friend near the end

I need advise. I have been looking after a elderly man who has no family for a few years he has advanced prostrate cancer. We have a unique relationship he has become a very special person in my life he's like a father figure to me. In the last year he has been deteriorating he has now in respite as the doctors would not release him in my care because he is what they say a dead wieght and I would be unble to lift him as he can longer move from his pelvis down. My delema is he wants me to make all his future desicions for him I was told in the last week the cancer has spread to his  liver, lungs, bone and brain. He is in so much pain I have been able to get hiis doctor to give him morphine. What I would like to know approximatley how long will he have to suffer and how will I know when the end is near as I dont want him to be  alone. Any information would be very appreciated.

To make future health care decisions for your friend, if he is lucid and able to make decisions, see if he is willing to sign a durable power of attorney for health care, sometimes called a medical directive giving you authority to make some or all health care decisions for him if he is unable to do so. The exact form varies from state to state, but this is something his health care providers can help you with or direct you to.

I have taken care of two relatives in pain and dying, one with cancer. If your friend has less than 6 months to live, as determined by his doctor, he should be referred to hospice. In hospice, he should have a hospice nurse that is monitoring his pain needs and automatically (with a doctors order) providing him with the appropriate pain medications to keep him comfortable most of the time. 

In terms of how long he will have to suffer, if a hospice nurse is monitoring the pain situation and is in place, the answer is none/very little. 

How long it will be to the end, is hard to determine and varies from patient to patient. I have found the person who knows the best is the hospice nurse who has been through this before many times, and can give you a good idea how close the end is.

Gene

On Feb 11, 2012 12:50 PM kazel wrote:

I need advise. I have been looking after a elderly man who has no family for a few years he has advanced prostrate cancer. We have a unique relationship he has become a very special person in my life he's like a father figure to me. In the last year he has been deteriorating he has now in respite as the doctors would not release him in my care because he is what they say a dead wieght and I would be unble to lift him as he can longer move from his pelvis down. My delema is he wants me to make all his future desicions for him I was told in the last week the cancer has spread to his  liver, lungs, bone and brain. He is in so much pain I have been able to get hiis doctor to give him morphine. What I would like to know approximatley how long will he have to suffer and how will I know when the end is near as I dont want him to be  alone. Any information would be very appreciated.

 

Hi Kazel I have seen a lot of my family go this way. In 2008 I thought I was going to go down this road but Im fine now because of this I did resurch wanted to make it easer I know now that vitamin C will help if he can tolerate it will make it easyer can you please have a look at the ling and you see what I meanhttp://www.doctoryourself.com/hoffer_cancer_2.html

God bless you both Ray

First of all, thank you so much for helping your friend throught the final phase of his life.  He does not have to suffer in pain.  It's understandable why he's in pain, but the doctors need to correct this.  While he's coherent and able to understand what's going on, you'll need to have him sign a power of attorney over to you.  The hospital should be able to help you with any other paperwork needed for you to take over his affairs.  I don't think he has much more time left.

Sorry you have to watch your friend go through this,

Mark

Thanks so much for replying and your advise. I went to the nurcing home tonight he was unconsious but I sat at his bedside as he was labouring to breath and wiped his head with a wet cloth as he had a fever. I told him that he had nothing to worry about but he had an important job to do and that was to rest and think of everthing he loved, I held him and told him how special he was and loved. about an hour after I left I recived the phone call that my dear friend Dieter had passed away. I miss him so much but I know it would be selfish of me to want him to go through one more moment of pain. I just cant wait for my heart to stop aching. Finaly I emplore anyone who has a loved one near the end to be with them they can hear and feel you thx again

Kazel,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your special friend.  I lost my dad in July of last year to cancer, and my mom 10 years ago to cancer.  It's such an awful disease!  I know how you're feeling...

Thoughts and prayers to you.

DeAnne

thx so much for your reply Im sorrry two hear you had to go through the tragedy of loosing both you parents. I cant imagine the pain you must have gone through. Ypu must be a very strong person with great faith. take good care 

Thank you for your advice, unfortunately his fight for cancer is at an end he passed 9.34pm Wednesday fortunately for me I was there to say  goodbye and let him know how special and loved he was. I'm happy for you and I pray you stay cancer free for the rest of your life. Take good care