Reality hit me HARD

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Reality hit me HARD

by patsyminton on Fri Feb 24, 2012 02:35 AM

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My Mom, Dad and myself were told last Wednesday that this will more than likely be my Dad's last year here with us.....after failed surgeries, chemo and radiation. Everytime something failed.....there was always the next thing to try, now this is the end and reality has slapped me in the face....I'm only 23 and I'm really having a hard time with this. The main things that keep going through my mind is that my Dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding....my Dad won't be there to see my children....they won't know what an amazing man he truly is.

Everyone tries to give me advice and they always say "stay positive." I think that I have to be a positive realist....this is coming whether I like it or not....I just feel myself shutting down everyday and it's hard to hold myself together. Any words of either encouragement or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

RE: Reality hit me HARD

by Johnlathiras on Fri Feb 24, 2012 04:04 AM

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On Feb 24, 2012 2:35 AM patsyminton wrote:

My Mom, Dad and myself were told last Wednesday that this will more than likely be my Dad's last year here with us.....after failed surgeries, chemo and radiation. Everytime something failed.....there was always the next thing to try, now this is the end and reality has slapped me in the face....I'm only 23 and I'm really having a hard time with this. The main things that keep going through my mind is that my Dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding....my Dad won't be there to see my children....they won't know what an amazing man he truly is.

Everyone tries to give me advice and they always say "stay positive." I think that I have to be a positive realist....this is coming whether I like it or not....I just feel myself shutting down everyday and it's hard to hold myself together. Any words of either encouragement or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I really feel the same way about my Mother. She has just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and it bothers me everyday. Moreover my Mother, has decided not to go down the traditional road provided by modern medicine but instead wishes to seek alternative medicine treatments. At this point I have no idea if it is a better solution but I must support her desires.

At this point I need to stay positive despite how hard it has hit me because she needs my help. I think there is a mental aspect to beating this disease so we cannot let them know how hard it is for us, as that produces negative energy that helps no one. We must prey and not give up as we are part of the hope and support they need to feel during these trying times.

RE: Reality hit me HARD

by eastwest on Fri Feb 24, 2012 02:34 PM

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I know you must be aching with anticipated sorrow.  I am so sorry.  It's hard to stay positive with such a diagnosis for your Dad and you and your family.

It may sound trite but try to enjoy each day you have together. I know this disease is like a dark shadow looming overhead. But there is still sunlight. There are still moments for you all to enjoy. Treasure them as much as you can.

My husband Phil passed away last April after a battle with esophageal cancer. We were unable to enjoy large moments like the trip we'd planned for our 40th anniversary but we tried to make the most of those little moments.

This year my cousin (who is like a brother) is struggling with stage 4 prostate cancer. He asked me to meet him down in Florida. I didn't want to go. That was where Phil and I had planned. But I pushed myself and went. It was bittersweet without Phil. Yet the time spent with my cousin is priceless. Once our loved one is gone there is no getting that time back. Hugs   Irene

RE: Reality hit me HARD

by Maria3512 on Thu Mar 15, 2012 02:56 PM

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I know how you feel. 5 months ago my father was told he has 3-6 months left. He died on Sunday. I'm 28 years old and although I'm married with a child I have the same thoughts as you do. He will never see my daughter grow up or see other kids that I will have. He won't be there to celebrate her first birthday. I hope that he can still see where ever he is though. I hope his spirit is still with us. The only advice I can give you, because I was in your shoes so recently is do everything you possibly can with him. If you have trips you want to take, a restaurant he likes to eat in, take him there. Take lots of pictures and videos. That's all I have now and all I keep looking at. When you do have children you will show th these pictures and videos and tell them about their grandfather. I don't know if it's possible for you but I took the last 4 months of his life off from work and spent every day with him. I wish you strength, you will need it. Tell your dad you love him, hold his hand, and spend lots of time with him.

RE: Reality hit me HARD

by SeattlepAUL on Thu Mar 15, 2012 03:16 PM

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Hi, I was used in a Hands-on Clinic for lymphodema Therapists, and was able to tell them how important the Therapy and the Therapists were to my Well-Being.  Just that they were willing to reach out, and touch my diseased body was so very magical, their willingness to teach me to help myself recover, chat with me about life's little things, helped me feel a little more nomal, a little further away from the catastrophe I felt my life had become.   You Care-Givers are the difference between snow bound cabin fever, and a bright, sunny mountain meadow filled with wildflowers.  Never sell your efforts short, YOU are Angels.

God Bless You, as you Bless others

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