Where is everyone?

Hi Brandy and and all

I am still here and still using what my parents now call "unhealthy coping mechanisms"...I guess I'll always be their little girl even though I am a grandma!

Most on this board know my story...our battle started on July 17 2008 and Rod passed on July 17 2010.  In March 2011 I dove into college while still working a full-time job.  I graduated in August with a 94% average as a PSW.  I started working for two companies immediately and work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week.  I still need to keep busy busy so that I don't have time to think.  But...I don't drink or take pills and I'm trying to quit smoking.

I currently care for two clients, one of whom has a brain tumor and it just feels so rewarding to do the "little extras" for the family.

As for Christmas, I cancelled Christmas last year...it was our only real celebrated holiday and I just couldn't do it.  This year I'm already getting tense, but plan on at least putting a tree in the living room and just take it from there.

No one has come to visit me at home except my parents...all of our friends still avoid me when they see me...I confronted one and they told me that everyone knows how attached we were to each other and just plain don't know what to say....facebook has become my way of communicating with most of them.  Even Rods sons haven't been back out to the house since the memorial last July...I see them, but I have to go there because they don't want to drive past the cemetery, which I still stop at everyday.  I don't get out, but I do stop and blow him a kiss.

I think you're getting the picture as to why I don't post on here as much anymore...it makes me think and then my fingers get going.

Take care Brandy and everyone else.  If I see a post where I think I can offer some words of advice or insider information, I will reply...but everyone please know that you are and will always be in my thoughts.

Donna E.

Lost my daddy August 10th - life sucks. It hurts so bad I hate everything about it. I can scream everyday and it hurts like hell. GBM sucks it took the greatest man away from me.

I wanted to correct myself. My husband was dx 7/2/10 not 7/2/11. Anaplastic Oliodendroglioma. His last 21day temador was yesterday, I am praying for a good report on his visit next week for his 2 month check-up.

Hello, Brandy.  Seems that we have lost so many.  I don't visit the site very much at all.  I lost my darling husband in 12/10 after battling for 21 1/2 months.  I will never be the same and I'm sure you feel the same.

I'm just trying to carve out some sort of life without him.  It hasn't been easy and the grief doesn't end.  I do have great joy in sharing that we have a new darling grandson.  Jackson was born exactly 9 months and 4 days after we lost my husband.  He is beautiful, healthy and just makes us all smile.  We so needed that renewal and that new life.  It has given us al new hope.

I pray that you are finding your way without your love as well.  Nothing, nothing, nothing will ever be the same for any of us.  The loss is just too great.

God bless you and your family.

Vickie

Hi Brandy,

Yes, it is me - after so long a time - Our Alex passed just after your husband, the 9th of January 2011.

Life has been pretty much a blur since then - I try to come here but, when I see all the pain and suffering surround so many - I want to run away and hide silently screaming - knowing what's in store for them.

The few words I could have offered would not have been encouraging or uplifting - so, better left unsaid.

And, then that brings up a certain amount of guilt for not being someone else's support system - like I had here.  But, I cannot give what I do not have at this moment in time.

I pray that when I regain my footing in this new world - I will be more diligent in giving of myself to the "newbies" and the "oldies", too!

For now, I just get by one moment, one hour, one day - it's all I can do. 

My heart goes out to you and your son.

Peace and Comfort,  Suzzanne 

Sheri - I see that you are from St. Louis but your husband is treating at Duke. I am from Vienna, MO - about 2 hours from St. Louis.  We started my dad's treatments in Columbia, MO, before transferring to Siteman Cancer Center at Barnes in St. Louis.  Our doctor there was Dr. Gerald Linette and I can not say enough good things about the wonderful medical care Dad received there.  We considered going further away, but when I contaced Johns Hopkins, they put me in touch with Dr. Linette's office, assuring me that he was one of the leading neuro-oncologists in the nation.  Treating at Barnes saved us much time, money and effort during Dad's treatment, and best of all, when his time came to go be with the Lord, we were able to be there at his side, a luxury we might not have been afforded had we gone out of state.   We truly believe the medical care he received in St. Louis gave him 6 full months of quality life he would not have had if we'd not switched doctors.

My best to you and Josh and your family!!!!

Brenda

Brandy -

My husband Bill passed away on 1/1/10 - and I come back on occasion to check and see if I can help any of the new folks dealing with this horrible disease - it was such a great support for me to be able to come and get answers and vent.  I am also confused about what to do for the holidays - just would prefer to avoid them completely.  I miss Bill so much, but am starting to feel like I am breathing again.  We are all so busy taking care of our "patient" that when it is over and they pass, we don't know what to do for ourselves anymore.  I feel guilty if I laugh because I think I am hurting him by living again - but then I remember that my husband would not want me to live a sad miserable life - he would want me to go on as I would have wanted for him - I miss him so bad but I have such great memories - and those have sustained me so far - please try to enjoy life - we all know how short and precious it is - and you know he would want you to be happy -

Take care -

Lori

Brandy,

I took a break from the site. I have popped in periodically but sometimes it was just too hard. It has now been 14 months since my father passed.

Tricia

I am happy to say that my husband's visit was a good one. No tumor reoccurance!   He is doing very well, just tired. He will have his next MRI  in Dec. The Dr. said to put it behind us and live life and that' s exactly what we are trying to do.

Hi Brandy,

I am so sorry to hear this - my heart goes out to you and your son.  I sometimes read but seldom post anymore.  We are transplanted Canadians in North Carolina.  My husband is doing okay - had to give up his job earlier this year but he has become my housekeeper (not Molly Maid standards, but I'll take it) and he manages to cut the grass.  His scan was good and Duke was pleased - it is just such a day to day way of living.  Bob's best friend was diagnosed with lung cancer 3 months ago and this has really taken a toll on him and his niece in Alberta is in the end stages of pleural cancer.  We just have to keep the faith.  Take care of yourselves,

K