Thought I'd chime in here on support groups. I have been following your posts Johnny0 but as my hubby died not long after this tumor/neck diagnosis, I've thought it best to avoid comment -- until now. I have had three experiences with support groups as a result of this head/neck cancer. Two for myself (grief groups) and one that was more of a sneak attack, I guess you'd call it, for my departed husband. I resisted and resisted going to the grief groups, thinking thoughts similar to yours. After all, most widows are far more aged than I, are retired, don't have a 21-year-old (or close to it) son/child (yes, he's a child to me!) and I figured I'd get through the grieving process with a stiff upper lip, some posts to this site and a carefully measured drink or two at night. I got nudged and nudged and more nudged to attend, so I agreed to one session. I was silent that evening. I did not participate. I figured these were weak people and, hey, I am not part of that group of humanity.
Long story short -- I stuck it out and discovered that despite the differences, the benefit was far more than I imagined or expected. There is something cathartic about being with those who "get it" ....who have experienced a loss of mate or child, which is so different from losing parents, that bonding began in a way I never planned. Now, I have friends who because they have not walked this path believe that all is well with me, the grieving period is done, and it's time to move on. There's no more talk/questions about my husband. His name is not mentioned. My support group ended but we decided to keep our group alive by phone and by biweekly meets at our homes. This is now my private group of people who I don't have to explain anything to, apologize to, keep a stiff upper lip with or keep silent about anything I'm feeling or dealing with. We work problems out together, which is so cool.
I think the benefits apply in all situations, not just in a grieving one. I also know that Bob was someone who would have run fast away from the mere mention of a support group at any stage of his cancer treatment. He's (was) not a church-going person and didn't show any feminine side either...lol. Loved that guy. :-)) And, like you, he didn't want to be talking "cancer, cancer, all day long." Those were his words, many times. But I had a sneaky suspicion that he'd benefit from talking to someone -- deeply -- other than me. I had a hospice chaplain come visit who did not tell him he was a chaplain. We kept it secret for some time. I was delighted to see those two slowly connect more and more. I then introduced a social worker, again without fanfare or identification -- just friends I'd met, I'd tell him. Soon, we had a support group!
And I am here to tell you that the support group was an amazing gift to him. These folks had answers that I could not provide...that doctors did not discuss. These folks had experience I did not have. The sharing of life with people who had already walked the path, in this case with others, gave him answers and peacefulness and a place to pour out frustrations with folks who responded differently than a loving best friend/wife.
It was worth it to both of us in both instances.
That's all I know.