I need an ear, and some advice

3 Posts | Page(s): 1 

I need an ear, and some advice

by okeakc01 on Mon Dec 12, 2011 06:44 AM

Quote | Reply

Hi, I am the caregiver for my brother who has stage 4 rectal cancer with mets to the liver, lungs and lymph nodes.  He moved in with me almost 7 months ago, as he does his treatments close by to where I live.  I just need to get some advice on how to cope with this, I find myself crying about it everywhere but my house, and trying to hold it in, as he is in my house, and I dont want him to see me.  I work full time and try my best, but I find that I am starting to burn out, taking him to appointments and trying to care for him is getting hard when I am getting no help from anyone.  I find my brother has went within himself as well, he stays to himself alot, does not go out, and I feel he is depressed, I am not sure what to do about it.  He has a 31 year old son and he basically has not offered me or his Dad any help, he has not even seen his Dad on going on 3.5 months, I know this hurts my brother, and I feel so angry towards him for hurting my brother and offering no help or support what so ever.  Please if anyone has any advice that would help me.......because I am starting to feel so overwhelmed, I would like to know if there is help out there as I cannot count on my newphew

RE: I need an ear, and some advice

by tricias76 on Wed Dec 14, 2011 07:32 PM

Quote | Reply

I really feel your pain. I know it's hard for you right now, but I would ask to speak to a social worker at the hospital. Maybe they can offer home health or other services. My mom is currently in hospice and I am her caregiver. I have a brother but he isn't involved. I would get so angry because I felt alone. Sometimes you have to just ask what you need from people. Regardless you can't force them to be involved. I am sure my mom is hurt that he is never around. I work also but for the past two weeks I had to stop. I have gone in a couple of days a week but I'm burnt out! I am on intermitten FMLA leave. Maybe you can find out if you can do the same. At least that will give you some time away from work to care for him and also time for yourself. I wish I can tell you that it's easy but it isn't. I have gone through so many ups/downs but at the end of the day I wouldn't change a thing. To be able to be with a loved one through such a hard time is something really special. You could give up on him, but your love for him is what makes you be there. Talk to someone even a therapist. It's good to be able to vent and not act like your so strong. It hurts! Just take care of yourself and I hope that you are able to find some resources. 

RE: I need an ear, and some advice

by okeakc01 on Mon Dec 19, 2011 04:24 PM

Quote | Reply

Thank you for your advice, and kind words, I am thinking of taking a leave in the New Year, I am just trying to hang on to then, another week or so.  I think not working would make a world of difference to me, I would just get some more time, instead of this rushing around constantly, I am becoming burnt out fast, if I were to continue to work and do this, I don't think I would be good for anyone.  I also get very angry because I do feel alone, and I very angry at  his son not for not helping, and just avoiding everything, he has not came around to see his Dad in 4 months, I just find it disgusting.  As you said you cannot force anyone to do anything, I guess that is the hard part, I know it hurts my brother, but he really does not talk about it much.  I am blessed to have awesome daughters who care and worry about me, they feel that this is getting too much, and will interfere with my health if it continue, my one daughter actually text her cousin, (my brothers son) and told him in no terms short to start to step up and help my Mother, she has 2 people right now that are bascially dying in her life( which I do, my best friend in the world is dying of esophogeal cancer) and she told her cousin if my mother gets sick, is because of you lack of responsibility towards your Dad.  I suppose it so hard for me to believe that people are out there like this, which I conceive as being self centred who will not help with love ones in these difficult times, as you said I would not have it any other way.  I was caregiver for my Mother and Father while they were sick, and I cannot imagine not doing it, I suppose that is why I found it so strange that a family member will stay away, and avoid everything............Please stay in touch, your words really helped

3 Posts | Page(s): 1 
Subscribe to this message board discussion

Latest Messages

View More

CancerCompass Survey

If you were considering traveling for cancer treatment, which headline would you find more interesting?

Get $75 for taking a research survey

We care about your feedback. Let us know how we can improve your CancerCompass experience.