Just venting..

Hello, I don't know where to begin. I am a 50 year old female who is the only caregiver for her 48 year old brother who has cancer. My brother has anal cancer and emphysema (just diagnosed). He moved in with me 3 years ago and ever since then I feel as though I am watching him die. The cancer has come back after less than 2 years. He has now done chemo/radiation 2 times and doctors have told him that they can do no more. He is in tremendous pain. Can you imagine? He can't even do simple things like sit normally or rest on his back. He is so thin now that he has to have extra padding on his hips as his bones protrude. We need to have a petscan done but he is in hospital for second time in two months with a collapsed right lung. It is agonizing watching him go through all this. He is my only family.. I know others have been thru the same so thought I'd just tell my story..

Last year my Dad died of rectal cancer.  Now my husband has head and neck cancer.  It is horrible to watch someone you love deteriorate the way  they do with cancer.  I feel so helpless.  Just when you think you have a handle on what's going on something else comes up.  The responsibilites are tremendous and the chores just never get done's, there are always more.  I get the best encouragement from web sites like this and from my belief that God will see us through.  May God bless and keep you.

 

Oh I am sorry to hear the news of your dad and now your husband. My heart goes out to you.. Yes it's a damned awful disease.. The emphysema diagnosis shocked us as he had collasped lung just 2 months ago and no mention made of it. Yes you are right the hardest part is watching someone go thru cancer and you can't do a thing about the pain. I sincerely wish you all the best...

Ahhh venting...How about I hate....I mean hate, having to discuss my mothers cancer over and over and over again, just so everyone else can feel better!  Today was a never ending shite storm of it.  Then to make matters worse I am my mothers "anger management", which is off and on and completely understandable, however it is like having the air being let out of your balloon with no back up fire to fill it again. 

I am left with a very supportive family (hubands and adult kids) who love me, but have no true idea of what this is like and really do not know what to say.  i see their uncomfortableness (if that is a word) and I decide to hold it all back.!  Vent wheww needed that

Maybe you could come up with a variation on what I had to tell my mother who lives in another state and would sob on the phone about how she hated that she couldn't help me deal with my husband's cancer. I said: I don't have the time or energy to make up a way for you to help me, just so YOU will feel better.

It made the point.

Ok, I'm with you, I hate, having to explain my husband cancer treatment, diagnoses, to family, and then have a bunch of lame, old wise tale things we need to do...or what we need to read, watch, eat.... Especially his family, that only talks about skittles and rainbows, and they hate that their son has cancer, nobody hates cancer more then I, his wife of 33 years, but if he has hard days, and he does, and I'm not talking the skittle and rainbow, stuff, they make me absolutely nuts,.. I'm venting and I'm so happy I can say what I rally feel and vent... His family make me nuts,,,not to mention they took his name off the house, when he was on life support... He lived.. And will be fine, now this poor man does not even know how meanspirited, money hungry , people they are, who cares about the dam house, my dog groomer cried more then his mom...I'm a cristian, and so happy that god sees their heart...or else I would lose it on this crazy lady...I'm about Ready to start smoking again, being around this crazy lady... Help!!

On Jun 19, 2012 3:38 AM Helpforhiswife wrote:

Ok, I'm with you, I hate, having to explain my husband cancer treatment, diagnoses, to family, and then have a bunch of lame, old wise tale things we need to do...or what we need to read, watch, eat.... Especially his family, that only talks about skittles and rainbows, and they hate that their son has cancer, nobody hates cancer more then I, his wife of 33 years, but if he has hard days, and he does, and I'm not talking the skittle and rainbow, stuff, they make me absolutely nuts,.. I'm venting and I'm so happy I can say what I rally feel and vent... His family make me nuts,,,not to mention they took his name off the house, when he was on life support... He lived.. And will be fine, now this poor man does not even know how meanspirited, money hungry , people they are, who cares about the dam house, my dog groomer cried more then his mom...I'm a cristian, and so happy that god sees their heart...or else I would lose it on this crazy lady...I'm about Ready to start smoking again, being around this crazy lady... Help!!

I have had people tell me of new treatments, pills and diets my brother should take to help with his cancer. Bloody hell. It's too late. I want to tell everyone shut the f..k up! I'm the one who is here day in day out, minute by minute - do you think you know more than I do! Helpforhiswife. You have every write to vent. I'm sorry but can't believe his FAMILY took his name off the house.. Amazing.. You are one who is there for your husband day in and day out. Life for you is not all skittles and rainbows neither is it for your husband. You have every right to be mad, vent and I'm sorry but i don't think too much of his family if you can call them that. I don't know what stage your husband's cancer is in. I just wish you both well.

Forgive my use of strong language..

My husband also had double pneumonia, and a decent pneumothorax,,he has such bad asthma..we had to get rid of our puppy..,that in addition makes us very sad, but his health is so important,,,like your brother, it is so very hard to see somebody suffercatio and not being able to catch their breath,,,I sit up most night watching him wheeze..and cough. We don't have O2 here.. The day I and day out loved ones... It is the most beautiful awful sensation one will ever experience. Beautiful in the sense as nothing matters, material, just heart to heart pure unconditional love..awful in the sense, as we are utterly powerless...best wishes to you and your brother...xoxo

Recent pneumothorax,, not decent,,, stupid spell check