My sister is not doing well and I am so overwhelmed

I am so sad, my sister has been battling bone cancer (mets from stage 4 breast cancer)  She has always been there for me and always protected me.  Now I am afraid, she has lost a lot of weight in last two weeks, chemo was stopped weeks ago due to kidney failure.  She told me she fell last night and was in the worst pain she ever felt in her life and she NEVER complains.  I fear tomorrow, when we see her oncologist will be the day they admit her to paliative care.  I just can't believe the day is coming.  My life will never be the same without her.  She is like a Mother to me, only 58 years old and the kindest loving person I have ever met.  My Mum has dementia and so in last 5 years my sister has really stepped up and helped me cope with all the health issues I have been dealing with.  I don't even think I will sleep tonight, I'm thinking of getting my son to drive me to her place and I will stay overnight because I am afraid she won't make it through the night, it broke my heart to leave her today but I had to pick up my husband from work & we only have one car.  It's just not fair, I hate cancer and I am SO angry.  I lost my Dad 2 years ago to bone cancer and another sister has Non Hodgkins lymphoma and I have MGUS.  I don't know anymore.  If there is a God please take her before she suffers any more.  She had a stroke and went blind in one eye and broken arms, its just too much for anyone to have to endure.  I just needed to say this, I just needed to.  God bless everyone who has cancer, has lost someone to cancer and who is going through final stages like my poor dear sweet sister. 

Oh how my heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry. I hate cancer too. My dad age 59 has stage 4 cancer. It's unbearable. Sometimes I think a sudden death would be easier to deal with then watching your loved one slip away. Just remember God is always with you, we simply just don't understand why things happen this way. It's certainly not fair.

Hi Daddysgirl,  I like your name :)  I am so sorry about your Dad.  I will pray for him.  I can't even imagine what your Dad and my Sister are thinking.  My sister lived long enough to see both her baby grandchildren born and that was God's Blessing.  Spend precious time with him, for those are the memories that will last you through the rest of your life XO

Katherine

Hey again, My Dad was just diagnosed a month ago so this is all still new to us. He's giving chemo a try just for palliative care. But wow it's torture watching him slowly fade away from the chemo. He wasn't even sick prior to the chemo. Your sister sounds amazing. Is she at peace with the end near? I just pray my Dad is when the time comes. He seems scared right now and it's heart breaking. Praying! Melody

On Apr 26, 2012 2:29 AM Daddysgirl75 wrote:

Hey again, My Dad was just diagnosed a month ago so this is all still new to us. He's giving chemo a try just for palliative care. But wow it's torture watching him slowly fade away from the chemo. He wasn't even sick prior to the chemo. Your sister sounds amazing. Is she at peace with the end near? I just pray my Dad is when the time comes. He seems scared right now and it's heart breaking. Praying! Melody

Hi there, My dad was just diagnosed a little over a month ago too. He has PC and had an unsuccessful surgery to remove the tumor but it had spread to far for removal. My dad is probably scared too but he keeps saying I don't want to die now but I know where I am going and have lived a great life. You are so right I am sooo heartbroken and it is killing me inside . I stay strong when I am with him and then breakdown and have become depressed . My dad is too weak now for chemo and I also fear this will bring him to the end sooner. We promised my dad he will never be in pain and will take care of my mom. I will pray that your dad finds some peace in all of this and you find the strength to cope as well. God be with you all

I hope that today my message finds you calmer.

This terrible journey that you are travelling with your sister , family and yourself is horrific.

I wish that there were words of encouragement and cure that we could give you - but they are the same as all of us are having to do.... Which is to stay calm, supportive and focused...try not to panic.

Core sadness and panic are normal feelings to be feeling going through this terrible time - deep breathes and being there for your loved one is all you can do.

Try not to show them your fear and panic - try to show them just your love, understanding and support, or it will panic them.

Our lives will never be the same without them - but let her know your life has been so much richer with her being in it and that you have felt loved and love her so much.

