Latest messages for CancerCompass discussion http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/message/all,64765,0.htm Wed, 22 May 2013 00:00:00 GMT Wed, 22 May 2013 00:00:00 GMT http://backend.userland.com/rss RSS.NET: http://www.rssdotnet.com/ Please be assured that you have every reason to be angry even furious at your situation and the people that seemly are unloving toward you or sympathatic. I believe God also understands your anger. Cancer sucks! Bottom line. My encouragement is to walk through the anger, but try not to stay there. The enemy would dance for joy if you did.  I've followed your postings for a few months now. I've been so impressed on your selfless ways you encourage others, when you yourself are suffering so. God is using you in powerful ways to bring love and encouragment to others. I admire you and the courage it took to be vunerable and honest with how you are feeling. You were very transparent and real. That too, God is using for others.  I am so sorry you are going through this horrific journey of cancer and pray for more days filled with joy and peace.  ptasa Fri, 23 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT You are absolutely right.  I find it easier to talk it then to walk it on a daily basis. A few days ago I lost a friend.  She, her family, myself and doctors felt that she had the Faith, strength and attitude to beat cancer and follow a path closer to Christ.  She went from great to gone in a week, was only 21 with her whole life in front of her filled with expectations of what is assumed by us as normal. She doesn't have to rely on Hope and Faith anymore, only Peace and Glory, by Christ's side. sedonaskip Thu, 22 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I hear and understand your deep frustration. My prayer for you is peace that surpasses all understanding. Focus on the ONE who loves you the most and will never leave you nor forsake you. He is ALL we need, especially when we are facing the darkest of days. He is the only one who can bring His Light into the darkness. Anger is a normal reaction, but please don't set up camp there for too long. No person can satisfy your deepest need right now, only Jesus can. He loves you and desires for you to rest in Him. I have confidence that the Lord will direct your path as you have shared that you are a believer. As a sister in Christ, my prayers and heart go out to you. May you find that path less traveled.  ptasa Thu, 22 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT hi skipp you crossed my mind today... long time and i havent heard of you... well, i read your post again and again... i think im becomin a bit agressive towars everyone! i couldnt take more! work, house, baby, husband, cancer, everything!!!! i think, maybe i should become sick to get some attention... but as i wrote in an older post, these thought r like blinks, they cross my mind quickly and make them go away quickly also -bcs i have a list of things waiting for me to be done!!! my daughter had fever for z last 3 days, i guess this made things worst... lack of sleep to top everything else!! god forgive please, please, please!! jinane Sun, 18 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT i wish you all the best...im ok,i think... sometimes i get real angry,donnow why and from whom! i have to take care of everything, and everyone... no one to care abt me! but these time end quick, and i have to go back caring abt smthg :) but u know this is human i guess... robert responded good to his first treatment, though he only had 66% of the usual doasge, bcs of his high bilirubin they couldnt give him the full dose. i will send u later on the results... but now what abt u???? info plz!! treatments?? and colitus? jinane Tue, 06 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT How is your husband?  Has he responded well to the treatments?  How are you doing?  You have to reach down, deep inside, to find strength for your family. You must continue to keep it together during this challenging time. I am Praying for a World-wide cure of any disease, just one is all we need to restore our Hope.   sedonaskip Tue, 06 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT hi skipp...mail me plz of what has happened with you wish you all the luck in the world, you r always in my prayers! jinane Tue, 06 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT On Feb 28, 2012 7:58 AM sedonaskip wrote: I don't know the limits of life when faced with a battle where the outcome is statistically addressed with ultimate defeat.  This line in the sand or how high you can climb a mountain has no many different variables that it can't be narrowed down to the last few feet. Inconsistency in health can push someone farther than the other or hold them still, as others pass by, focused conviction not to sway from the beaten path. I have swayed, not wanting to but my current condition lead me down a path less traveled. A path where I'm scared that I can't have chemo for awhile, meanwhile the tumors continue to grow in my lungs.  With all the treatments i've received over the past 2+years, my immune system has allowed me to get an infection in my colon called colitus, it has infected the remainder of my colon.  The treatments are antibiotics, so strong that it rivals chemo, or complete colon removal resulting in a colostomy bag, rendered a waste of time because by the time i have recovered from that procedure the 40+lung nodules will have grown beyond control.  The hurdles I have gone under, over, around and through to get here today seem miniscule. "  A colon resection, no problem, take 12-14 inches, I will cut back on red meat." "A liver resection, no problem, take 40% or more, I don't drink alcohol anyway" "Lung Nodules, 40 or more, no problem, I can still walk, talk and chase my 6 year old girl around the house once or twice, at 45 I wasn't running any marathons".  But now, an easily treatable infection if you don't have stage 4 colon cancer with liver and lung metastisis, it won't be the cancer that takes me afterall, it's colitus.  