On Nov 01, 2011 5:20 AM tabbycat66 wrote:
Hi all, I havent posted in awhile, its been 16 months today since Mike has passed. It seems like forever. Im here today b/c i have a friend who is in his early 40's and has just had surgery. He had an AP Resection of his bowel with a colostomy bag for Stage 3b rectal cancer. I cant stand to see anymore of this cancer! He got through the surgery good, still has a long way to go but for now. its been about two weeks. He is home, feeling tired , in pain, the usual. But his will to live is going downhill. He is miserable, wont eat, cant sleep, and has talked about killing himself, dying etc. He has a good support system- family friends. Im friends with him and his wife. and their kids and mine are like cousins. My gf knows about crisis centers etc but she is having a hard time dealing with this as well. She got an appt with the cancer centers psychiatrist who deals with this, but not easily. Now her hubby (the patient) wants to go to get help, but he doesnt want to go. He is stubborn and lost. Said he's not going, no support groups etc etc.no "" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://etc.no " target="_blank" rel="nofollow">etc.no visitors etc. I was wondering if anyone had any ideas. I was thinking that finding someone in his shoes or someone who has gone through this may help him. Like a one on one friend rather than a group. Where would i find that? Any ideas guys. I know this is normal. a colostomy is life changing , and so is the fact that he isnt finished yet, he still has 6 months of chemo etc to go.
Thanks. HUGS XOXO
Tracey
Tracy, HI; My depression was letting me simply lie abed while I was going thru Rx/Cx, away from home, living alone in a hotel. Fortunately for me, the treatment center had all phases of help, cancer/radiation/Chemo effects therapy, whole body, nutritionists, naturopaths, (CTCA), very hands-on, problem was, I had to get to the facility each day, they sent a car for me, but I had to call for it, and was so depressed, my great struggle each day was to get up, wash, change Rx burn bandages, dress, call for pickup... some days I didn't. One day, I went in to get a somach feed tube (pec tube), and while the Dr/Nurse were out of the room, it was like I hit bottom of depression, just started seeing all the good things I'd miss, (chewing, tasting, mobility, etc) if I had them put in a tube, just started feeling great, went out of the room hugging everyone, saying "I can do this", amazed them, confused them, and that made me feel great too.
That attitude evaporated by the next morning, but the memory got me up the next day, I guess I just switched from "victim mode" to "survivor mode". Not something I actually did, just something that happened to me. But that's how easy it can be, you just decide to fight it.
My formula now, is to just make one small decision for each moment: will it be Negative or Positive. Negative, all I have to do is lie here until I die. Positive, I'll do something, maybe just get up, maybe just decide to uninate, maybe then decide to wash or not, maybe dress a little or not, eat or not, disappoint my loved one's or not, cancel all their efforts in my care, or not. Don't let the "victim" NOT CARE about you, those who love "him". Let "him" decide each moment, s/he'll probably get pissed and so something for "himself", just to get away from you, and they're on the way to "survivor mode".
Helping someone else takes your mind off yourself, ask the "victim" to post, share depression, "why me?", effects of treatment, physical and mental change because of the cancer/treatments, etc. Everyone has something of value to give to someone who is looking for just exactly what you have to say.