Partners even more likely than survivors to experience fear and worry over long term, study finds
by MsPea on Mon Sep 26, 2011 05:06 PM
I am not quite done with this book but I needed to share it all with you because I feel it is the best thing to a road map I have found to get over his death. Both the authors lost their spouse at a "young age" and between the two (the man is a preacher and the woman is a psychologist) they pretty much cover everything I am thinking and feeling. They also give questions or suggestions to journal about to help you get beyond the pain and suffering and get on to the place where you can think of your spouse and smile instead of cry. It is written partially from the Christian perspective (from the guy) but if you don't like that part, just read her sections and you will still get a great benefit from the book, I feel.
I am pretty much done with it although I don't think I can finish because at this point they are talking about how to determine if you will stay single or remarry and I am just not ready to think about that. I am going to go back to the beginning, get a new journal and start anew.
I have learned that grief is a *process* and takes time, time itself will NOT heal us. We must do the work to get the reward, just as we had to work at our marriages to have a good marriage. There may be other books out there on grief, but how many of them were written by two people who both lost their spouses before they were 50? No, this book is the only one that really fits me and I think for the others of you who have lost a spouse and are "young," you NEED to read this book. They also talk about jobs, housing and finances especially for stay-at-home moms, if you can believe that.
This journey is not easy and there is not a soul in my circle of family and friends that could even have a clue as to what I am going through in my head. But you guys, here, at CancerCompass, some of you are just like me and for you I say: It IS possible to get through it. It has to be otherwise we would already be gone. And we WILL come out on the other side of this dark tunnel and be stronger, better people to ourselves and our kids. Let's stick together and help each other reach that other side. Strength in numbers!
This entire experience has changed my life as only being born has changed my life. I was called here from across the country, to move to a place I did not want to live in, and had no idea why, but I HAD TO DO IT. Then I found my real soul mate within seven days of being here. Together we went on this short but very eventful journey and now here I am, without him but finding that little voice once again speaking to me: Just stay calm. Be still. Let go and let God.
Let God indeed.
by dholloway59 on Sun Oct 30, 2011 02:24 AM
Sounds like it's goin to be a great book...
GOD BLESS YOU!!!
by ElenaMarie on Sun Oct 30, 2011 03:37 AM
by MsPea on Thu Jan 17, 2013 09:22 PM
I hope your mom has found some level of peace in her life. I took a much needed break from everything and just returned to this site today. I am better now, able to talk about how it was without losing it. I still think of him every day and that will never change but *what* I think does. Being with someone as long as your parents were together, that is a much bigger challenge because there is such an imense void. Thank you for sharing and give my best to your mom. I hope she has found the path to follow, for the right one has been laid for us and all we must to is find it. And follow it.
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No, but we got a second opinion after we started treatment
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