by rrtoon1 on Fri Sep 02, 2011 12:23 PM
Thank you Leonard and everyone else who has responded. I thank you for sharing your stories with me. I don't think you are too blunt. I am not living in a dream world and I have seen my wife degrade quickly over the past few months. Hospice came out yesterday and checked on my wife. The nurse is very good and is helping get things in order. We have never gotten a time frame from the doctor but the nurse yesterday told me that my wife has a month, maybe two months left.
Not surprised because I can see it. She is starting to get that "Deer in the Headlights" look. Also some disorentation is kicking in. She doesn't want to eat and thinks she is getting better even though she is getting weaker by the day. I sat with her yesterday and told her what the nurse said. Her reply was Ok, don't worry about me and you will be fine.
Also yesterday we talked to the kids. We both felt they needed to know what was going on. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I don't know if people will agree with what I did but I always believe in being honest with my children. They sense things and see things better than anyone else. I have heard too many stories from people that have lost a parent young that they didn't know and didn't get a chance to enjoy those last precious moments. I can't let my kids have that void for the rest of there lives. It is going to be hard enough without their mother.
My wife doesn't want to be home when she passes so I think she will be moving to a facility soon. That kind of sucks. The whole going away to die aspect but it is better for the kids. It will be hard enough and they don't need to be there when things get really bad.
Please send prayers to my children to help them cope and be strong...
by luvmamma on Sat Sep 03, 2011 02:40 AM
I think you are doing an awsome job on dealing with this, as young as your kids are they need to know. I wish you and your family all the best! You are all in my prayers.
by rrtoon1 on Mon Sep 05, 2011 02:38 AM
Today has been a very hard day. Kelly had to be moved to a hospice facility. She has declined very quickly over the past 2 days. I cannot have her at home since i am not able to give her the 24 hours of care she needs. She was well enough today before she went to have the kids come visit her along with her parents and 2 sisters. It is only a matter of time before she is gone. I am guessing it will be within the next week. I am also hoping because she has put up a great fight but nothing can be done and I don't want her to suffer
She is very sick. She cannot eat and they are given her liquid morphine.She told me she wasn't scared and I told her to be at peace. It is hard to see the beautiful women that you love being eaten by this horrific disease. I only hope that she can hear me and knows how much she is loved. God is waiting for her and I need her to go to him.
That is all for now. I will update as things progress.
by luvmamma on Mon Sep 05, 2011 02:56 AM
Sorry to hear.... How are you the kids? I'm praying and thinking of you all.... God bless your wife
by Midwestgirl on Mon Sep 05, 2011 03:26 AM
I am very sorry to read about your wife's decline. You have done a fantastic job with letting your kids know what's going on and being so honest and up front (along with incredibly strong) for your wife.
I am sending lots of (((((HUGS))))) and prayers to you, your wife, and your children during this difficult time.
by rrtoon1 on Thu Sep 08, 2011 11:17 AM
Things are progressing as hospice said they would. Kelly is becoming restless and sleeps most of the time. The family things she is still fighting because she is becoming increasing aggitated and keeps trying to move around. I take that as another step in the process of moving on to the next life.
Our priest came the other day and did confession and the final blessings for Kelly. We have some spent some quality time together talking when she can. She has said she is ready and asked me if I was ready for her to leave the other day. Wow that was a hard blow. I let her know that I am as ready as I can be.
The kids are doing well with everything. They started school and are doing there Hockey and soccer as normal. They know what's going on but it won't hit home until she is gone I think.
Kelly hasn't eaten in almost a week and is drinking water like a fish. She has become jaundice in the eyes and her arms and hands.
I thank everyone for your kind words and prayers. I have told her to go when God comes for her and not to wait for me to be there. One of the nurses at the facility told me not to feel guilty if things happen and I am not there. I want to be there for her but feel I also need to be at home for my kids.
by Midwestgirl on Thu Sep 08, 2011 02:37 PM
Oh, Chris, I'm so sorry to hear of this progression with Kelly. You are being such a terrific husband and father....my sincere blessings go out to all of you....
I just lost my dad a little over a month ago to pancreatic cancer. There were some of us taking "shifts" the last few days being with him. Is this possible in your case? Whoever is with your wife would let you know of any changes in her condition. In this way, if you weren't there, they could call you if her condition changes, and you could still be with her as she transitions to her new life, and you wouldn't have any future opportunity to feel "guilty" about not being there. I was with my dad when he passed, and I wouldn't have had it any other way - so peaceful - it was truly a blessing to be there.
I am thinking of you and your family, and I wish you peace during this difficult time.
Love and (((((HUGS))))),
by Solutions on Thu Sep 08, 2011 05:11 PM
This is Leonard...Chris your last sentence in your very first paragraph is absolutly correct. It the process, I lived it and seen it.
Kelly is a very strong lady...her comment proves that. Karen said the same to me. It way very hard for me but I told Karen it was okay to leave and I will see her some day soon. That helped I think a little. She put her hand on my face while tears were flowing.
Chris, be there if at all possible...getting a call that things changed will not allow you the time to be there...it happens fast. The last breath will just come.
Kelly is so young, this is the disturbing part of the entire situation. The children will feel the pain later...watch them closely.
Things will be very difficult in your home...way too many sign of mom doing things and helping. It going to get hard Chris.
Again, I am so sorry for you and the children. Remember Kelly is moving into a much better situation than she is currently.
It appears only you know that...
Your Cancer Compass friend Leonard from Alamo California
by Georgie430 on Fri Sep 09, 2011 01:35 AM
I like the others have been thinking of you and your wife and children. I will just echo what the previous posters have said, try your best to be by her side. My husband didn't want his young son to see him die but he did want me there. And I am very grateful that I was able to be with him. If at all possible, can you guys take turns being with her?
I know I would want to die with a loved one close by, if possible. And the prior poster is right it may take your children a little time for the impact to hit. Also everyone grieves differently even children.
These are all our opinions and advice, you know whats best in your heart for your family.
May God keep you close at this time
by rrtoon1 on Sun Sep 11, 2011 12:43 PM
Thank you everyone for your support. Kelly's condition is continuing to degrade and I am thinking it will be very soon when she passes. Someone is with her 24 hours a day. I am there a lot and so are her parents, brothers and sisters. I took the kids to see her yesterday and she had a quick moment of clarity and had enough energy to tell them each that she loved them. After they left she was out of it completely and the 5 minutes she was awake Kelly just wasn't making any sense. I know this is part of the process but is hard to be there and see the beautiful woman you love wasted away and mentally not the person she was.
I think the family is ready for her to go. I think maybe to stop our suffering at seeing her this way. I know she is comfortable and not in any pain and it is only us that are experiencing the pain.
I know the kids will have a tough time with everything but that is my job, to be there for them and let them know that I hurt too.
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