Untreated Oral Cancer-Need Help

My friend a year and a half ago was diagnosed with oral cancer. The cancer was cut out but he refused radiation treatment. He is a heavy smoker and drinker. Three months ago he was diagnosed with oral cancer again. Despite all arguments he has refused all treatment saying he did not want to be disfigured etc and thought it would just come back anyways. His cancer was never "staged" and he refuses to go to specialist to find out. Says he does not want to know. Therefore me and his family have no idea where in the process he is. The skin around his jaws are turning red and he has a large "bump" on his chin. He is taking neurontin and pain meds. He has no appitite and is loosing weight. I will be the caregiver when he needs it. But seeing the cancer was never staged and he refuses all treatment can somebody help with what will happen next and about when it will......i know there is no definate answer but if somebody has an educated guess on this i surely would appreciate it.....like will he need a tube? How long will it be before the cancer gets him down and he will need me to take care of him? I have found on many sites the life expectancy with treatment............but what about without treatment. And when will i know when the beginning of the end comes? What should i look for? What should i expect as a caregiver? Any help will be appreciated.

I just read your post and I cannot believe how selfish and foolish your friend is. He is putting you and probably everyone who cares about him through hell because he is too afraid to quit smoking and get treated. He apparently cares more about that than anything else. It's a shame. He says he doesn't want to get disfigured, well without treatment he is guaranteeing that he will. His demise won't be pretty or fun for anybody, especially you as his caregiver. I know we all have the right to decide our own fate and course of action when we get sick but if you care about your loved ones you will consider their feelings in your decision.

I was diagnosed last year with Stage IV cancer in my tonsil and underwent radiation and chemo. I couldn't swallow and ate through a feeding tube for 6 months. I had to relearn how to swallow. It wasn't pleasant but it's over and I'm alive and well for now. Whenever I didn't want to go through anymore I just thought of how it would hurt my wife if I gave up. I'm glad I stuck with it and although I'm not exactly as I was before (but pretty close), I appreciate what I've got and look forward to the future.

To answer your question, it sounds like the cancer is metastisizing which would probably make him a Stage IV (at least a III) . It depends on where his cancer spreads as to how long it will take. If it goes to his bones he will start having alot of bone pain and fractures. If it goes to his lungs he will have alot of pain and will lose the ability to breath. If it goes to his brain...well you get the picture. He is choosing the most painful, disfiguring, and hurtful way to deal (or not deal) with this. My sympathies are with you. Keep up your strength, you're going to need it.