But whether that's good or bad isn't yet clear
by sanjim on Tue Mar 06, 2012 07:25 PM
Hi all, I got home yesterday from my Aunts funeral, I did stay a few days more to visit with family and friends, I am the one that moved 1000 miles away. this was the first time I flew by myself in many years. I did OK going to the funeral. I put on my happy face and went on.
Today is a difficult day, Jim died on March 6th last year, I have cried several times today already, I guess I am learning to live without him, but sometime I drag my feet a little. I just miss him so very much, I feel that a part of me died also. Why dose it have to hurt so much?
Thank you all of my CC friends you are here for me when I need you! Sandra :(
by eastwest on Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:40 PM
Sandra Warm thoughts going out to you today. Sorry I am a day late. I am glad you were able to get to your aunt's funeral and visit with family and friends. This learning to live without our husband sure is nOT easy. Hugs irene
by tpatterson on Thu Mar 08, 2012 08:35 PM
Hi Sandra. I am thinking of you & hoping today is a little better than yesterday and the day before. It is SO difficult to live without our husbands. A part of us DID die. All our hopes and dreams for growing old together. The places we'd hoped to see together. When I'm feeling very down, I try to think about how very blessed I was for God to have created JP for me for 30 years. I work with so many people who are in unhappy marriages or marriages that are just 'ok' but not much else. JP and I had almost 30 years of incredible friendship. I learned so much from him. I know you and Jim were very close and every day was good because you enjoyed each other's company. That's why it hurts so much. We lost something magical that many (maybe most) people don't ever experience. Having had them is proof of God's love for US. That thought always makes me feel better.
We are all here in this together, we women with battered hearts. With encouragement, faith, and friendship, we WILL find joy again one day. I BELIEVE! Big hug and prayers. Tina (wife of JP. dx nsclc 9/10 - Angel 9/11)
by sanjim on Fri Mar 09, 2012 01:03 AM
Hi Tina, Thank you for your encouragement, hug and prayers. Like you said a part of us died also. I am trying to find the new me, the one who goes places that we would always be together. I have joined a church a few months ago, God sent a Pastor to me when I really needed one, the way we met I know God sent him to me,I met him in a bowling alley,for the first time my son joined a bowling league, Pastor Tim was also on the league, he has told me that his wife tried to talk him out of bowling this year because of a surgery that he had, he said he felt he had to bowl this year, after talking to him several times he invited my son and I to church. I went to his church and it has changed my life. Who knew God would come into my life in a bowling alley? The people of this church are great, they are all like family. Pastor Tim has taken my son under his wing (my son has a lot medical and mental problems) he is now helping with the youthh group and foes to bible study). I Thank God for sending Paster Tim to me dailey. Joining the church keeps my mind busy, I am learing to deal with the loss of my soul mate, I know we will be together again, when God says the time is right,
Thank you for being here for me, it means a lot to me knowing that someone is there, I BELIEVE, You are in my prayers and hugs, Sandra
by sanjim on Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:23 PM
Irene. Thank you thinking of me, the visit with family and friends was good, they all are trying to get me to move back to West Virginia or Pennsylvania, my sister and her husband want me to move in with them,(when I got to Pittsburgh, I was having trouble walking, I walked through 3 airport and it did make my knees very sore, I did not want to bother with a wheelchair ride, I did take the wheelchair ride on my return flight), my friend want me to move into her house, she has a 2 bedroom apt. in her home, I told them for now I want to stay were I am. I need to be here, I feel Jim is here wiith me, he loved this place so much, I love this place also, I now have 10 baby goats, I love to watch the kids play.
