This week I've found myself feeling down and my loss hit me harder than it has in recent weeks. I guess I could say it was a rogue wave that hit me and I still haven't found my footing.
I decided to take myself to a baseball game on Wednesday. None of my friends are interested in baseball and the gkids have perfect attendence so I couldn't take them out of school for the afternoon.
Well, I felt so insecure and self conscious. I acknowledged that there were other people alone at the stadium. But no amount convinced me to feel better. I tried to concentrate on the game but it wasn't working well. I just felt so empty.
I should add that years ago before I was married I went to a ballgame by myself. Not great results that time as my car got broken into. Maybe I should have learned but I've been trying to do as many things on my own as possible so I don't go hide in the closet and never come out.
When the gkids heard I went they asked why. I told my gdaughter to be with people my own age. She asked if I spoke to anyone and I said no. She said then it wasn't wothwhile going. Wonder if that was out of the mouths of babes?
Today I made myself go to a park and walk 2 miles stop and look at the lake and egrets and climb the steps twice but I was crying as I did. Then I noticed a female cardinal with a broken wing hobbling and I couldn't do anything for her out in the woods except say a prayer. We were two wounded souls out there. Irene