Making decisions

I held off for a year making any really major decisions. Off course even some of the smaller ones seen come back to bite me. Like my younger son asking me a week ago where his dad's baseball caps are. Phil must have had at least 20 from many teams over the years. Many collected dust.As i donated  a lot of clothing the past few months I donated them too. I did ask both sons if they wanted clothing. The older son took some Flyers things but the younger just said "We'll talk about it." So I knew he couldn't really handle it. Frankly he rarely comes by the house because he can't handle that dad is not here. But I still have to live here! And I've thought if something happens to me our sons will have a lot of stuff to get rid of. I've gotten rid of fishing magazines from 2003! and tax papers from the 80's.

 I am making 2 larger decisions right now. Phil and I always talked about getting a deck. We never agreed on where it would be placed. So I made that decision and the materials are ordered and our older son is going to build it for me in the next month. It won't be Phil and me sitting on it but I've already invited two friends who have been so very supportive of me this past year to come enjoy a relaxing afternoon or evening. I look forward to that.

The other decision is in getting a new vehicle. Phil had said we should get one so we could travel. That didn't happen and I put off the idea til now. Monday I am going to a couple dealerships with quotes. My one friend is driving me so if I find the car I like I can bring it home. Had lots of input as to what Make I should get from my sons and now I feel the ultimate decision is in my sweaty hands. I'd like a sporty little thing but since I have 2 four legged children it looks like my needs run to a bit larger like a Rav 4. I figure if I have the room for them we can just pick up and go at will. I don't know if these decisions are right but I am going with them and trying my best to move forward a little. Irene

Good for you making some decisions that will best meet your needs.. God has a plan for all of us.. we have to keep moving forward..I am not where you are, regardless I know the best gift we can give to ourself is to love the Lord and with him all things are possible....

Have a great day

Hi Irene.

Im so sorry that you have lost someone so dear. (My Mum is very ill at present)

Good on you for carrying on with the dreams you made together.

I have a 4 legged child - and yes the Rav 4 sounds better!

A little white lie could be in order here - could you not buy one of the caps your husband had and tell your son that you found one somewhere? A little white lie might mean the world to him - just a thought!!

Good Luck and Take Care of You xx

Hi Irene.  All of your plans sound great.  A new deck and a new vehicle.  You are making the most of every day, and Phil is smiling.  How nice to have a deck to sit on which to sit outside with a cup of coffee or some refreshing tea.  JP and I had planned on putting in wood floors, so that is something I am saving for.  I know he'd approve.  Like you said, we have to live here, so we might as well make our surroundings please us.  The Rav 4s are nice.  I've had my Toyota for 14 years (Land Cruiser) and I can't part with her.  She has 160K miles and has never once let me down.  JP talked about me getting a new vehicle a couple of years ago, but I just can't let her go, and I certaintly can't have her just sit out there not being driven.  I still have JP's truck, which I also can't part with....so I'm stuck in limbo at the moment.  The Rav 4 is perfect for you and your 4 legged children.  reliable and safe.  Don't you think that having a new vehicle will be good because there aren't any memories?  Everything about it is new.  I thought maybe it would be good for me emotionally to trade in both of my vehicles on 1 new one and start making new memories. 

So happy for you, Irene.  Know your deck is going to look great, and you'll love driving something new and different.

Hugs and prayers..Tina

Hi Irene....I'm so happy that you are moving forward and having that new deck built like you and Phil had planned. As for the Rav4....I think that will be a perfect vehicle for you and your 4 legged children! The Toyotas are really reliable and the Rav4 is no exception. I just know that Phil is smiling down from above and is so very proud of you. It's so hard to move on without our husbands and loved ones by our side but its very necessary in order to get on with life. Phil will always be by your side and the pain of his loss will be in your heart forever but they say it will get easier to cope as time goes on. I'm still waiting for that to happen for me but I know in time it will. Moving forward is not something we want to do...it's something we have to do...we have no choice. I try to remind myself that Joe is watching over me and would want me to get on with my life. To be honest right now I'm not doing a good job of that but seeing how far you've come gives me so much hope that I too can eventually do it. Love you dear friend. Cancer Compass and friends like you have helped me in more ways then you know. Sadly only those of us who have been through this can fully understand the nightmare we are living.

Love, Hugs and Continuing Prayers

JackieJo

I take comfort in your post for it reminds me that God does have a plan for me/us. With the love of God and the caring and compassion of all of you here on CC I am praying that I/we soon find the light at the end of this horrific tunnel. I will never stop loving Joe or missing what we had together but that's gone now. As much as it hurts we all have to find our own way back into life. Throughout every thing that has happended...Joe's diagnosis and 9 months later his death...I have never lost my faith in our Lord. I have asked God "why" a million times but I still trusted in Him and know that He has a plan for me. May God have mercy on all of us.

Love, Hugs and Continuing Prayers

JackieJo

Hi busiwork...I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. I will be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.

Love and hugs

JackieJo

Hi Tina... I agree...it's so hard to let go of personal possessions that belonged to our husbands. I find I'm able to do it a little at a time. I think getting new wood floors like you and JP had planned is a wonderful idea! As for getting rid of your Toyota and JP's truck...don't rush it. Your heart will let you know when the time is right. Being stuck in limbo is an awful feeling and one that I can relate so well to, but if you rush it then you may have regrets in the future. You'll know when you're ready.

Love, Hugs and Continuing Prayers

JackieJo

JackieJo.  Always so good to hear your words of comfort and wisdom.  I think you are right about not rushing getting rid of JP's things.  I guess I am not making any progress on that front because even the thought of moving his clothing from closet to baskets on a shelf makes me cry.  JP has so many polo shirts and work shirts and cowboy boots and jackets.  He had two closets!! My students wanted to see JP's shark boots, and I thought I could bring them in, but just getting them out of the closet and putting them in my truck brought tears, so I told my children maybe next year.  What a wuss! 

JackieJo, did Joe's illness come right out of the blue?  In his picture, he looks so healthy.  Did the chemo work for a while? Was he a candidate for surgery?  JP's illness was a shock, but as I look back, there were taletell signs that something was up.  We just attributed (rationalized) that it was just him getting older.  He, unfortunately, was not a candidate for surgery as he was stg. 4 from the git go.  He fought bravely for a year.  It's just so hard to not think about that last year when I so desperately want to forget that and think about the healthy 28 years together. 

Like Irene says, we have to fake it till we make it...so let's keep on faking it.  One day we might be surprised to realize we've made it.  Prayers and blessings. Tina