I'm in need of clinical trials with patients having a depleted bone marrow, does anyone know of any?  I'm going to T-Gen in Scottsdale next week even though my phone conversation left me with my first strike out, 26 more outs to go if you play baseball? I hope I have helped one person in all the years I've been on this site by bringing them Faith, Strength and stories of Inspiration about myself.  My daughter was 3, my son was 15 and my wife still smiled when I'd walk into a room like nothing was wrong.  Now my daughter is 6, son is 17 and headed to college and my wife no longer smiles or has any sympathy or compassion for me, full on denial.  Sigh.............I did the math and have had 791 day gifts since I surpassed my statistical survival goal of 6 months.  At first I cupped my hands to capture the crumbs from the good life, carelessly spilling so much.  Now my cupped hands only have a few bits and pieces that if i held tight with one closed hand, would surely be crushed.  The births and birthdays, anniversaries and holidays, will no longer fill my needs. A few nights ago the pain was so extreme, I called my family together in the kitchen for Prayer, my wife decided it could wait until she finished the dishes, after 10 minutes of standing, when we finally joined hands, I couldn't Pray, I asked to be taken to the hospital, surprisingly I got a disgusted look from my wife and that I'm such a drama queen, my guts were pushing through my old incisions, it looked like the alien movie, I was still a drama queen? Daughter crying, son nearly crying and my wife screaming at me that I exaggerate everything, I walked into my bedroom closet, shut the door and Prayed for God to take away my pain, in minutes my pain resided, then I could walk, then I could face her and tell her that I don't need her kind of help.  I picked up my daughter and "carried' her to my room to calm her down, I told her I was fine now and God made me feel better, she said mom told her I was going to the hospital and she would never get to see me again.  I told her that would be more painful than what I feel in my stomach so I'm staying home. We talked about God and how much we both Love him.  I told her when I'm gone, he would take care of her.  I taught her that if you blow your nose hard that you quit crying, we both did it and then smiled, laughed and wrestled on the bed for a bit. Thank You God, Amen! You could try just Alimta alone once a week, doing what i call Chemo Light once a week for three then one off, as apposed to one on then three off, regular heavy Chemo. Maybe every other week. You might have to sign a waiver, but the doctors only recommend stuff. Alimta works great on me, it seems like it knows exactly where to go into my handfull of Adenocarcenoma Lung Tunmors. I had a patient i knew that took some 18 Alimta treatments and is all clear after stage 4. Ask your doctors if this is an option. Normally no doc will treat you if you have an infection but it's your decision ultimately. Carbo and Alimta are the World Wide Gold Standard now for "Standard of Care" for Lung cancer. Here are all my personal notes: http://liveforeverwithcancer.com/ My Best to You and Your Family John Johnr_1 Thu, 01 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT I want to hug you so bad! You are amazing! ohd1974 Thu, 01 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT could the y90 treatment be used for you?  This is such a difficult fight, I hate it.  Our doctor said once cancer has spread you can't use y90 however I see others that have.  there is a website yes I think where patients discuss it.  Guess another opinion is warranted, think we might ask to see a radiation doctor.  I will be in prayer for you.  As a wife, sometimes I get frustrated too because we wives want to fix everything and we are facing a battle only God can fix.  Pray for your wife, she has the same disease that you have, the worry, prayer, extra work.  livingbyfaith Thu, 01 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT Yes, it is very difficult to pu yourself in others shoes.  Have you spoken to your wife about councelling, my husband wants me to attend.  He was staged a stage 2, but only the oter day they found mets to his liver and the cancer has also spread to his tail bone and pelvis, so we are in for a long battle.  I hope and pray that your wife comes to terms with your situation.  She needs to enjoy you while you are here and love every minute she gets to spend with you.  I am 35 with to small children also, please tell her about me and ask her to contact me on here.  Maybe support from another caregiver in the same position can help her. God Bless, and stay strong.  My prayers are with you and your family. josephine11 Thu, 01 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT I cannot put myself in my wife's shoes.  I am the one with cancer and wouldn't wish it on anyone.  There are times when I need a little sympathy, especially when I'm hurting and sick.  It helps feel that I'm wanted. Maybe my wife feels different than you?  She is still young and deserves a life without the burden of a dying husband.  It could be her way of preparing for me to leave?  Regardless, I'm still here and my children want me to stay.  I'm not a burden on them, they don't need to care for me. I have fought for many days, been sicker than you could imagine and suffered through pain that probably doesn't equal child birth but is continuous, day after day.  Your husband is stage 2, with the proper medical treatment it should be a walk in the park after they control the progression and get his dosage right.  I have seen many patients dance right out the door and living life with a renewed outlook, all positive.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit envious of their good fortune, nonetheless they still had to battle to get to where they are today. I first felt the pain riding in a boat on the 4th of July.  