Has anybody ever told you that they see Phil with you? At my Aunts funeral a friend said when I walked in Jim was behind me. I know I feel close to him when I am home, because he loved this place and I see things that was his, remembering when he was here and wishing he was here.
you are so right it is sure not easy living with our soul mates, one day at a time, hugs Sandra
by eastwest on Sat Mar 10, 2012 01:22 PM
Hi Sandra My neighbor, who is what some would term a "sensitive" to spirits, says Phil remains close to me. She sees him walking in the yard and in the house. He inferred to her the other day that I can take the duct tape around the trees to stop the gypsy moths down. I said tell him to come back and do it! LOL
I told her that the other night I heard him say my name. Almost like he was kneeling beside me and whispered it in my ear. I sat bolt upright. Not scared, but certainly amazed.That night, prior to that happening, I kept smelling his aftershave. (That happens fairly frequently)
That evening someone who I thought was my best friend for the last 12 years said I had changed these past months and she no longer wanted to remain friends as I was not meeting her needs. Admittedly I have changed. How could I not? I was determined to try and let things move forward with the least amount of pain so i went out and found a table for the fish tank I am in process of doing. I found a table that had all this great space for storing CD's and tapes. As i condensed them yesterday I found a tape Phil made for me for Valentine's day 1993! Then when i was moving the new table into the spot I had my sewing cabinet the sudden memory came of how Phil bought that for me for our second or 3rd anniversary all those years ago. I felt swept by these things. Like they were such a blessing. There were tears but a lot of them were joyful.
I feel as though he is very close to me right now and that is a comfort. The other thing was that about 2 months ago i lost a ring I wear often. Looked for it everywhere. I told my neighbor to ask Phil where it was. Well yesterday doing the fish tank I had to move a chair and it was underneath it! I think Phil has gotten me to do this fish tank and all these other things just fell into place.
It would be difficult for me to move as we have lived here since 1974. But I think if it is right time we will know it within. And we take the memories with us if we do leave the material things behind. Irene
by JackieJo on Sun Mar 11, 2012 12:03 AM
Hi dear friends....
Sandra...I'm so sorry that I missed posting to you on the one year anniversary of your husbands passing. What a difficult day for you that must have been. Please know that even though I don't post as often as I want to.... you are always in my thoughts and daily prayers.
Irene...OK!! I'm going to come clean with something that my 2 daughters, my granddaughter and I did 3 weeks ago. I didn't mention it before because I was afraid that you would think I've lost my mind. After reading your post I feel like I want to share this with all of your here. A close friend of mine, Eileen, passed away Dec 10, 2011 of lung cancer. Her family went to a well known spiritual medium named Patti Sinclair a few weeks after Eileen's death. The medium happens to live here in CT about an hour and a half from where I live. During the reading the medium told Eileens sister and family that she was with a friend in heaven by the name of Joe who had died in July 2011. That was my husband!!! Eileen said that her and Joe were healed and happy and hanging out together. Eileen's family contacted me and told me what Patti had said. I was shocked. The medium had no way of knowing about Joe or when he died. I had never even met Patti at that point. I immediately set up for a reading. Patti Sinclair has studied under John Edwards and a couple of other nationally know mediums. We went to see Patti on Feb 18th. I didn't want to set myself up for any let downs so I went with an open mind that maybe Joe wouldn't come through. The reading was suppose to be an hour long but ended up lasting almost 2 hours because Joe was very talkative and monopolized almost the whole session. I was so thrilled that he stayed around so long. I left there feeling so comforted by the fact that Joe communicated so much with us. There were numerous things that came through that Patti had no way of knowing. There was one question that she asked me that blew us away. Patti asked "whats the significance of the christmas cactus". I almost passed out. Joe had a christmas cactus that he had already had for years when I met him. He babied that cactus and took great care of it. He had it in his work office for about 2 years and after Joe died one of his co workers offered to clean out his office for me. I was way to distraught to do it myself. I told her that the co workers could have all of the plants in Joe's office except the christmas cactus. I don't have a green thumb and usually kill plants but knowing how much Joe loved that cactus I knew that I couldn't give it away. In December the cactus bloomed like nothing I have ever seen before. It was loaded with gorgeous red flowers. My family and I were amazed and decided that it must have been some sort of sign from Joe. I was so disappointed when the buds died but at least the cactus itself was thriving. I was under the impression that christmas cactus only bloom once a year. Well after our reading with Patti within days it started blooming again!!! No doubt in my mind that was Joe's doing. So now its filled with budding red flowers for the second time in 3 months! Anyway Patti had no way of knowing any of this but yet here she was asking about its significance. There were so many other things that she told us but I think you all get the idea. I now truly believe that there are some people that can communicate with family members that have passed over. There is no doubt in my mind that Patti is one of them. For weeks leading up to the reading I asked Joe to let me know he was really there by telling me something that Patti would have no way of knowing and that's exacty what he did with bringing up the christmas cactus! Joe told me how much he loved me and our family and that he's healthy, healed and happy. His father and our dog Casey who passed away 2 years before Joe were there to greet him when he passed through the light. Patti's reading has brought me so much peace and comfort but I'm still having lots of episodes of crying and missing Joe. I just had to share this experience with all of you. So yes I truly believe that our hubbys are still around us...we just can't see them.
