My Marriage is Falling Apart

So, I am done with Cancer.  I won for now. But, in it's aftermath, what I have left is... Well, I feel like a different person. My husband thinks I am different.  I just got married less than 2 years ago to who I thought was my best friend.  He is a good man.

So, in the middle of Chemo, he moved to Portland and started a business with his brother.  That was fine, he was going to build a bright future..... fast forward a little.  I am in Portland, done with Chemo and finding myself contemplating divorce.  Not a pleasant thought.

On Apr 04, 2012 1:53 AM disheveledblond wrote:

So, I am done with Cancer.  I won for now. But, in it's aftermath, what I have left is... Well, I feel like a different person. My husband thinks I am different.  I just got married less than 2 years ago to who I thought was my best friend.  He is a good man.

So, in the middle of Chemo, he moved to Portland and started a business with his brother.  That was fine, he was going to build a bright future..... fast forward a little.  I am in Portland, done with Chemo and finding myself contemplating divorce.  Not a pleasant thought.

Hi

Thank You for writting, you have come to a community that will love and support you as long as you need it.

What you are facing is very common. I deal with thousands of cancer patients and my nephew is in exactly the same prediciment you are but his marriage is comming back after three years of one big mess. I don't know what kind of Cancer you have but one half of all Breast Cancer's result in divorce.

So what can be done. There are a few things to start:

-- Your husband needs to understand that Cancer is a Chronic condition like bad Rumatoid Arthritus and it can come and go. And if you stay on top of it like lots of us do it will just become part of life. It may recurr but you keep knocking git down.

-- If you have finished your treatment you will bounce back after three to 5 months and will be as good as new.

-- I would fing a St Peregrine (the patron Saint of Cancer Patients) Chapel somewhere near you. If not a nice Church. Take hime there for 15 min every week and just sit and be at peace with your head on his sholder and tell him you love him.

-- The American Cancer Society has free wigs and makeup classes. Make sure you are always looking really good, makup, nails done, dressed nice, etc.

-- Start over dating, regularly every fri night, dinner and a movie.

-- Get into counceling if you have to.

My wife developed severe Rumatoid Arthritus right after my son was borne, we were married 9 years. So i got her to move to Phoenix for her health. Then after we were married 30 years i got Lung Cancer. Now i am a 4 time Survivor after 12 years. We are married 45 years now going on 46.

Please keep writting. Here are all my personal notes:

http://liveforeverwithcancer.com/

http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Raslavsky-III/1000024732

My LFWC Facebook Link

My Very Berst to You

John

Hi Kristin,

I am glad you are through with your chemo.  I hope you will not ever have to go there again. Please keep up with your labs and scans.

Cancer is such a monster that comes in and tries to rob us of everything we have.  It definitely changes us in every way.  My  doctor put me on Celexa for my nerves and it made such a dramatic change in my life, it felt like the ton of bricks was lifted off of me and I saw things through a different vision.  All of that..........and my darling husband kept telling me every thing was going to be OK!  I have been off of chemo for a little over two years.  We are both 74 years old and will be married 56 years in June.

I hate to hear your marriage is in danger.  It is not surprising, you probably are a different person, it is hard to be told 'you have cancer' without it making you 'different'.  That is why I suggested the medication.  All husbands do not know how to handle sickness, maybe it is how they were raised, maybe they are just selfish, etc. maybe they just flat don't know any difference........but, if the roles were turned, they would soon find out how unbearable they had been!

It is of most importance that you get to feeling better and taking better care of yourself............you need to do everything to boost your immune system............don't let 'these  thoughts of divorce' cause you to be down with cancer again.

Keep a positive attitude, stay strong in mind, body and soul. Have hope and faith for brighter days ahead.

When you are feeling better, plan some outings for you and your husband and talk things out and try to re-light the glow in your friendship and marriage.

Please remember..........Beauty comes from within!

Prayers and blessings,

B

On Apr 04, 2012 1:53 AM disheveledblond wrote:

So, I am done with Cancer.  I won for now. But, in it's aftermath, what I have left is... Well, I feel like a different person. My husband thinks I am different.  I just got married less than 2 years ago to who I thought was my best friend.  He is a good man.

So, in the middle of Chemo, he moved to Portland and started a business with his brother.  That was fine, he was going to build a bright future..... fast forward a little.  I am in Portland, done with Chemo and finding myself contemplating divorce.  Not a pleasant thought.

So sorry to hear this, but YOU will be fine. Gosh, I'm learning so much in journey against cancer....finding strength I never thought I had! We can get through any situation! It's tough, but it's possible.

I'm here if you need a friend.

Savvygirl

Oh, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with problems in your marriage after struggling with cancer. I'm sure you must be feeling pretty overwhelmed with this situation, and I doubt this was how you pictured your husband reacting to your health battle! 

As far as advice goes, I'm not sure of all the ins and outs of what happended that led you and your husband to this point and why exactly you're contemplating divorce. But, have you two ever considered talking with a counselor? I'm sure you've probably felt like you've had your share of doctors, etc, but I think that can really make a difference in a marriage.

Also, I came across and article athttp://bit.ly/HMGhwf andhttp://bit.ly/HVhoin tha seemed like it addressed some of what you're dealing with in your marriage. Not sure if they'll be of help, but might not hurt to check them out. Well, hang in there and know someone's thinking of you and praying for you out there! ((Hugs))

Mine happened 6 months after myself and my wife wed.  She has been a champ thru it all.  She just had a Hysterictomy because of Cervical cancer.   Like yours, ours is gone for now.  Unfortunately I know of alot of people that cannot handle it because they belive you will die any day and that is not necessarly true.  Stay strong.  Consuling helps alot.