I was lead to believe it could be appendicitus and that I would miss a few days from work, miss work, not me?  In a blink of an eye I missed over 2 years and have trouble remembering that guy water skiing a few years ago.  I think your husband feels helpless, hopeless and burdening.  Make him feel wanted.  He cries and Prays more often than you think, you probably do the same, just don't let him see it unless the moment is supposed to be shared and there are times for that. I wish him the best, every 5 years there is a breakthrough, 5 years at a time isn't bad.  5 years will go quickly when you start looking back.  Skip sedonaskip Thu, 01 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT Hello, Reading your words about the difficulties you are going through made a lump in my throat.  My husband was diagnosed with rectal cancer a few days after Christmas stage 2, now after finally getting him into hospital for treatment he has a few spots on his lungs and they are testing to see if it has reached his tail bone and pelivs as his pain is really bad running down his legs.  I am his wife and he sometimes tells me that I am not helping the situation and I often snap at him.  It's not eays having cancer and it's not easy watching the person you love suffer and the thought that they may leave us hurts, makes me SO angry, angry at the cancer angry at him for getting this damn evil thing, I don't want to be left alone, I don't want our 3 year old twins to have to look to the sky for their daddy, I don't want to miss him every minute I live in this world without him... I hate to see him suffer now, it hurts, hurts so much I would rather take his pain for him.  I am trying to smile, trying so hard... but it isn't easy.  I can understand your wife so well.... please remember that she is hurting also.  I will be praying for you to get over this infection.  Stay strong you can beat this too. Josephine josephine11 Thu, 01 Mar 2012 00:00:00 GMT I don't know the limits of life when faced with a battle where the outcome is statistically addressed with ultimate defeat.  This line in the sand or how high you can climb a mountain has no many different variables that it can't be narrowed down to the last few feet. Inconsistency in health can push someone farther than the other or hold them still, as others pass by, focused conviction not to sway from the beaten path. I have swayed, not wanting to but my current condition lead me down a path less traveled. A path where I'm scared that I can't have chemo for awhile, meanwhile the tumors continue to grow in my lungs.  With all the treatments i've received over the past 2+years, my immune system has allowed me to get an infection in my colon called colitus, it has infected the remainder of my colon.  The treatments are antibiotics, so strong that it rivals chemo, or complete colon removal resulting in a colostomy bag, rendered a waste of time because by the time i have recovered from that procedure the 40+lung nodules will have grown beyond control.  The hurdles I have gone under, over, around and through to get here today seem miniscule. "  A colon resection, no problem, take 12-14 inches, I will cut back on red meat." "A liver resection, no problem, take 40% or more, I don't drink alcohol anyway" "Lung Nodules, 40 or more, no problem, I can still walk, talk and chase my 6 year old girl around the house once or twice, at 45 I wasn't running any marathons".  But now, an easily treatable infection if you don't have stage 4 colon cancer with liver and lung metastisis, it won't be the cancer that takes me afterall, it's colitus.  I'm in need of clinical trials with patients having a depleted bone marrow, does anyone know of any?  I'm going to T-Gen in Scottsdale next week even though my phone conversation left me with my first strike out, 26 more outs to go if you play baseball? I hope I have helped one person in all the years I've been on this site by bringing them Faith, Strength and stories of Inspiration about myself.  My daughter was 3, my son was 15 and my wife still smiled when I'd walk into a room like nothing was wrong.  Now my daughter is 6, son is 17 and headed to college and my wife no longer smiles or has any sympathy or compassion for me, full on denial.  Sigh.............I did the math and have had 791 day gifts since I surpassed my statistical survival goal of 6 months.  At first I cupped my hands to capture the crumbs from the good life, carelessly spilling so much.  Now my cupped hands only have a few bits and pieces that if i held tight with one closed hand, would surely be crushed.  The births and birthdays, anniversaries and holidays, will no longer fill my needs. A few nights ago the pain was so extreme, I called my family together in the kitchen for Prayer, my wife decided it could wait until she finished the dishes, after 10 minutes of standing, when we finally joined hands, I couldn't Pray, I asked to be taken to the hospital, surprisingly I got a disgusted look from my wife and that I'm such a drama queen, my guts were pushing through my old incisions, it looked like the alien movie, I was still a drama queen? Daughter crying, son nearly crying and my wife screaming at me that I exaggerate everything, I walked into my bedroom closet, shut the door and Prayed for God to take away my pain, in minutes my pain resided, then I could walk, then I could face her and tell her that I don't need her kind of help.  I picked up my daughter and "carried' her to my room to calm her down, I told her I was fine now and God made me feel better, she said mom told her I was going to the hospital and she would never get to see me again.  I told her that would be more painful than what I feel in my stomach so I'm staying home. We talked about God and how much we both Love him.  I told her when I'm gone, he would take care of her.  I taught her that if you blow your nose hard that you quit crying, we both did it and then smiled, laughed and wrestled on the bed for a bit. Thank You God, Amen!  sedonaskip Tue, 28 Feb 2012 00:00:00 GMT