I continue to hold you all close to my heart and in my daily prayers. The pain and hurting we are going through is like a never ending nightmare. I just want us all to be able to find peace, strength and comfort. Someday we will be reunited with our loved ones but until then know that they are watching over us from above.
Love, Hugs and Continuing Prayers
by JackieJo on Sun Mar 11, 2012 12:09 AM
Hi Tina...You are so right...a part of all of us died when our husbands did. I would give anything to be able to turn back the clock to when Joe and I first met. I'm sure you can all relate to that. Yes we truly are women with battered hearts. I pray for peace and joy for all of us as we continue to walk lifes path without our beloved husbands. Just the thought of living on without Joe breaks my heart.
Love you dear friend
Hugs and Prayers
by tpatterson on Mon Mar 19, 2012 06:25 PM
Hello Irene, Sandra, and JackieJo. It always does my heart good to read your incredible insights and words of encouragement and wisdom. Sandra, your story of how you met your pastor at the bowling alley, and the difference he has made in your life just proves that Our Lord is with us at all times. He made that happen. No doubt about it! (I am reminded of that scene in "Arthur" with Dudley Moore, when his butler described Arthur's new girlfriend, Liza Minnelli, as "the kind of person you'd meet at a BOWLING alley." lol The people we need enter into our lives when we least expect it. All the elements had to be in place for that event to happen. And Irene, it's incredible that you occasionally smell Phil's aftershave or hear his whisper in your ear. WOW! My signs seem less personal...the light being on in my curio cabinet or finding a heart shaped rock on the beach last week. I SO believe they are around us all the time. I do meditate and pray, all in an attempt to try to be more sensitive and just maybe receive a sign such as a whisper or a smell. JackieJo, your story just made me feel so validated!!Yes, your Joe was responsible for your cactus flowers! I used to watch John Edwards, and I think he has an incredible gift. How wonderful for you to have received such a clear and loving message from Joe. He IS healthy and happy again, just as God promised us we all will be when our time comes. And our beloved husbands will be there to greet us and welcome us! It was very comforting to hear your experience. It reaffirms all our souls that they are waiting for us and are around us always. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal experience. All of you are incredibly loving individuals. It is apparent why your marriages were so successful and your heartbreak so deep. Blessings, Tina.
by eastwest on Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:10 AM
Hi Tina I find it reassuring, even in my sadness, to think of Phil's spirit being nearby. That he has the whole picture of things now. Sadly It doesn't replace his physical presence. And I guess some would think it anti religious to think this way. But I don't believe God wants to see us unhappy. I am sure he wants us to be comforted.
Back in 2002 after reading Feathers Brush My Heart by Sinclair Lewis I started finding feathers in strange places. People thought me weird when I told them until it happened to them after they lost a loved one and they would ask me How did it get there and from where did it come? I have no clue. I just believe. After the aunt who did the majority of raising me passed 3 yrs ago I started seeing 506 a lot of places. Well that was our address when I was little and it felt as though she was sending me a bit of love. My older son sees triple didgit numbers like 1:11 etc which we read this weekend that it is a sign from heavens. I think signs come in ways that we will personally understand.
Phil's best friend keeps finding fresh banana peels when he is about to go fishing.(on a trail with noone else around, under the cover of another fisherman's boat) It has freaked him out. Phil always took a banana with him and then would toss the peel away either in the woods or lake and his friend would hollar and Phil would say it just returns to nature. Irene
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