Hi Mrs. Green and Mrs. Wife!
Nervous is most likely an understatement - frightened is probably closer to the truth. Cancer is an incredibly terrifying word - but as you can read here from the veterans, current patients, and caregivers, cancer is a disease that's treatable. And that's the plan for your husbands and we plan to help you get thru.
But your roles are not to just stand by - you are a critical part of the healthcare team since you'll be closest to the "patient". Your observations and your opinions are most important - it's going to be difficult, as strong as your husbands are, for them to do much self assessment. That's where the role of "caregiver" comes in - actually, it should be more "care provider".
It's not something you're necessarily prepared for - and your husbands probably aren't well prepared to be cancer patients. As I've often said - this ain't the flu and the doc ain't gonna clear this up in ten days with a shot. It's going to take time - a day at a time, a month at a time.
Follow ChrisMD's lead above - he has some great suggestions. Stay on top of your husbands' nutrition, pain mangement, and communication with the doctors. When they do their followups as they're going to treatment, try to be there to take notes and express your observations. My wife was with me all the way - and this was not a woman that handled even simple medical emergencies well. It's amazing how a sense of purpose can marshall your strongest forces.
Ask for help yourself - if you have a network of family and friends, let them pitch in - maybe with trips to the supermarket, transportation to treatment, maybe even a cooked meal or two. If people ask if there's anything they can do, tell 'em. Here's what you need.
Make notes and take notes. Write down questions and make sure they get asked of the doctor. And make sure you get answers. If they don't respond with what you need, don't leave the exam room or hang up the phone call until they do.
Keep an eye on side effects - there will be to a greater or lesser degree than the folks here experienced. But don't be hesitant about bringing attention to the issues. Some may be generally anticipated - but the degree will be unique to your husband. If you're worried, express it. And don't ever let anybody minimize your concern.
We'll do our best to guide you along the way. But the medical advice and guidance should come from the physicians - we can't and shouldn't diagnose here. But - we can provide you the support you need with some solid patient experience.
You've got a bit of a road and it's been well traveled. But you will get thru.
Onward we all go - hoping for a continued recovery for your husbands and long lasting health to follow!
- Jeff