But whether that's good or bad isn't yet clear
by missingyoumom on Thu Feb 23, 2012 11:20 PM
I lost my mother Feb 1, 2012, to what the doctor’s say is a rare sarcoma. My mother had surgery to remove this large (small watermelon) mass in her chest on Nov 29, 2011. The surgeon said he had gotten 99% of it. We were all so excited; after all, 99%.....the oncologist did tell us that because they were unable to get 100%, we needed to take her to MD Anderson in Houston because they were the Sarcoma Center. We got her an appointment for Feb 2, 2012, and we were to travel on Feb 1, 2012. My mother continued taking her meds, oxygen tank etc. She was looking forward to her trip for healing, and we had made all arrangements. My mother became sick throwing up on Dec 27, 2011; we rushed her to ER, where she was admitted for dehydration. She was released on New Year’s Eve, 2011. She complained a lot about pain in her chest. Her primary care doctor had x-rays done and treated her for three weeks for pneumonia, changing her prescription each week, thinking the pneumonia was getting worse. Finally they sent her for CT scan which revealed that the tumor that they had just removed 99% of had returned and was even larger than it was on Nov 29, 2011. They immediately said to cancel MD Anderson trip and they would start radiation. She had her first appointment on Jan 20, 2012, to take scans with her first radiation treatment scheduled for Monday, Jan 23, 2012. On Jan 21, 2012, my brother had to call 911 because my mother was having trouble breathing. She stayed a few nights at one hospital and had her transferred to another hospital where her doctors had privileges, but it was all too late. We brought her home and she died Feb 1, 2012, the same day we were to leave for MD Anderson in Houston.
There are absolutely no words to describe my pain, my anger, or the void that has taken over my soul. I just keep asking everyone how we got here. I need to know that she is at peace, and that she doesn’t blame us (her children) for not doing more. She was there for us always, her grandchildren, great-grandchildren, never complaining a day. I need to know that when she needed us the most, we did right by her. My last memories of her conscious she was suffering…pleading with us to help her. This cancer (Sarcoma) destroyed her and the after affects continue as her family is enduring so much pain, and I just don’t know how we got here.
by babaluinle on Fri Feb 24, 2012 12:19 AM
I also lost my mother, and how you feel, there is no way the world does not end, but you must think that life and death are natural, our parents never leave us, will always be with us, a hug, not are alone in this all behind you.
by virginiagal on Fri Feb 24, 2012 01:41 AM
I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom! Reading your post broke my heart. I lost my aunt to lung cancer a few years ago and now we are seeing a cancer specialist for my Mom.
I can not imagine what you are going through loosing a Mother. I wish there was something that I could say or do to help ease your pain and hurt.
Thinking of you and your entire family. You all will be in my prayers
by missingyoumom on Fri Feb 24, 2012 05:31 PM
Thank you both for your kind words. Yes, the world does feel like it's ending. Everyone keeps throwing the word "time" at me. In time you will be okay, it eases in time.....I hate the word time because it's the one thing I don't have with my mom anymore. The entire year 2011 was devasting. Feb 3, 2011, I had bilateral mastectomy due to breast cancer, and my mom was right there with me. I was just finishing my last stage of plastic surgery when she was diagnosed in August and died 2 short days shy of when I had my surgery.
I know they say things happen for a reason, but for the life of me, I just can't seem to figure out what reason an entire year for my family was so devasting.............
by NeenC on Tue Jun 05, 2012 11:46 PM
I lost my Mom on May 26th 2012 to small cell lung cancer. I'm so sorry for your loss and you're right, although I know she's at peace, it doesn't even begin to ease the sorrow and pain I feel. I ache to hold her hand, kiss her and tell her I love her. I can't believe I'll never again hear the sound of her voice or her laugh. I can only hope that what people say is true, that eventually the memories will give me comfort rather than this grief I feel.
by MaddyJade on Tue Jun 19, 2012 03:32 AM
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