My thoughts are with you - stay strong for her and yourself and make sure her pain is managed - which will make the final stages more bearable for her and you xxx

Hello Everyone,  I am still doing everything I can for my sister.  Unfortunately she is not in peace, she is in an abusive relationship, facing eviction and waiting for emergency housing.  I was able to negotiate an agreement with the courts to allow her to stay in her apartment until we get another one for her but I am not sure she will even reach that day.  We only have to give 10 days notice not 60 due to her condition.  I took her to the hospital to have a full body CT scan and then to lawyer to sign her will and when I was helping her into the car she fell.  I tried to break her fall but I hurt my shoulder/neck and back.  I have Mgus, Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and not strong myself.  I called upon a Delivery man to lift her up into the car & I took her home.  I was so scared to take her out for lunch because I feared she would fall again and really hurt or break her weak bones.  This Thursday will be very important as the Oncologist will let us know why she is having the neuropathy and if the cancer has spread beyond the bones. 

I find myself bursting into tears for no reason.  I am trying so hard to be strong in front of her but my mind is screaming this isn't fair, I need my sister, I don't want to say goodbye, I'm not ready to do this, please give me more time!!!!  We lost our Father to prostate cancer 2 years ago and we got through it together.  My sister is my "go to girl" and I can't go to her for this...I feel so alone and afraid and it's not even me that's going through this!  Then I feel guilty for being selfish in wanting her to stay with me.  I have two other sisters who don't even bother to lift a hand to help.  They are mean and rude and only think of themselves and I cannot turn to them.  My Mother has dementia and she is struggling with this too but often forgets what I have told her.  I also think it is a coping mechanism for her to forget so she doesn't feel the pain of loosing a daughter so soon after her husband.  My husband tries to comfort me and my kids have been amazing sources of strength.  I hate it when people tell me I am a good sister and what would she do without me to help her.  I am doing this because I love her and I don't want praise because she would be doing this for me if the roles were reversed, that's just what sisters who love eachother do. 

I am resting this week, taking time to reflect and collect myself.  I think I already know the answer we will be given this Thursday, she may have weeks, a month but every day I am going to make sure she knows how much I love her.

Update:  My Sister passed away May 19th, 2012.  It was sooner than expected, she was getting worse but unfortunately an series of events (Her boyfriend getting arrested) the stress of it all caused her a brain bleed and she passed away the next day.  I have been so distraught I haven't been able to come on and post because it was so painful.  I want to thank everyone who supported me and I also would like to say I am here for anyone who is in same situation.  Loosing a sibling is the hardest thing in the whole world.  She is in a better place and can no longer be abused.  I hope this guy spends time in jail for the way he made my Sister's life a living hell in the last few years and months of her life. 

Hi Katherine,

I am so sorry about your sister passing away. 

I pray God will give you peace and comfort in knowing she is not suffering anymore from the cancer and that she is no longer in an abusive relationship.

It is time now to relax and take care of Katherine.

Prayers and blessings,

B

Hello Katherine,

I couldn't help but be touched by your posts regarding your sister, as you echoed my feelings so well.

My sister, 53 and 3 years younger is battling Pancreatic Cancer and I am trying to stay strong for her.

We were adopted when I was 7 and she 4, and then our parents were killed in an auto accident when my sister was 14.  I haven't always been there for her like I should have but for many years now we are best friends.

I can't imagine my life without her and cry everytime I think about it.  I feel helpless when she cries in pain and needs comforting.

She says to me "I don't want to die."  And I have no idea what to say.  My thoughts just keep screaming that it isn't fair.

She volunteers most of her time to feeding and helping the homeless, lives alone and can barely make her mortgage payment.  She has kids her are often a help but sometimes just disappear to live their lives.  I get angry sometimes with them but know I shouldn't.  It doesn't help that I live 3 hours away.

I often feel selfish for wanting her to have treatments that she doesn't want to have because I don't want her to leave.

She was in the hospital all last week with yet to be diagnosed symptoms but they suspect the cancer has grown and quickly.

I am so sorry for your loss and understand the overwhelming sense of sadness. 

Thank you for sharing your story.

Alethea