we took over and have put her on a schedule. At one point she had overmedicated herself to the point of nausea and loss of cognition. We now have her regulated but it isn't helping with her anger and her need to lash out at the people who are caring for her. Its very hurtful to my husband, her son, to be the scapegoat at every turn. Her other two sons will not take any of the care responsibilities for various reasons. I understand but it is a tough row to hoe alone.
I told her that she can't keep pushing the ones who care for her away; she needs us and we need to do this for her. She has now stated she wants to go to the palliative care unit we've arranged for her. I know on her good days she will hate it there but will need it on her bad days. I'm so confused at what to do that is right for everyone, but it can't go on for any of us this way for much longer. I'm worn down and can't seem to focus or get any work done (I have my office at home so I can see to her needs), can't keep the house as clean as I usually do (I'm OC about it). I feel like I'm fading away. I have moments when I wish she would just go away and I'd never see her again, but I realize its just exhaustion and futility getting the better of me. I feel lightheaded and dizzy most of the time.
My husband works long and odd hours but tries to do his part. He is beaten down by his mother's attitude and the way she complains about everything and everyone.
I worry about his health. He's turning 50 next week and I noticed his colour was very pale lately. He's had a physical recently but I think the stress is doing him in.
Anybody with ideas on how to deal with the cancer patient's anger? Anybody else having issues with lack of family support?
Lets talk.

 

On 7/23/2006 Ncmtnfam4 wrote:

i too lost my mom it was july 10,2006. i had been greiving about knowing i was loosing her for many months before. The night before she went i too asked God if it was his will to take her so she would not lay there like she was and suffer. It was the hardest thing i had to do for i had faught this dx right with her for 11yrs. in reserching and support. She had brest cancer it spread to lungs.When the cancer spread the pastor came to pray with her for healing. My mother smiled and told him either way she was a winner. For she would be healed either here or in Heaven that would be Gods choice. Thats the only thing that helps me. God Bless you and your family and may he help you heal also.

I was surprised to see the date of July 10, 2006 in your posting. I also lost my mom to breast cancer (which spread to bone, liver and brain) on July 10, 2006. Maybe they are up there hanging out.   :)